


Say Your Prayers

by nothing_but



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Alternate Universe - Summer Camp, Explicit Sexual Content, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Kissing, LGBTQ Themes, Light Angst, M/M, Older Harry, Pining, Religion, Religious Conflict, Religious Guilt, Secret Relationship, Self-Acceptance, Self-Doubt, Sexual Tension, Sharing a Bed, Slight Self-Hate, Sneaking Around, religious harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-11
Updated: 2016-09-11
Packaged: 2018-08-14 11:00:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 59,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8011075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothing_but/pseuds/nothing_but
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Louis was left wondering what the fuck this encounter had been. Coming to this camp - especially after learning that it was a religious one - he had never expected to find himself in a bathroom with the attractive, strictly Catholic, not-gay-or-anything head counsellor making flirty remarks. Quite the opposite, to be honest.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Or the one where Harry, head counsellor at a Catholic summer camp, dedicates his time to what he loves most, year after year. It’s mostly the same every summer; the place, the topics, the games. This year, however, there’s a new assistant counsellor stumbling into his camp, and possibly his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hii, I'm excited to present this fic! Here a few starting notes:
> 
> I do not intend to offend anybody with this fic, and I respect the Catholic religion. I wrote everything from my own experience. Church communities (also within the same religion) can differ greatly, so your experiences may not match up with mine at all. Please respect that! If you feel, however, that you might get offended by seeing this religion criticized, please don't read this. 
> 
> If you are concerned about any of the tags, want to chat, etc. etc. you can find me over here at [writing-about-larry](http://writing-about-larry.tumblr.com).
> 
> Now, I have a few people to thank! :3 First, my two lovely betas Amy ([tumblr](http://alldirectionsleadhere.tumblr.com)) and Abby ([tumblr](http://calabasascommons.tumblr.com)), who did some amazingly fast as well as helpful work on this fic. :)  
> And then, my amor Andi ([AO3](http://archiveofourown.org/users/hopelesswriter/pseuds/hopelesswriter)) who supported me all the way through writing this fic and is literally its godmother. Thank you so much for holding my hand all through the process, I don't think that I would have seen it through without you. <3

The bus, it seemed, had transported him right into the middle of nowhere. Louis internally sighed, letting his glance wander until he saw the building that had to be the one he was headed to. Dragging his bag behind him, he started marching towards it on the small path just off the side of the road.

 

Louis had never lived in a big city, he wasn’t used to the noise, the lights and the huge crowds that came with them. However, he was equally unfamiliar with the sight here in front of him: the countryside. While walking, Louis saw a few widely scattered houses, a church, the mountains in the distance and a forest not far away. That was it, there was literally nothing else here. Except the one big house that he was walking towards.

 

Two weeks, Louis told himself. He could do two weeks.

 

Louis crossed the front yard to the building and pushed the heavy door open, since he couldn’t find a doorbell or anything similar. He was met with a man kneeling on the floor in front of a little girl.

 

“All fine and good to go?“ the man asked the girl, looking up at her after he had finished tying her shoelaces. The girl nodded, smiling shyly.

 

“Then help an old man up before you go catch up with the others, yeah?“ the man joked, pretending that he couldn’t stand up again without her help. This made the little girl giggle and extend her arms for the man to grip.

 

“Thank you, strong lady,“ the man thanked her, and Louis could just catch the girl whisper a shy, giggly “welcome“ before she ran off.

 

Before Louis could find the words to say anything, he found himself shaking the big warm hand the man had immediately offered him. Louis was dazed and baffled and lost for words. This certainly was not a state Louis could usually be found in.

 

“I’m Harry,“ the young man introduced himself. He didn’t stop shaking Louis’ hand while he pointed at his shirt with his other hand. His shirt had his name scribbled onto it, a smiley face next to the writing. “ _HARRY :)_ “ it stated in big, easily legible letters.

 

“I’m head counsellor of this camp and youth group leader. You must be Louis Tomlinson, is that correct?“ the man - no, Harry - asked, flashing Louis a big, dimpled smile, and just now stopped shaking his hand.

 

“Erm - yeah, yes, Louis Tomlinson,“ Louis agreed, while his eyes roamed Harry’s body. A huge smile was plastered across his face, which was framed by chocolate brown curls that reached down past his shoulders. What Louis noticed next were the pretty green eyes, which were still focussed on him. All over, this man seemed to radiate pure attractiveness to Louis.

 

And that - that was not what he had expected when he had been informed that he was to help at a summer camp. He had expected a matronly older woman ordering him around, not an attractive 20-something who was wearing a shirt that had the top two buttons undone and his name written on it, greeting Louis with a warm welcome.

 

Well, this was a nice surprise for once.

 

“I’ll give you a short tour of the house and the place in general really quick now, alright?“ said Harry, taking a quick look at his watch. He then motioned for Louis to follow him.

 

“The kids are currently in the garden,“ he explained as to why the house was so quiet. “They’ll still have one hour of playing time in the garden before dinner. Come into my room for a minute to work out formalities, yeah?“

 

Louis nodded and thought that he must be sending a completely wrong image of himself to Harry, since he was being so quiet. This was nothing like the normally loud and outgoing Louis. But somehow, being caught off-guard by the pile of attractiveness and kindness that was Harry had quieted him momentarily, and reduced him to a small smile and nods.

 

“So, yeah, a few things for you to sign,“ Harry mumbled, shuffling a few pieces of paper that he had picked up from the small desk in his generally very simple room. He shoved them towards Louis, handing him a pen. To be honest, Louis didn’t spend a whole lot of attention on assessing the room, because his interest was… well… elsewhere.

 

“This week,“ Harry informed him once Louis handed him the pages back after skimming over them and signing. “This week we have 53 kids here, aged seven to ten. You’ll be here for two weeks, yeah?“

 

Louis nodded absently.

 

“Next week we’ll have our oldest ones, 15- to 18-year-olds. So this week it’s UNO, homesickness, coloring, outdoor games and singing songs. Next week is very little sleep, Bible study, talking until all hour and hiking.“

 

Louis wanted to ask Harry to say the last part again, because “Bible study“ for sure wasn’t what he had been meant to understand; he must have misheard. However, before he had the chance to do anything else, another piece of paper was pushed into his hands.

 

“This is our program for this week,“ Harry explained, pointing at the separate days and their respective activities that were listed in detail with the exact times.

 

Louis skimmed over the little squares in which Harry had written the plan for the next few days. Crafting, outdoor games, dinner, singing - alright. But - morning prayer, church service, Bible study? What had he gotten himself into?

 

“H-Harry?“ Louis asked, holding the list up to the other lad, who hummed as a sign for Louis to go on and ask. “What is this summer camp called? What kind of camp is this?“

 

Impatiently, Louis waited for an answer. He looked back and forth between the program in his hands and Harry’s face where an expression of confusion was obvious.

 

“His Children - Catholic Summer Camp?“ Harry stated, unable to hide the question mark at the end. “It’s a Catholic Children’s Camp, did you expect anything else?“ Harry added, laughing nervously.

 

“It’s… this is a Catholic camp?“ Louis inquired in disbelief. What had he gotten himself into - for real?

 

“Yes, Louis, it is,“ Harry laughed, shaking his head. “Didn’t you know that?“

 

“No, I didn’t. I just agreed to do some social work so I wouldn’t have to g- well, erm, I didn’t know,“ Louis said, shaking his head at the end.

 

“Alright, so, this is a religious camp,“ Harry said lamely. “Anyway, I’ll show you around now, alright? We’ll have to be quick because it’ll be dinner time soon.“

 

Following Harry down the hall, Louis couldn’t believe it. “ _What the actual fuck”_ he muttered to himself. This wasn’t just another summer camp he had managed to get himself into. Of course. It had to be a bloody _religious_ camp.

 

“You’ve never been a counsellor at a summer camp before, have you?“ Harry asked while leading Louis to his room, although he had to know because of the forms Louis had filled out.

 

“No, I haven’t. I have younger siblings, though,“ Louis replied, dragging his bag along behind him.

 

“This is where you’ll be sleeping,“ Harry said, opening a door and letting Louis enter before him. “Before you ask me,“ Harry said with a slight grin as Louis was already about to open his mouth “yes, this is a camper’s bunk, but all of our assistant counsellors sleep in them.”

 

Louis closed his mouth again and dropped his things onto the only free bed. He felt taken back a few years, back to sharing a room with his sisters again. There were even bunk beds just like the one his sisters used to have.

 

“We only have all-girls and all-boys rooms, of course,“ Harry went on, gesturing around them. “This one is all boys, obviously. Now let’s take a look at the other rooms.“

 

“Those are the showers,“ Harry said.

“This over there is the kitchen,“ Harry explained.

“Here is the dining room,“ he added.

“This is the room where we do morning and evening prayers as well as Bible study,“ Harry whispered.

“And finally, here we have the community room,“ Harry ended his tour of the house cheerfully.

 

“Alright, Louis, let’s call the kids for dinner!“ he smiled, already strutting away, leaving Louis to jog after him, head still spinning with the onslaught of new information.

 

Harry - with the help of some other counsellors - hoarded all of the children into the dining room that was filled with long tables and benches, and with the added babbling and laughter of 53 children. The tables had already been set and there were plates and plastic cups strewn across where the kids sat down.

 

It took a while until all of them were seated, but finally all of the counsellors were able to sit down as well at one table they shared.

 

“Is anybody still missing?“ Harry asked when he had quieted everyone down enough to be heard, the kids shaking their heads and the counsellors checking if all the spots were taken. “Fine then. Two of every table please go into the kitchen and bring the food, please! I hope all of you are as hungry as I am.“

 

A few kids stood up from their seats again, others still had to have a bit of an argument about whose turn it was this time.

 

All of the counsellors – except the two who had gone into the kitchen to watch the kids and to get their own food - were chatting happily among themselves too.

 

“If there is any activity at all that makes me hungry, it’s summer camp and watching the kids,“ Harry told Louis who sat diagonally across from him and was not included in the chatter going on.

 

“Do you really think so?“ Louis questioned, rolling a serviette together before smoothing it out again.

 

“Of course!“ Harry exclaimed. “Does anything come to your mind that’s more exhausting than chasing kids around all day long?“ he asked as if it was clear that the answer could only be “no”.

 

Louis thought for only a second before he replied with a smirk. “Marathon sex, that’s exhausting,“ he said without batting an eye, looking straight at Harry, who was hit by a very obvious, strong blush as he registered Louis’ words.

 

At the same time, Louis was hit with realization as well: Everybody was glaring at him. All the counsellors had discontinued their conversation to shoot him disgusted glances, obviously appalled at his words.

 

And oh. Maybe that had been an inappropriate thing to say at a religious camp. _Oops._

 

“Er… marathon running, yeah, that’s exhausting, has anybody ever tried? Marathon running?“ Louis tried to nervously save the situation, licking his lips awkwardly and giving a husky laugh.

 

Some shook their head before returning to their conversation, some made a dismissive noise, snorted quietly or simply turned away again.

 

And Louis knew. He knew that with that, he had missed his chance to ever belong to the counsellors’ group, to be welcomed and accepted, which would have made these two weeks easier for him.

 

“Louis,“ Harry warned him, his blush gone again and his look stern. “There are children around, so you are _not_ to say _anything_ inappropriate again. Do you understand me?“

 

Louis nodded, but argued anyway: “But where’s the fun in that? I mean, the kids couldn’t hear this anyway and like… sex is a natural thing and an acceptable desire?“

 

“Shhh,“ Harry said, making a deprecating gesture with his hands, the blush creeping back on his face at just the mention of sex. “Louis, you’ll have to cut that talk for these two weeks, alright?“

 

Louis just shrugged noncommittally. He could already tell that he loved getting a rise out of Harry with such comments way too much to stop.

 

Harry sighed and showed Louis a small smile that seemed slightly forced. A moment later, the plates of food that had been brought to the table captured his attention.

 

“This game you did today with the kids,“ Harry said to the counsellor sitting next to him, “I think that it was a really nice one and the kids loved it too, didn’t they?“

 

As Louis had nobody left to talk to now, he thought that he could just as well begin to eat and reached for a slice of bread from the small basket in the middle of the table. However, before he knew it, Harry batted his hand away easily, holding it down onto the table a moment too long before releasing Louis’ hand again. “We have to say grace first before we eat, Louis,“ he scolded.

 

Louis was still looking at Harry in disbelief when the head counsellor stood up from his chair. All the kids and counsellors followed his example immediately.

 

“In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy spirit, Amen,“ everybody said together,

and made the sign of the cross and Louis was left baffled. He didn’t knew the first thing about religion. Any religion, catholic or otherwise.

 

“Thank you for the world so sweet,

Thank you for the food we eat.

Thank you for the birds that sing,

Thank you God for everything,“ all of them chorused. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy spirit, Amen.“

 

As everybody sat down again and the clatter of plates and cutlery began, Louis quickly followed their example, sitting back down, too.

 

“Have a blessed meal, Louis,“ Harry said cheerfully, reaching to fill his own plate.

 

“Do you do this every single time?“ Louis asked. “Like, the prayer? Before every meal?“

 

“Of course, Louis,“ Harry laughed, smiling wide as he waited for Louis to hand him his plate to shovel food onto it. “We are at a religious camp and it is only appropriate to thank God for all He gives us.“

 

This spiked Louis’ curiosity. “Do you also do this at home?“ he asked critically.

 

“This house is my home for two months in summer, a few days in winter and before Easter every year,“ Harry replied, starting to eat.

 

“But before you ask, I also have another place where I live and yes, I do this there too,“ Harry added, making it clear that he wasn’t up for any intrusive questions now, so Louis changed the topic quickly.

 

“What’s scheduled for after dinner?“ he asked the head counsellor.

 

“The kids have one hour of free-time to shower and call their parents, then we do our evening prayer at half past seven. The kids are allowed to stay up until half past nine, so after evening prayer we have a game night in the community room. Prepare to play lots of UNO,“ Harry informed him with a friendly smile.

 

Louis was surprised that Harry was still being so friendly and open-minded towards him, especially after his previous slip-ups.

 

“Do I have to take part in all the activities? I mean, I hate to tell you, but I’m actually not religious in the slightest and I know that I probably would do better hiding this here, but do I really have to attend evening prayer and such?“ Louis said, trying to keep his voice down.

 

Harry nodded in a determined way. “It won’t look good for the kids if you don’t participate. Once they know you, they’ll ask why you don’t attend any of our religious activities. What you do in private about religion and whether you talk to God or not, that’s none of my business, but for those two weeks, I’d prefer it if you’d participate.“

 

“So you’ll just hide the fact that I’m not interested in your religion for the kids’ sake?“ Louis asked, looking up from his plate to meet Harry’s eyes.

 

“God loves all of His children, whether we choose to return His love or not,“ Harry replied simply, going back to putting butter on his bread.

 

“It’s not that,“ Louis protested. “I don’t believe that there is a God up in the sky, or that Noah saved a ton of animals in this boat-construction, or that Mary had a child without sex, or that God chucked the humans he allegedly loves so much out of His paradise and all this stuff. Those are fairy tales!“ Louis argued.

 

“Louis,“ Harry addressed him, “believe whatever you want, that’s fine with me, but the kids will find out soon enough that not all people share their beliefs. The purpose of this camp is not only for them to have a great time, but also to strengthen their faith. Our seven-year-olds are not mature enough yet to reflect on their belief, we just try to give them something to hold on to, alright? You are not to make anyone feel ashamed for needing their faith to get through the day.“

 

And alright, Harry had a point there, even Louis had to acknowledge that.

 

“So, alright, I’ll attend your praying circles and whatnot, but don’t expect me to contribute in any way.“

 

“Alright, yeah, agreed,“ Harry nodded.

 

It was probably for the best that Louis didn’t share his opinion too much, he thought. However, he wasn’t one for keeping his mouth shut. Never had been, and now seemed a poor time to change that.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Before we start our evening prayers, I’d like to introduce a new counsellor, who joined us today!“ Harry announced as soon as all the children were seated on cushions that were arranged in a circle on the floor. Harry was kneeling on one, too. “I’d like all of you to meet Louis, he’s an assistant counsellor and it’s his first summer camp, so we’ll be extra nice to him, alright? God says to be welcoming of others, so I expect you to do so! How about we start with a song as a welcome to Louis?“

 

The kids started talking over one another, some agreeing and nodding, some shouting suggestions what to sing, a few pouted, obviously not wanting to sing.

 

Finally, Harry suggested a song and started strumming on his guitar that he had brought to the prayer room with him. Soon everyone around Louis was singing to welcome him - it was some religious song, _of course_ \- and Louis wished they wouldn’t because he didn’t know where to look, so he just smiled and waited for it to be over. It felt as if people were singing Happy Birthday to him. Louis had never heard this song before, but it seemed to be popular with religious seven-to-ten-year-olds, because all of them were singing their hearts out without needing any lyrics to help them along. It was something about God having created nature, all of the animals and mankind.

 

“Now before we go on, we want to ask God for forgiveness for all that we did wrong today. We all make mistakes, but God still loves us,“ Harry said to the kids while passing out little booklets to each of them. Louis assumed that there were prayers in there. “We know that every time we do something wrong, we can ask God to give us another chance and He will, because God is kind,“ Harry went on, earning a polite “thank you“ or a little smile from most of the children as he handed them the booklets.

 

Louis couldn’t help but notice how much the children adored the man with the shirt that had “ _HARRY :)_ “ written on the front, and how they looked up to him, wanting to grow up to be just like him.

 

And well, Louis could only agree that there was something endearing about Harry’s whole being. It was the same something that had captured Louis as soon as he had seen Harry so focused on tying the little girl’s shoelaces this morning. Louis let his glance fly over all the kids’ faces to find that one girl again. He quickly found the small girl, sitting on a green pillow with her legs crossed, holding the booklet in her hands carefully while looking up at Harry attentively. She could be no older than eight, Louis guessed.

 

“It’s important that we tell God about what it is that we’re sorry for, so that He can forgive us,“ Harry went on. “We should ask ourselves: What is it that I did wrong today?“ Harry said, finally arriving where Louis sat and gave him one of the last booklets. “What is it that we shouldn’t have done today?“ Harry said, still focused on Louis, who was trying to fight off the feeling that Harry was intentionally speaking directly to him.

 

“So now let’s have a moment to think about our day,“ Harry suggested. “Fold your hands“ - all of the kids hurried to do so - “and close your eyes. This moment is only for you and God.“

 

Louis watched in awe how all of the kids did as told without putting up any kind of fight. It fascinated Louis how Harry got the children to follow his lead without even having to raise his voice at them. Harry had managed to quiet all of them down gently as well as quickly, even those kids who had come into the prayer room running, jumping around and wreaking havoc everywhere. Those were the same kids as those who were currently sitting on the cushions with their eyes closed, praying.

 

Louis noticed that all of the counsellors had their eyes closed as well, including Harry. Louis quickly made to imitate them, because he felt weird, as if he were a stalker, looking in on their personal prayers when he watched them like this.

 

Evening prayer lasted for about half an hour. Some more songs were sung, there were some more silent prayers and some together, some by heart and some that were read from the booklet. Louis was unable to grasp how natural and how much of a routine it was to the counsellors as well as the kids.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Louis, can you play UNO?“ a boy asked as soon as Louis entered the community room where some kids were already invested in some board game.

 

“Are you gonna play with us?“ another boy asked and grabbed Louis’ hand, dragging him to sit at a table with three other kids, not giving him the chance to say no.

 

“So can you play UNO?“ the boy asked again, shuffling the cards.

 

“Sure, sure I can!“ Louis laughed, accepting the cards the boy had begun to pass out.

 

With every round they played, the children got friendlier with Louis as they grew more comfortable. Louis learned the kids’ names, trying to remember as many as possible as more children joined in the game. He learned about their siblings, their pets, their hobbies, and their church. None of them could stop babbling, loving Louis’ attention and Louis’ fake disbelief when he said “you _really_ have three dogs? What are they called?“

 

“Are you _kidding_ me?“ Louis joked, faking an annoyed expression when he had to pick up three cards after almost winning and caused the children to giggle mischievously.

 

Louis played along with everything. Once he tried to pick up fewer cards than he had to, the next time he attempted to hide his cards to make it seem as if he had only a few left. Then again, he snatched a card from the kid next to him who wanted to make Louis pick up yet another three cards.

 

“Louiee!“ the boy squeaked, reaching for the card Louis was holding up in the air, laughing while retrieving it from Louis. All of the other kids - there were already seven others playing with him and several watching - laughed too, giggling at Louis’ horribly ridiculous attempts to cheat.

 

“Having fun over here I see?“ There suddenly was another voice, a different one mixed between the kids’ laughter and their talking. Louis turned around to see Harry standing behind him with his hands tapping on the top of the backrest, and a satisfied smile on his lips.

 

“Harry, Louis is _cheating_!“

“Harry, play with us!“

“Louis is really good at UNO, Harry!“

“Louis won twice in a _row_ already!“

All of the children were talking over one another, wanting to tell Harry about their game with Louis.

 

“Louis isn’t obeying the rules, hmm?“ Harry smirked and raised one eyebrow, which got the kids to keep talking about how Louis had tried to break the rules multiple times. “Shall I stay to keep an eye on him?“ Harry joked and the children nodded and agreed enthusiastically, making room for Harry to sit in their circle.

 

“How about we play Add-On-UNO?“ Louis then suggested. The kids looked at him quizzically. “Whoever wins is allowed to make a new rule, such as “jump up at every red card“ or “every three means to clap your hands“. Yeah? Are you up for that?“

 

Everyone agreed enthusiastically, throwing around their ideas about which actions to add.

 

“I won the last round!“ Louis announced. “So I get to make a new rule! Mine is to throw your hands up in the air at every yellow card.“

 

At the end of the games’ night, after countless rounds of cards, they had accumulated a whole lot of rules: Throw one’s hands up in the air at every yellow card, clap at every five, shout “Blue“ at every bl- no, every green card, jump up and turn around at every red card.

 

They played until no one could remember all of the rules anymore, ending in confusion, when it was already ten minutes past the kids’ actual scheduled bed time.

 

“Now let’s go, long day ahead of us tomorrow,“ Harry said, herding the kids out of the room to get them into the bathrooms and into their respective beds afterwards.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

It took even Harry more than half an hour to get everyone into their beds. Louis had not moved in the half hour since the game had ended, just stretching his legs after being sat in an not entirely comfortable position for so long, all crammed together. Now he was enjoying the quiet.

 

“Oh, you’re still here,“ Harry pointed out the obvious as he came into the room again because he wanted to shut out the light in the community room.

 

“Yeah, I’m already leaving, don’t bother,“ Louis said, standing up, walking out of the room with Harry and along the corridor.

 

“I have to compliment you,“ Harry said, grinning a bit awkwardly. “The children really enjoyed playing with you. You really have a hand with them.“

 

“Yeah, well, sisters, you know, I think I already told you,“ Louis explained, smiling back.

 

“You’re really doing well with them,“ Harry repeated.

 

“But you do, too,“ Louis tried to shift the focus.

 

“Working with kids and teenagers is my job,“ Harry laughed. “Would be pretty inconvenient if I didn’t get along with them.“

 

“But still,“ Louis insisted. “They really _listen_ to you. Not common with most kids, you know,“ Louis joked. “In the prayer room? I’ve never seen so many kids be so quiet.“

 

“I mean, we do have a few troublemakers, sure - what camp doesn’t - but the seven- to ten-year olds are usually nice and behave just fine. It’s the 11- to 14-year-olds that are most difficult normally. But well, those here _are_ an especially nice group, don’t you think?“

 

Louis just nodded.

 

“I’m heading for a shower now,“ Harry announced, opening the door to his own room. “I’ve arranged for all the counsellors to meet in the community room in half an hour to discuss tomorrow’s activities. I hope you’ll be there too?“

 

Louis nodded again.

 

He decided to go for a quick shower himself and was glad that he had deposited all of his toiletries in the boys’ bathroom just like the kids. In the room leading to the shower stalls were many little shelves on the walls. Those were crammed with the children’s towels, shampoo, toothpaste and everything else. Apparently, every child had one shelf assigned to them because there was a sticker on each shelf, stating the name of the boy the shelf and its contents belonged to. _Adam, Samuel, Joseph, Martin, Marcus, Thomas_ among others was what Louis read. Names straight out of the Bible or otherwise significant for the Catholic belief, all of them, even Louis recognized that. Louis shook his head slightly.

 

The second thing he realized while grabbing his towel and his shower gel and letting his gaze wander over the name tags on the shelves was that all of the names were in the same handwriting. Louis supposed that it was Harry’s, since there was a smiley drawn next to every kid’s name. And Louis had seen a smiley face exactly like these before: on Harry’s ridiculous shirt.

 

Louis couldn’t keep the smile from his face as easily as he would have liked to as he went into a shower stall, locking the door behind him before he began to undress and finally stepped into the shower, the tiles cold under his feet.

 

It was only when Louis felt the warm water hit and run down his body that he noticed how tired he really was, how exhausted spending just half a day with the children had made him. Sticking his head under the shower spray, he thought about how Harry was probably right about saying that there was hardly anything - if anything - that was more challenging and draining than chasing after a lot of kids whose energy seemed to be never-ending. However, Louis thought, smirking, marathon sex was still up there in the list of highly enjoyable but exhausting activities.

 

As soon as Louis’ thoughts had reached this point, it was not a particularly far stretch to even more inappropriate fantasies for a Catholic summer camp. Inappropriate not only because of the definitely very explicit nsfw-content, but even more because these thoughts did not evolve around women, but around men. One man, to be more exact.

 

Louis planned on keeping his mouth shut concerning his sexuality. It was his business only and he definitely wasn’t up for facing discrimination and exclusion non-stop for two weeks. He definitely wouldn’t lie about who he was attracted to if someone happened to ask, Louis decided, but honestly, what were the odds at a Catholic summer camp? Everyone was straight as hell here.

 

Or supposed to. Weren’t they?

 

Louis’ thoughts were anything but straight.

 

Subconsciously, he brought a hand to his groin where he found his dick already half hard from the forbidden dirty thoughts. He gave himself some slow tugs, feeling his foreskin slide back to reveal his cock’s pink head. Wanking off had always been Louis’ solution to relieving stress, and to make up for exhaustion after a long day. Leaning back against the pleasurably cold wall, Louis stroked over his cock slowly, growing harder within no time, twisting his wrist just the way he liked it best. Rubbing over his cock’s slit, Louis felt pre-come already beading there. Louis couldn’t help but let out a long groan. Playing with his cock’s tip had always managed to make him feel best when jerking off. He heard his groan echo loudly in the tiled bathroom, but it did nothing to make him hesitate or even stop, it only turned him on further and encouraged him.

 

Not even a minute later, Louis suddenly heard the door to the bathroom open and froze instantly, his hand on his cock, leaning against the wall with the shower spray still on.

 

Louis heard someone padding around, turning the sink’s taps in the washing room that had the little shelves.

 

“Is anybody in here?“ a shy voice asked. Louis knew who the voice belonged to. It was Adam, who he easily recognized because of his slightly squeaky voice.

 

“It’s Louis,“ Louis answered, bracing himself with his hand on the wall because he was starting to feel slightly light-headed and dizzy since he had stopped the pleasurable movements on his cock. He longed for this much-needed release.

“Okay,“ Adam said. “I’m just getting a glass of water because there was a loud noise and it scared me.“

 

“Oh, erm, I’m sure it’s nothing to be afraid of,“ Louis reassured him quickly and of course he could be sure since he had produced said noise himself.

 

“Alright,“ Adam said and Louis could hear him placing his glass back on the shelf. “Good night, Louis,“ he said, not waiting for an answer before slipping out of the bathroom. Louis could hear the door closing. He sighed.

 

When he had started touching himself, Louis hadn’t considered that the bathroom was adjacent to the boy’s bedroom that he was to sleep in as well. The bathroom was tiled all around, which would amplify every single noise he let out in his pleasure. On top of all this, Louis wasn’t one for keeping quiet at all. This applied to his general talking and behavior as well as to sex. Louis just was an extremely vocal person and couldn’t help this. One way or another, Louis could do nothing to keep his sounds in, no matter how hard tried.

 

Frustratedly, Louis lowered his hand again, reluctantly letting go of his cock. There was no way he would be able to get off tonight. He would wake the kids, maybe scare them so much they would go to find Harry and tell him that there was something making intimidating noises in the bathroom and Harry would come running, looking for said bathroom-monster and no matter how innocent Harry seemed to be, Louis didn’t doubt that he would make the connection within seconds.

 

And that, that would be embarrassing.

 

Not knowing what else to do, Louis turned the shower spray to cold, stepping under it once more to kill his erection. Louis groaned in frustration as he felt his hard-on go down, focusing on keeping his noises quiet. When his cock was soft again, he was shivering with cold and feeling unsatisfied.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Louis was five minutes late to the counsellors’ discussion.

 

“Had an extensive shower?“ one of the female counsellors asked and Louis’ heart dropped for a second before he realized that it was only a joke. She didn’t know anything, and was just teasing Louis for being late.

 

Louis just smiled and nodded.

 

It was easy, actually. Any counsellor could have walked past the bathroom and heard Louis, quickly figuring out what these sounds’ source was.

 

“You haven’t really missed anything yet,“ Harry told Louis. “We were just talking about how well this day went,“ Harry said to him. “Let’s move on to tomorrow now, alright?“ Harry addressed all of them.

 

“Tomorrow is Sunday, the Lord’s Day. The schedule is as follows: We’ll wake the kids up at half past eight, breakfast is at nine, then we’ll leave to go to church in the village, that’s only a few minutes trip. Service starts at ten, as always, and ends approximately at eleven. Fine until now?“

 

Nods everywhere.

 

“Lunch is at 12 o’clock and at one p.m. Bible study starts, alright? And after that-“

 

Harry didn’t get to finish his sentence because there was a quiet noise drawing their attention towards it and interrupting Harry.

 

A little girl, whose name Louis hadn’t learnt yet, was standing in the doorway, tears rolling down her cheeks. She was sniffing quietly, not speaking, just wiping one hand over her eyes.

 

Louis’ first urge was to jump up and hug the little girl that looked so utterly lost, standing there in her pajamas. However, Harry beat him to it.

 

“What is it, Veronica? What’s making you cry, darling?“ he asked, crouching down to be on eye level with her, hugging her to rub his ridiculously large hands over her small back gently.

 

“I miss my Mummy,“ she whispered, another tear escaping her eye.

 

“It’s all fine, darling. We are all here for you, you see?“ Harry soothed her, not ceasing his rubbing motions. “Before you know it you’ll be home again, you’ll see.“

 

Veronica nodded shyly.

 

“Tomorrow we’ll have a great day just like today. Did you have fun today, dear?“

 

Veronica nodded again, this time more confident.

 

“If you sleep now, it’ll be tomorrow really soon, okay?“ Harry asked, taking her little hand in his big one. “We’ll get you into bed now and next time you blink it’ll be breakfast time, dear. It’s all good.“

 

Louis could see the girl smile a bit through her last tears as Harry led her away to tuck her into bed again. Just like before, Louis couldn’t keep a fond smile from breaking through. It was adorable how well Harry got on with all the children and despite what most people would think, Louis also found it a bit hot. Only a bit, honestly. Just a slight bit.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“It’s time to get up, boys!“ was what Louis heard when he rolled around in his bunk bed and muffled a sleepy groan as he opened his eyes.

 

It was Harry who had woken him up, along the other boys in the room, who were all yawning, stretching and searching for their socks, getting ready to get up.

 

“Get up, Louis, rise and shine!“ Harry said in a funny and way too cheerful sing-song voice for so early in the morning, shaking Louis’ shoulder gently to get him to wake up fully.

 

“Come on, Louis, get up,“ Joseph chimed in. “We can’t miss church, can we?“ he said and laughed. It was clear to him: There was no such possibility as skipping church on a Sunday.

 

Louis let out a drawn out groan in defeat before he gave in to Harry’s insistent shaking and cheerful tone and got up, running his hand through his messy hair.

 

Louis hardly registered Harry talking to the boys, busy with groping for his slippers on the floor. Slippers! For God’s sake! Louis couldn’t remember when had been the last time he had worn _slippers_. On the list of what he had to bring, however, it was clearly stated, right on top of the list: Slippers (compulsory!), so this was why Louis was now finding himself looking for goddamn _slippers_. Not very Louis Tomlinson-y, he had to admit.

 

“Hurry up, you don’t want to miss breakfast, do you?“ Harry said after he had opened the window, leaning dangerously far outside. Louis was still sitting on the edge of the bed, indecisive whether to skip breakfast to go back to sleep.

 

Louis glared at Harry, a smirk finding its way onto his lips. Today, Harry was wearing yet _another_ shirt that he had scribbled his name onto - honestly, was this the only kind he owned? - only that this time it was a dark green one, matching his eyes beautifully. As he had the top few buttons undone, which seemed to be a necessity for Harry, Louis could see a delicate silver cross on a slim chain dangling from his neck. It fit Harry, it really did. Louis wondered if it had been there yesterday, and he just hadn’t noticed. Unlikely.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Church was boring for Louis. He attempted not to seem too disinterested and absent-minded, but nobody seemed to notice anyway.

 

It was essential to know that Louis was not one to bow down, to obey, to cave in. Not at all. Usually he was the one who rather got this reaction out of others.

However, doing well and not attracting too much negative attention towards himself was crucial for him and his personal future and Louis knew better than to throw away this chance. He could do two weeks of fitting in at this camp that was so different from all that Louis stood for.

 

Church service lasted for a bit more than an hour. Louis spent the time distracting himself with any and all activities. He counted the fake candles sticking out of the dusty chandelier hanging over his head that was made to look expensive but certainly wasn’t. After Louis was fairly sure that there were 54 fake candles, he opened the hymn book that had been pressed into his hand at the start of church service and began counting every single mention of “Mary“. It was a boring and not very challenging thing to do, but it kept Louis occupied.

 

The kids sang some more songs, a few of them got to read something out loud that Louis didn’t particularly pay attention to - he was still busy counting all the “Mary’s“ in the hymn book - and before he knew it both children on his right and left side grabbed his hands while singing the Lord’s Prayer.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Wasn’t church great today?“ Sara, who Louis had gotten to know yesterday, asked, although it sounded more like a statement. They were on the way back to their building, which Harry called the Camp House. Sara grasped Louis’ hand, leading him along, bouncing up and down excitedly with every step.

 

“Did you like church today?“ Adam asked, running up to walk at Louis’ left side. Louis couldn’t help but notice how his choice of words made it obvious that he took it for granted that Louis went to church weekly.

 

“I liked the Lord’s Prayer best today,“ another kid chimed in, pulling at Louis’ sleeve to catch his attention.

 

Once again Louis wondered what it was about him that drew these kids towards him this strongly. It certainly wasn’t his incredibly strong ties to religion and church.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

About two hours after church had ended, Louis found himself in the middle of yet another religious activity.

 

Bible study had the kids reading aloud or by themselves from the Bibles Harry had handed out, and talking about what they had read after each paragraph. They had been given simplified versions of the Bible made for kids, and Louis even spotted a picture here and there to make the book more interesting for children.

 

They were sitting in the circle on the pillows again, Harry leading the discussion and instructing the kids what to read.

 

Louis didn’t catch a lot of what Harry said, instead he focused on Harry’s pink and soft-looking lips moving to form the words. Sitting there, focused completely on Harry, Louis came to the conclusion that Harry quite possibly had the prettiest lips he had ever seen. The way they moved actually bordered on sinful already, Louis was certain.

 

Louis tried not to get too deep into any sexual fantasies, but the way Harry kept licking his lips, swiping the tip of his tongue over them quickly, making them shiny, was making it hard for Louis. To make matters worse, Harry shot him a hasty little glance every now and then, as if he wanted to check on how Louis was reacting to his behavior. If his aim was to rile Louis up and make him flustered, well, he was doing a fucking great job.

 

However, Louis doubted that Harry was aware of what he was doing to Louis or that he was even doing it on purpose. Maybe the lips-licking and curls-fondling he was doing was only due to Louis’ staring, but Louis just couldn’t help it, Harry was just so enticing.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Can I come sit with you?“ Harry said at the same time as Louis said “Left hand, yellow“.

 

“Sure,“ Louis replied, awkwardly patting the spot next to him where he was sitting on the ground underneath a tree.

 

“Right foot, red.“

 

Harry let himself drop down next to Louis, leaning against a big tree, stroking his hands through the grass beneath and around him, feeling the tingling sensation on his skin.

 

“Left foot, green. You’re literally in knots already, Ruthie, but you’re doing well,“ Louis laughed. From the corner of his eye he could see Harry sporting a massive grin.

 

“Right hand, green,“ Louis instructed, using the spinner on the board again.

 

“Is that cross you’re wearing reserved for Sundays?“ Louis addressed Harry, while the children scrambled to place their right hands on a green field on the plastic Twister mat that was spread out on the ground.

 

“Harry, look at me!“  Tim - whose full name was Timothy, of _course_ \- yelled and Harry gave him a thumbs-up. “Are you gonna play with us the next round?“ he chuckled.

 

“No, I don’t think so,“ Harry refused laughing.

 

“Oh, come _ooon_ , Harry, please!“ Ruthie begged, shortly before losing her balance and falling over onto the Twister mat.

 

“Oh no, Ruthie is out!“ Louis exclaimed, extending a hand towards her to get her to sit with him and Harry.

 

“No, not exclusively,“ Harry answered Louis’ question from earlier - “Left foot yellow, that looks difficult now“ - “I wear it on any occasion that is special to me. So of course I wear it on Sundays and on feast days, but also just any day that I feel the need for God’s support, when I want to be able to physically feel his presence.“

 

Louis nodded, stealing another glance at Harry’s chest, well visible due to him having a few buttons undone as usual. Resting between those ridiculous bird tattoos of his was the delicate silver cross, accentuating his collarbones even more as the chain fell over them. And alright, Louis would be lying if he said that he didn’t crave to nip on Harry’s soft skin and then lick over it right now in that moment.

 

Louis shook his head furiously, trying to get rid of the thoughts.

 

“Are you alright?“ Harry asked.

 

“Uh, yeah, sure, there was just a fly… trying to crawl into my eye. Right foot, red!“

 

Harry and Louis sat in silence, apart from Louis regularly shouting instructions for the kids’ game.

 

“Now it’s your turn!“ Ruthie yelled, attempting to pull Harry up from the ground, giggling, after the previous game had ended.

 

“Oh noo,“ Harry tried to refuse, but stood up nevertheless and let himself be led to the plastic mat.

 

“I get to spin this time, I won!“ Timothy announced, making grabby hands at the board Louis was still holding.

 

“And what do I do?“ Louis asked.

 

“You play against Harry,“ Ruthie laughed, as if it had been clear all along.

 

Harry groaned in fake annoyance. “You know that I hate Twister!“

 

“We’ll do individual instructions for you, Harry! Different instructions for both of you!“ Ruthie exclaimed enthusiastically.

 

“Ruthie, I still don’t like Twister!“ Harry complained, pretending to be annoyed.

 

“He just says that because he’s no good at it,“ Ruthie announced unceremoniously, explaining this to Louis.

 

“Oh really?“ Louis asked. “Don’t those long gangly giraffe-limbs of yours help?“

 

The kids giggled. “Giraffe-limbs,“ Ruthie repeated, completely in awe how that word sounded when she said it.

 

“Exactly the opposite,“ Harry explained, positioning himself on the opposite side of the mat that Louis had occupied. “They get all tied up everywhere and I end up not knowing where my right foot or my left hand is. You’ve practically won already.“

 

“Now don’t you think I’ll let you go without a fight, Giraffe-limbs Boy,“ Louis smirked, stretching his legs.

 

“Right foot, green, Harry,“ Timothy already fired off the first instruction.

 

It didn’t take long for the predicted situation to arrive: The two of them were literally tied up and the kids couldn’t stop laughing at Harry, who had his head stuck through under Louis’ armpit, which made it look like Louis was keeping him in a headlock.

 

“I’ve got you, Harry Styles,“ Louis announced triumphantly, a smug grin on his lips. “Head counsellor Harry Styles trapped and kept hostage by assistant counsellor Louis Tomlinson, who would have thought?“

 

Harry laughed at that, but the next instruction - left foot yellow - was what made him lose his balance and topple over, falling onto Louis and in the process knocking him down and landing on top of him.

 

And well, alright, there had of course been a fair amount of body contact as was usual when playing Twister, but nothing that even remotely explained… _this_.

 

 

\+ + + 

 

 

Most of the afternoon was spent with crafting. Louis couldn’t participate much, because he was totally incapable of helping the children with artistic and creative works. He stayed in the community room just like everyone else, though, and let the kids enthusiastically push their drawings into his face for him to admire.

 

“Is that a boat?“ Louis asked Abraham, whose drawing he was currently trying to make sense of.

 

“No, it’s not,“ Abraham denied, horrified. “It’s a house, can’t you see that?“

 

“Is it a houseboat then? Or why is it swimming?“

 

“It’s not _swimming,_ “ Abraham replied slowly, trying to make Louis understand. “That’s the _lawn_ , not water.“

 

“Oh, alright!“ Louis agreed, looking at the “lawn“ that was definitely bright blue.

 

“Has the lawn dyed its grass?“ Louis attempted to joke.

 

Abraham rolled his eyes. _Duh._ “There was no green pencil. I had to take blue.“

 

This example showed that Louis was no good at crafts, in stark contrast to Harry. He was making the kids decorate and draw on a huge banner. In the middle of the piece of fabric he had written _His Children_ \- the summer camp’s name - in big letters that a few kids where currently coloring in with bright markers and pens.

 

All around where he had written _His Children,_ Harry invited everybody to sign the banner with their name and draw something onto it.

 

“We’re gonna put this up in the entrance hall, don’t you think?“ Harry suggested to them, earning only a few absent-minded nods from the children because they were focused on coloring.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

At dinner time, Louis finally found his assumption verified. Harry was in fact ignoring him, well no, rather steering clear of him. Harry didn’t even go to sit in his usual place, claiming that he needed to sit at the head of the table in order for it to be easier to lead the prayer, which Louis thought was a ridiculous excuse, but everyone let Harry get away with it. And well, the reason why nobody objected might be that Harry was everyone’s darling.

 

As soon as Harry stood up, everyone followed suit, no matter where Harry was seated. He probably could be sitting in any corner of the room and all eyes would still be on him.

 

Louis’ definitely would.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When he was washing his face in the evening in the boys’ bathroom after all the kids had finally switched off the light and the house had gone quiet, Harry’s statement about chasing after kids being the most exhausting activity known to humankind came to Louis’ mind again.

 

Keeping his eyes closed to avoid getting water into them, Louis grabbed for a towel that he had placed somewhere next to the sink. He already looked tired, Louis observed, taking a glance at the mirror. He looked as if he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in _days,_ and it was only his second day at the camp. And _Jesus_ , Louis thought, how did Harry cope? How could he keep up this rhythm for two whole months and still be his happy, cheerful self that obviously didn’t get tired of wearing smiley-face shirts and playing board games.

 

The door to the bathroom opened. In the mirror’s reflection, Louis saw that it was Harry who was standing in the doorway, on the brink of walking out again, but still indecisive, just staring at Louis.

 

“Oh - erm, sorry, I’m just going to - er, find another bathroom because it’s - this is occupied,“ Harry stuttered, pointing at the hallway to emphasize his point.

 

“We can share, it’s not like there is only one sink,“ Louis laughed, turning around to look directly at Harry and not only at his reflection.

 

“Oh, sure, yeah, alright,“ Harry agreed, stepping in and shutting the door, his gaze still fixed on Louis, apparently unable to look away.

 

Louis didn’t understand what it was that Harry was staring at so intensely. Sure, he was indeed shirtless and only wearing loose short sweatpants - and Louis was aware that he was not exactly unattractive - but Harry was glaring at him as if he had never seen a naked male chest before.

 

As he returned the glance, Harry averted his gaze immediately, his cheeks flushed, obviously not knowing where to look as he came closer, keeping his head lowered.

 

“Hey, mate, if this is about earlier today,“ Louis addressed Harry, who immediately shot him a horrified glance, quieting Louis.

 

“Louis, can we - this wasn’t - it didn’t happen? Like, go on like before - and you know - like, not talk about that?“ Harry forced the words out, all insecure and twisting one strand of his curly hair between his fingers.

 

“Yeah, it’s alright, we don’t need to make any big deal out of it, okay? It doesn’t have to mean anything,“ Louis agreed with a smile and was not surprised to see relief wash over Harry’s face as he let out a huge breath.

 

“Thank you,“ Harry mumbled, occupying the sink next to Louis.

 

And alright, Louis was really curious what the hell their Twister game today had been, but if Harry didn’t want to talk about it, he’d keep his mouth shut. And to be honest, what did Harry think? That he’d go all out on him and tell the whole counselling team how their dearly beloved head counsellor had ended up with a hard-on after a perfectly innocent game of Twister with Louis?

 

Because that indeed was what had happened. When Harry had lost his balance, ending up on top of Louis, Louis had for a short moment been able to feel what unambiguously had been Harry’s dick pressing up into his stomach. Sitting up, still on Louis’ stomach, giggling along with the kids, it had taken Harry a moment to realize that Louis must be able to feel his dick through the fabric of his pants that it was tenting and had basically made a run for it, leaving the kids confused as to why Harry had disappeared so hurriedly and Louis struggling to make up an excuse that had nothing to do with erections.

 

“It’s also, it’s not like I’m gay or anything,“ Harry said into the silence between them and stopped splashing water onto his face for a minute.

 

“Like I said, it doesn’t have to mean anything, we don’t have to make it matter, Harry,“ Louis replied. “Doesn’t have to mean you’re gay… or anything.“

 

“Okay,“ Harry mumbled, rubbing his face dry with a towel, muffling his sounds in it. “Can we not let it make things awkward and weird between us? I had already started to like you,“ Harry added shyly.

 

“Sure,“ Louis reassured him. “And I kinda like you too, I mean, you’re nicer than the other counsellors. I like you best.“

 

“By the way,“ Harry grinned. “I don’t know what you’re doing to the kids, but _“Louis said“_ and _“Louis told us“_ and _“Louis is this and that“_ is all they go on and on about. You’ve been here for two days, and they literally adore you. Have you been bribing them?“ Harry joked.

 

“Maybe that’s the reason why I’m so exhausted,“ Louis laughed. “Getting so much attention from the kids, getting dragged here and there, playing this game and that. You were right when you said that it’s highly exhausting.“

 

“Oh yeah? Even more than sex?“ Harry teased with a smirk, his cheeks tinting a pretty shade of pink at his own words, before he was out of the door within seconds, having grabbed all his things quickly.

 

Louis was left wondering what the fuck this encounter had been. Coming to this camp - especially after learning that it was a religious one - he had never expected to find himself in a bathroom with the attractive, strictly Catholic, not-gay-or-anything head counsellor making flirty remarks. Quite the opposite, to be honest.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Everybody got all their bathing suits, bikinis, and swim goggles?“ Harry asked, walking through the crowd of kids that had gathered in the yard, little rucksacks on their backs, all wearing baseball caps to protect them from the sun on this burning hot day.

 

It was too hot to do much in the garden and the kids would soon get fidgety and noisy when they were in the house for too long. So Harry and the other counsellors had decided to spend the day at the public outdoor pool, going there with the kids right after morning prayer. The Camp House’s large garden included a small pool, however it was way too small to fit even just half of all the kids in it. Apart from that, the public pool was equipped with water slides, fountains and an ice cream kiosk; all the things necessary to keep kids occupied for a longer time. Consequently, it wasn’t a difficult decision to choose the public pool over their own small one.

 

“Everybody here? Have you got your bikini, Esther?“

“Are you sure you didn’t forgot your towel, Jonathan?“

“Please pick up your cap, Miriam, we don’t want it to get dirty, do we?“

“Did you take your water bottle after I filled it up again, Jonah?“

Walking through the crowd of chattering and excited children, Harry counted them to make sure that nobody was missing, asking some of the kids individual questions to check on them.

 

Louis helped him count, since Harry lost track of how far he had already gotten whenever he stopped to ask one of the children a question.

 

“53. They’re all here,“ Louis said, smiling at Harry. It was endearing to Louis, seeing Harry in the middle of a crowd of kids, holding his bag of packed lunch in one hand, using the other to point at each kid while counting. Every time he lost track because got distracted, he looked at Louis for help to assist him with the current number.

 

“Now, Louis, are you sure you packed your towel? Sunscreen?“ Harry joked when they were ready to go and Louis just laughed and poked him in the ribs playfully.

 

He could get used to this teasing and joking Harry.

 

“Swimming pool days are the worst, just so you know, in the it’s-exhausting-sense,“ Harry told Louis on the way to the pool. “I can guarantee that you’ll be dog-tired and just completely worn-out when we come home. You have to make sure nobody wanders off alone, that all of the little ones are wearing their floaties, that all of them use a sufficient amount of sunscreen, the list goes on…“

 

All of this soon proved to be right. Every counsellor had taken a group of kids they had to look after - or well, rather have their eyes glued to them, watching their every step.

 

Right after Harry, who had been the most popular out of all the counsellors by far, Louis had found a surprisingly high number of kids clinging to him as well, refusing to go with any other counsellor.

 

Louis soon found himself struggling to keep up with a colorful group of kids with floaties, and all manner of other swimming devices, inflatable plastic animals, water-balls and other things they were carrying with them.

 

And hell, it wasn’t easy, keeping the whole group together, when they were all speeding up the steps to use the water slide to go back down again. Some were dragging Louis there, some were having a water fight, splashing each other, causing so much chaos that the swimming pool attendant eventually told them off.

 

When he eventually managed to get all of the kids in his group out of the water for lunch, Louis felt ready to drop into bed. All of the children, however, were still bursting with energy, which was incomprehensible to Louis.

 

Harry had occupied a spot for the whole group to sit under a tree while they ate their sandwiches.

 

“You look exhausted,“ Harry remarked when Louis sat down on his towel, not caring to change out of his wet swimming trunks. Harry was already munching away on his packed lunch, putting his hand over his mouth while speaking to avoid spraying Louis with crumbs.

 

“That’s because I _am,_ “ Louis groaned, reaching into his rucksack to produce his own lunch.

 

“I told you that swimming pool days are the worst,“ Harry laughed.

 

“Let me ask you something,“ Louis said. Harry looked up at him attentively and Louis almost had to laugh with how much Harry reminded him of a diligent, ambitious student. “How long have you been going to camps like this?“

 

“I’ve been _going_ to “camps like this“ - as you call them - since I was seven and haven’t missed a year yet. I’ve been _organizing_ them for four years now. This summer is my fourth,“ Harry specified.

 

“And you are…? How old are you?“ Louis asked, making an unidentifiable gesture with his hand.

 

“I’m 26, so I was head counsellor at 22 for the first time. Bit early, I know, but there was nobody else wanting to fill the spot and I couldn’t just let the _His Children-_ Camp die!“

 

“Wait a minute…“ Louis said. “So you’ve been going to religious camps for… 19 years now? Did I do the math correctly? 19 years?“

 

“If you put it like that,“ Harry replied thoughtfully, “it sounds like a whole lot. But I have an anniversary to celebrate next year! 20 years of summer camps!“ he added cheerfully and Louis could only shake his head, smiling a bit.

 

Harry was unbelievable, honestly.

 

“So… really? 19 summers filled with camps? You’ve never had a real summer to yourself?“

 

“Oh, no no, as a kid I just went to one camp each summer, that was just one week. But yeah, I started as a youth counsellor at 19 when I no longer could be a participant at any camp. Since then I’ve also been a social worker for the Catholic church, and I usually get a ban on taking leave in the summers because of the camps.“

 

Louis’ eyes widened. A ban.

 

“But it doesn’t feel like wasted time or anything like that to me, I simply take my holiday in autumn. I can make good use of it then,“ Harry laughed.

 

“ _His Children_ lasts three weeks, right?“ Louis asked and Harry, who was currently drinking from his water bottle, just nodded. “All three age groups together take up three weeks. July and August combined is nine weeks. What about the other six?“

 

Louis waited a minute for Harry to finish drinking.

 

“His Children isn’t the only camp I go to, Louis,“ he said, taking another gulp. “ _His Children_ is the camp for children and teenagers from my church community only.“

 

“Oh,“ Louis said lamely, suddenly understanding why all of the children were so close to Harry and why he had known all of their names from the very start. Due to the close contact with the kids, Louis was getting better at all the names quickly as well.

 

“The next camp - it’s also one I organize - is one for children from everywhere in the country to take part in. Just like this one, it is divided into age groups. That makes another three weeks.“

 

Louis nodded, motioning for Harry to tell him what the last three weeks were left for.

 

“What am I doing with the last three weeks? Erm, summer camp! It’s also one I’ve attended multiple times, already, first as a camper myself, but I’m nothing more than a regular counsellor there.“

 

Oh. Nothing more.

 

“All in the Camp House, by the way. It’s ideal. That’s why I said that it’s my summer home. I don’t go home before the start of September.“

 

“But isn’t that like… super repetitive and boring? After 19 years of summer camps you ought to have gotten enough sometime!“

 

“There are different kids and new kids every year and also the age groups change every week. Also, and always remember that, working with children is never boring, it keeps you right on track. Kids don’t _do_ boring, they do crazy,“ Harry said, before standing up to stop two children who were trying to stick as many floaties as possible not only on another kid’s arms but also feet.

 

“Lots of crazy,“ Harry simply said, sitting back down. “Social religious work with children and teenagers is what it says in my job description, so summer camps belong into that category as well. And when you look at it like that, aren’t most jobs repetitive and boring at some point or another? What do you do? I’ll show you how it’s probably more boring than chasing after kids.“

 

“I can imagine,“ Louis sighed. “Ah, I currently don’t work, but I used to work in an antique furniture shop, so only lots of dusty and boring stuff happening there. Nobody _ever_ bought anything, it was tedious.“

 

“So obviously my job _is_ better. Also, it’s my _calling_ to be here,“ Harry explained proudly.

 

“It’s your calling?“ Louis said, not understanding what Harry was saying.

 

“Yes. Calling, vocation, whichever label you want to put on it. I am meant to be a social religious worker.“

 

“Oh. So you mean like some guy might say that being a priest is his vocation?“ Louis asked, sprawled out on his towel and blinking up at Harry sitting next to him.

 

“Only that I’m not a priest and also not going to,“ Harry agreed, laughing.

 

“Is that because your name is not religious enough?“ Louis teased. “I mean like your name is Harry, that’s about the only name on this camp that’s not taken straight out of the bible. Apart from mine, of course.“

 

“No, it’s not because of my _name_ , that would be dumb,“ Harry objected, rolling his eyes.

 

“But really, have you noticed? All those kids with their extra-religious names imposed on them? There’s a fucking Ezekiel and a Timothy here!? I mean like what the fuck are those seven-year-olds supposed to do with names like that?“ Louis said.

 

“Shh, Louis,“ Harry said strictly, effectively putting his hand over Louis’ mouth for a few seconds to get him to shut up. He then looked around if any of the children in their near proximity were listening and only resumed when he saw that they weren’t. “Louis, you can’t set the kids against their names, it’s bad making them hate their names. The kids adore you, it would be highly influential if you were to tell them that.“

 

“I wasn’t going to do that, geez, what did you think? I was just wondering,“ Louis defended himself, crossing his arms over his naked chest.

 

“And admittedly,“ Harry said much more quietly, hardly more than a whisper Louis was straining his ears to catch. “Names aren’t the worst things that get imposed on those kids,“ he breathed, not looking at Louis nor at the children, but somewhere in the distance.

 

Louis decided not to answer.

 

“Timothy and Ezekiel are highly respectable Catholic names. You can’t tell me that having a name that means “Honoring God“ or “Strength of God“ isn’t beautiful,“ Harry said loudly, looking vaguely in Louis’ direction, without meeting his eyes.

 

At first, Louis thought that Harry might simply be envious of those children’s names, since his own didn’t have any biblical meaning, however, he soon realized that there was something much deeper hidden. Imposing, Harry had said.

 

Louis didn’t wonder in the slightest that Harry knew what those names stood for. He wouldn’t have expected anything else.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Two days later, on Wednesday, Louis woke up with a hard-on for the third time in a _row_. And for God’s sake, he wasn’t a horny 16-year-old anymore. He was 21 and should be well past that stage of constant morning horniness. It was awkward and _disgraceful_ for Louis, waking up with his cock creating an embarrassing tent in his boxer briefs. Furthermore, he didn’t even get to have the possibility of taking care of it, since well, he woke up with four little boys in the same room as him, who were still years away from their first wet dream.

 

The bathroom, Louis had had to find out very soon, wasn’t an option either, so he just had to fight down the urge to touch himself and instead ignore his erection, forcing his dick that was definitely firmer than just half-hard into the uncomfortable restriction of pants.

 

The reason for Louis’ pent-up sexual frustration that was showing itself through inappropriate morning wood was only a few rooms away, showing off his long, gangly legs clad in tight pants and sneakily keeping the top few buttons of his shirt undone, offering a view of his chest that was marked with tattoos.

 

On his stomach, as Louis had seen at the pool, he had a _butterfly_. Louis of course knew that it was rude to stare, but he just couldn’t help it in that moment. The hot I’m-not-gay-or-anything head counsellor had a giant butterfly inked into his stomach forever and all Louis could think in that moment was _Is he for real?_

Apparently, Harry Head Counsellor Styles was indeed for real, blushing every time he caught Louis ogling him and then quickly looking away.

 

Louis wondered whether Harry knew that he was sex appeal walking around on two legs to Louis, frustrating him to an extent he had never known before. And this morning, Louis didn’t want to put up with this teasing that Harry was confronting him with any more. He had had enough. He needed to do something about this. However, he couldn’t think of any option to let Harry know insistently, but politely that what he was doing to Louis was not okay, whether he was doing it intentionally or not. Preferably, this option should not include pushing Harry against a wall, since this would probably scare him off and not work in Louis’ favor.

 

Louis went into the bathroom, clutching the clothes that he wanted to put on, hiding his erection behind them. He guessed that the smirk and the seductive giggle just came with Harry’s charming, bright personality. And hell, if Harry kept going like that, Louis might actually go off at the next tiny touch from Harry to his _shoulder_ or something. That was how frustrated this curly-haired counsellor had him already.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“How are you liking your first summer camp so far?“ Harry addressed Louis at breakfast, concentrating on putting jam on his bread. “I can’t believe how it’s already Wednesday and the kids are leaving on Saturday morning!? That’s just plain unbelievable. Time flies!“

 

“I like it so far, thanks,“ Louis answered, smiling, ignoring the slight discomfort of his dick restricted by his jeans since his erection was still obviously not willing to go down, especially after having to (or not being able not to) look at Harry who was constantly licking jam from his lips with his clever tongue. And honestly, was this his usual eating behavior?

 

Louis sighed internally. If he shouldn’t survive what was left of the two weeks he had originally been assigned, Harry Styles would be his cause of death. For sure.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Time for bed!“ Louis could hear Harry call down the corridor, clapping his hands to emphasize his words, trying to get the kids that were still milling about to rush into the bathrooms to get ready for bed.

 

“You heard Harry, off you go!“ Louis agreed, sending the kids who he had been playing a board game with in the community room into the bathroom. “Brush your teeth, wash your face, and into bed we go!“ Louis cheerfully added, almost running into Harry as he stepped out into the corridor.

 

“Oops, sorry,“ Harry apologized.

 

“Erm, my fault,“ Louis said, composing himself to walk away again.

 

“Louis, wait a minute,“ Harry quickly interjected, holding Louis back on his sleeve. “Can I have a word with you… later?“

 

Louis raised his eyebrows. “Sure, Harry.“

 

“Just stop by at my room as soon as everything’s quiet, okay?“

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,“ Louis quickly agreed, walking away before Harry could change his mind. Harry’s room, Louis had already been told on the first day, was forbidden territory. Simply out of bounds for everyone but Harry. Just the fact that Harry had taken Louis into his room for the explanations on the first day would have been considered slightly fishy by the other counsellors if they had found out, Louis thought. They were clearly just looking for a reason to get rid of Louis anyway.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

It had taken noticeably longer to get all the kids to quiet down and to march them into their respective beds this evening. It was already late when Louis walked up and down the corridor three times in front of Harry’s room’s door that was closed, which he had been told meant that Harry was in there and generally not to be disturbed. He wanted to avoid getting any suspicious looks the other counsellors would probably shoot him if they saw him knocking on Harry’s door. After walking up and down aimlessly three times until all of the counsellors had gone to bed, Louis finally knocked on Harry’s door sneakily, peeking left and right if he was indeed alone on the corridor. Once again, he felt the rush of doing something forbidden, a rush that he had come to be familiar with in the recent past.

 

Louis could hear footsteps coming closer to the door, a bang clearly audible - maybe Harry had fallen over something or stubbed his toe, because as Louis already knew, Harry could be a bit of a klutz.

 

“Ouch, come in, I just ran into the chair, come in,“ Harry hurried Louis in as if Louis coming into his room was something forbidden that was not to be seen by anyone else.

 

And well, Harry’s room may well be out of bounds, but since Harry had invited Louis in there himself, there actually wasn’t anything he should be scared of, right?

 

“Sorry that it’s late and I’m still calling you here, you must be just as dead tired as I am, but I just… thought we should talk,“ Harry said, Louis motioning for him to continue and throw at him whatever it was that Harry had to get rid of this urgently.

 

Standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, Harry couldn’t help but blurt out why he had summoned Louis here straight away. “This needs to stop.“

 

“What needs to stop?“ Louis asked confusedly. “World hunger? Children being taught that being gay is evil? The compulsion to wear slippers at this camp? Ruthie winning at every board game? Yeah, I agree to all of those,“ Louis joked nervously.

 

“No, you, Louis, _you_ have to stop,“ Harry explained, shifting from one foot to the other uncomfortably.

 

“What? What do I have to stop?“ Louis asked, completely thrown off. “I mean… if I really have to, I guess I can fake a bit more attention and interest for your prayer circle thing and all the talk about God and religion if it’s about that…“ Louis offered reluctantly. He should have known that this would be brought up sooner or later.

 

“It- it’s not about that,“ Harry denied, shaking his head, his long curls bouncing with the movement and Louis somehow couldn’t help some inappropriate thoughts sneaking into his mind.

 

“Then what’s it about?“ Louis wanted to know, willing away the dirty thoughts that always imposed themselves on him whenever he saw Harry, walking around like he had escaped one of Louis’ wet dreams.

 

To be honest, it maybe wasn’t that drastic, but Louis was getting frustrated and that made him get the weirdest thoughts, which didn’t help the - _yes_. In that moment it struck Louis that what they had, almost palpable in the room, hanging thick in the air, was tension. Tension between Louis and Harry. To be more accurate: sexual tension.

 

This made Louis reach the conclusion that Harry probably had to feel it too, the urge to do something, just _anything_ , about it, to relieve it somehow, _anyhow_.

 

“You - you are - you’re distracting me, alright?“ Harry said, voice quiet as if he was afraid that someone was eavesdropping on them, leaning against Harry’s door. “You just - like - _look_ at me like that and touch me in passing and joke around and you smirk and all that distracts me, alright?“ Harry admitted in a rush, fiddling with his fingers nervously, his cheeks blushing all over.

 

“How about we make a deal?“ Louis suggested, not able to keep the smirk that was apparently distracting to Harry from his face.

 

“And what would that be?“ Harry asked a bit suspiciously.

 

“You stop distracting _me_ as well.“

 

“I stop-? But what am _I_ doing to distract you?“ Harry wanted to know, shaking his head slightly.

 

“You, Mr. Head Counsellor Styles, constantly run around with your ridiculous shirts with smiley faces on them and the buttons undone, you keep showing off your legs in tight jeans - you can’t tell me that those are comfortable or in any way useful for looking after kids - and then you are all charmy blushy prince, another time you just randomly get a boner from fucking Twister and _you_ think you’re not frustrating me in the slightest?“ Louis rattled off, ticking off on his fingers the individual occurrences and ways Harry hadn’t failed to fluster him.

 

“But I - I don’t do this on purpose!“ Harry objected. “You can’t tell me what to wear and what not to, Louis! And just because I blush easily, I mean, that’s rather your fault for _making_ me blush, isn’t it?“

 

“Alright, alright,“ Louis said, raising his hands in defeat. “But what’s not my fault is that me smirking and joking distracts you. That’s something _I_ don’t do on purpose, that’s just the way I am,“ Louis said, finality in his voice that made it obvious that the subject could be dropped now.

 

“But it’s not like we can let it stay this way!“ Harry protested and there it was again. The tension that was surrounding them. “We have to do something, don’t we? You can’t just keep on staring at me the whole time during morning and evening prayer and think that I don’t notice!?“ Harry added agitatedly, making nervous gestures with his hands.

 

“So we have to do something about my behavior, alright, but what about yours, huh? Mr. Twister-boner Styles, what do we do with your behavior?“ Louis teased.

 

Immediately, the blush crept back onto Harry’s cheeks.

 

“You said we wouldn’t have to bring that back up again!“ he groaned, hiding his face in his hands, hiding his flaming red cheeks.

 

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to, sorry,“ Louis apologized, touching Harry’s shoulder to reassure him that his apology was sincere.

 

“Do you see now?“ Harry said. “You’re touching me again, you probably didn’t even think about that,“ Harry noted in a way that was not accusatory, but simply stating a fact. “Are you always this touchy? I mean, I see you with the kids, you don’t act reserved or shy in any way with them, I’ve seen those piggy-back rides and all the guiding touches to shoulders and backs, I see all of it, but… with adults too, that confuses me.“

 

“Erm, no, that’s just you,“ Louis had to admit, laughing awkwardly.

 

“Oh, alright,“ Harry deadpanned.

 

There was a pause. Neither said anything, but only looked at the other, until Harry suddenly blurted out “Are you gay?“ There was a lot of curiosity in his voice, a bit of suspicion maybe, but nothing that resembled revulsion.

 

Louis was completely dumbfounded. Out of nowhere and then _this_.

 

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,“ Harry started mumbling, when Louis didn’t answer, hiding his face in his hands again and Louis could only guess that he was blushing bright red with embarrassment.

 

“Ah, it’s alright, Harry,“ Louis said. “I just wasn’t actually expecting this.“

 

“Sorry,“ Harry muttered once more, backing away from Louis and sitting down on the edge of his bed.

 

“So, erm, for the record,“ Louis said, “the answer is yes. Yes, I’m gay and yes, I’m still normal and yes, I planned to keep my mouth shut about it here, but that apparently doesn’t work too well with you.“

 

Now it was Harry who was speechless.

 

“You’d better not tell anyone else here,“ Harry whispered.

 

“I wasn’t planning to,“ Louis assured him. “But thanks anyway for not yet including how horrible of a sin being gay is in your prayer circles and Bible study things, I guess…“

 

“I don’t do that!“ Harry interjected firmly, shaking his head fiercely. “I don’t teach the kids that being gay is evil.“

 

“But isn’t this something your religion is convinced of?“

 

“I am not my religion. I am still my own person,“ Harry stated firmly and Louis couldn’t get around noticing how educated Harry was on what he believed in and what he didn’t.

 

“Most of the kids here are taught that it’s evil, a sin, all that, and even though I don’t believe that, I can’t undo harm caused and intensified over years and years in one single week. I’ve had parents take kids out of my youth club meetings and camps because _“Harry told us it’s alright if boys love boys“_. That’s what they said at home. It’s not really of any use if this is the outcome, if I make it even worse for those kids, so I just kinda avoid the topic…“

 

Louis nodded. He figured that it would be insensitive and inappropriate to ask about Harry’s own sexuality right now because Harry looked utterly miserable and so so tired, sitting on the edge of the bed. He wanted to save the world, but found himself utterly unable to do so. “Imposing,“ Harry had said at the pool. “Names aren’t he worst things that get imposed on those kids,“ he had said and Louis thought he now understood more of what Harry had been trying to say.

 

“Hey, hey, it’s alright,“ Louis reassured him quickly, realizing that it was about time for him to leave. He was tired, just like Harry, worn-out from the exhaustion the day had brought with it, and Louis felt sleep-deprived, not able to take responsibility for any of his further actions. He was out of his mind already with the need to just drop down and sleep and he was certain Harry was feeling similar, since he was currently rubbing his tired eyes and doing his best to suppress a yawn that he couldn’t help but let out.

 

Louis felt several urges well up inside of him at the same time, unable to judge where they came from. Maybe from loss of sleep or Harry looking so undeniably pretty and sure, but also somehow very vulnerable in his sleepy state, maybe from the day’s exhaustion or the obvious sexual tension that was somehow still running between the both of them, just more in the background than before. Louis’ urges were telling him very controversial things, confusing himself so much he didn’t know what to believe. Some of his senses were shouting at him to make a run for it before he would make a wrong move, some were screaming to kiss Harry softly, some were whispering at him to take Harry’s hand and rub his back reassuringly.

 

Louis didn’t know which urge it was right to give in to and he couldn’t be bothered to strain his labored and slow-working brain.

 

“I’ll leave now, okay?“ Louis asked, taking a few small steps away from where Harry was sitting on the edge of his bed.

 

“No, stay, Louis, please stay,“ Harry objected, slightly slurring his words due to the tiredness that was now fully hitting him, reaching for Louis’ hand and only grabbing the fabric of his shirt. “Stay.“

 

“Harry, you need to sleep and I’m tired as well, so I’ll just sneak back into the boys’ room, okay?“ Louis asked. “You just get some sleep now, it has to be like two in the morning.“

 

“No, Louis, the- the door creaks when you open it. The door to the boys’ room,“ Harry refused to let Louis go, firmly holding on to the piece of fabric he had managed to grasp.

 

“I’ll be quiet, Harry, so I don’t wake them up,“ Louis reassured Harry, who kept on shaking his head, not letting go of Louis’ shirt.

 

“You’ll scare the boys if you sneak into their room, Louis, you can’t do that - Louis, please stay, stay with me,“ Harry babbled, but there still was a clear force behind his words, something that was speaking directly to Louis and convincing him not to go.

 

“Stay, Lou,“ Harry said once more, leaning back to lie on his bed.

 

And wow, _Lou_. Louis wouldn’t question where exactly this nickname that had originated from Harry’s sleepiness came from; he would gladly take it.

 

“O-okay,“ Louis agreed. “I’ll just go sit on the chair and - I think I could sleep everywhere now anyway,“ he added, rubbing his hand over his eyes to keep them from closing of their own accord.

 

Louis was sure that he could fall asleep on the spot, right here on Harry’s floor probably, the bedside lamp spreading its dim, soothing light and Harry snoring softly.

 

“Come sit ’n the bed,“ Harry slurred, and Louis couldn’t be entirely sure whether Harry was still awake enough to know what he was saying, but Louis draped the blanket over Harry either way and sat down on the edge of the bed.

 

It felt like tucking a kid into bed, just that this was Harry and yeah, Louis realized, he might have gotten himself a crush on this lad. Maybe. A tiny one.

 

Harry was still gripping his shirt’s material in his hand, and Louis couldn’t help but smile at how soft and sleepy Harry looked like that. Like a small child, Louis thought, Harry was breathing deeply and evenly, eyes closed, fingers curled into Louis’ shirt to keep him from leaving and Louis couldn’t properly explain to himself why he found it so incredibly endearing. 

 

And it honestly wasn’t Louis fault that he was gradually getting lulled to sleep by Harry’s soft snores and his even breathing, Harry’s angelic curls spreading out on his pillow, his features relaxed in his sleep making Louis want to do the same. _Sleep_.

 

Louis kept dozing off and jerking awake in his sitting position on the edge of the bed for quite some time. He couldn’t tell whether it had been ten minutes or several hours, but those short intervals of falling asleep and jerking awake again were only wearing him out even more and made Louis feel like he would entirely lose his mind if he didn’t get some actual sleep right this minute. And the only reasonable option was lying down next to Harry on his small bed, right? At least to Louis’ strained, sleep-deprived mind it was.

 

He made the still sleeping Harry budge up to create a bit of space for him. Harry didn’t wake up but only reached out further for Louis, seeking his warmth, grabbing for his body as if he was searching for another pillow to hold on to while he slept. As soon as he laid down, pretty close to Harry because there wasn’t much space left, Harry made a few soft content noises, his hands all over Louis’ body immediately and his face nuzzling into the crook of Louis’ neck.

 

And alright, if Louis fell asleep with Harry’s arms seeking his warmth and his curls tickling Louis’ throat, it wasn’t Louis’ fault. And if he finally gave in to Harry’s soft warm body pressing against his and put his own arm around Harry’s waist, well, that wasn’t his fault either.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

A loud knock on the door made Harry jerk awake, while it only got Louis to made soft grumpy noises and bury his face in the pillow.

 

“Harry? _Harry_?“ a voice shouted, but nobody opened the door. “You missed the wake up time, are you alright?“

 

“I - I missed,“ Harry mumbled, the confusion clear in his voice. “I - I must have fallen asleep again!“ he shouted back to the counsellor on the other side of the door as soon as he saw Louis sitting up beside him in the small bed. “I’ll catch up with you at breakfast, don’t wait for me, sorry,“ Harry added, ruffling through his sleep-messy curls. Louis didn’t quite know how to deal with Harry’s raspy morning voice at such times of day.

 

Harry got out of bed immediately, stepping over Louis in a rush. “Good thing everybody knows they aren’t allowed in here unless I invite them directly,“ Harry muttered, speaking half to Louis and half to himself. “Gosh, you don’t know how much it startled me when I saw someone lying next to me in bed,“ Harry said, his movements shaky and unsure from the scare the sudden knock had given him.

 

“I - erm, sorry,“ Louis mumbled, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, not really knowing what to say. “I don’t really know anymore how exactly I ended up in your bed.“

 

“It’s not your fault,“ Harry assured Louis, his voice still barely more than a whisper, making it obvious that nobody could know that Louis had spent the night in Harry’s bed, no matter how innocent his intentions had been.

 

Louis didn’t dare to think about what would have happened if the counsellor that had come knocking had entered the room. They probably would have managed to depict Louis sleeping in one bed with Harry as Louis attempting to seduce their beloved, innocent head counsellor and had found a way to chuck Louis out of their camp for inappropriate behavior. Louis really didn’t need that on his report.

 

“We’ll have to make something up for you,“ Harry explained the obvious. “Where you’ve been when it was wake up time.“

 

Louis didn’t say anything for a moment, hadn’t even caught Harry’s words properly, because he was too busy staring at Harry not too noticeably since Harry had shamelessly started undressing in front of Louis.

 

“Have the words been knocked out of you?“ Harry tried to joke, turning around to look at Louis, with this unintentionally showing Louis even more of his body. All of it, to be honest.

 

And if Louis hadn’t already been speechless before, he certainly would be now. He simply couldn’t stop staring at Harry’s tall, lean body, all soft milky skin. Louis desperately wanted to stroke his fingertips over it but also mark with his mouth and fingernails. His expanses of pretty, soft skin were accompanied by dark brown curls, which Louis wanted to run his fingers through but at the same time pull at. Louis was split between the need to take Harry into his arms and caress him and make him feel loved, but also the other one to rough Harry up a bit, to lightly bite his skin and lick over it, to simply get his hands all over his appealing body.

 

“Oh, oh, sorry,“ Harry apologized as Louis didn’t say anything, too lost in the sight before him and his thoughts. Blushing, he turned around again, however not able to break the apparent sexual tension that had been rapidly building up since Harry had out of nowhere started losing his clothes without warning.

 

“I just don’t mind being naked, I like it,“ Harry mumbled, talking in the opposite direction as he pulled a fresh shirt out of a drawer. “I should know by now that it sometimes makes other people uncomfortable.“

 

“It’s - erm - it’s alright, yeah,“ Louis was able to force out, struggling to find his words. “I don’t mind it, was just a bit… unexpected.“

 

“So what are you gonna say? Why you were not in your bed?“ Harry urged Louis to think of an excuse. “Oh God, what happened that I let you sleep in my bed, oh God - sorry, I didn’t mean to say that, oh _gosh,_ “ Harry muttered under his breath, quarreling with himself. “We shouldn’t have done that,“ Harry said, speaking quietly and shaking his head. “I’m sorry, it’s not your fault, but this - it’s just not possible at this camp.“

 

“Do you care more about what the other counsellors and such say than what you think about it yourself?“ Louis asked. “If you don’t regret it, they shouldn’t make you do so, you know?“

 

“We need to think about an excuse!“ Harry avoided the question, glad that they had a more urgent matter at hand so that he didn’t have to think about this further.

 

“I’m just gonna skip breakfast and sneak out the back door while everybody is still at breakfast and come in later for your prayer circle and say like that I woke up at an ass-early time and couldn’t fall asleep again so I went for a walk or something,“ Louis said, making up the lie as he went.

 

Harry snorted. “As if you ever woke up one minute before the wake up call!“ he laughed, rolling his eyes while he forced some skin-tight jeans onto his legs.

 

“Well, nobody needs to know,“ Louis snapped. “You might think I haven’t noticed, but all these times so far it has been you to wake me up.“

 

“You - yeah, you might be right,“ Harry admitted, realizing that he had indeed chosen to wake up Louis and the boys in his room himself every single time.

 

“So I’ll go into the dining room now,“ Harry informed Louis, quickly pushing all thoughts about still-sleepy-Louis from his mind somewhere to the back of his memory, as far as they’d go. Right now, Louis still had hair that was ruffled from turning in his sleep and generally having problems looking as if he hadn’t been woken up only minutes ago and from Day One, where he had woken Louis up, Harry had found it somewhat adorable how Louis blinked softly when he was woken up, how he pawed at Harry’s hand that was gently shaking his shoulder, how the first thing he did was always brush his fringe out of his eyes.

 

“I’ll go now,“ Harry said quickly, not waiting for a response, but striding out of the room immediately, refusing to let his interfering, unnecessary thoughts about Louis take over.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Harry, would you join us for a minute?“ Rachel, another Counsellor, asked Harry.

 

It was already afternoon and the children were playing in the garden, while most of the counsellors were sitting on a bench under a big tree. The children were running around on the large lawn, playing various games, well visible from the spot the counsellors were sat at.

 

“Sure,“ Harry said, smiling, but soon turning serious when he saw in their facial expressions that there apparently was something serious to discuss.

 

“We wanted to talk to you about Louis,“ Rachel said in what was almost an easy, conversational tone.

 

Harry could immediately feel his heart speeding up and beating faster, his lips going dry so that he had to swipe his tongue over them, fidgeting with his fingers as he always did when he was nervous. They couldn’t have made the connection between Harry not getting out of bed and Louis not being in his, could they?

 

“What about him?“ Harry asked a bit too quickly.

 

“What do you know about him? Why is he here? He came basically out of nowhere, he’s not from our church,“ Rachel said, not looking Harry in the eye but watching the kids from afar.

 

Following her gaze, Harry saw that she actually wasn’t watching the kids, but much rather Louis, who was completely engaged in a ball game he was playing with the children.

 

And what did Harry know about Louis? He looked absolutely endearing in the morning? He had - platonically and incidentally - shared a bed with Harry? He had stared at Harry today while he had undressed?

 

Those were the only thoughts about Louis coming to Harry’s mind right that minute.

 

“Erm, not a lot…?“ Harry answered, the question mark at the end of the sentence left hanging in the air.

 

“He’s not here because of the religious component, is he?“ Rachel pushed, the other counsellors just quietly watching Harry struggle for words.

 

“He’s good with kids,“ Harry said very brightly.

 

“That’s why he’s here?“

 

Noticing Harry’s hesitation to elaborate, Rachel kept pushing. It was clear to her that Harry was still hiding a detail about Louis.

 

“It’s a form of compensation, you see? Concerning the law. He has to fulfill two weeks of social work, so he’s here,“ Harry explained shortly, making it clear that he considered the matter closed.

 

“Compensation?“ Rachel asked, her voice shrill. “Are they sure that working with _children_ is a good idea for a _criminal_?“

 

“He’s not a criminal,“ Harry objected, strongly disliking where this conversation was going.

 

“But haven’t you _seen_?“ Rachel asked in disbelief, her voice even higher than usual.

 

“What? That he works great with the kids? That they all love him?“ Harry asked annoyed.

 

“The way he _touches_ them?“ Rachel explained, gesturing at Louis who was currently involved in a wild tickle fight the ball game apparently had somehow turned into. “He constantly needs to _touch_ the kids, haven’t you noticed? And that “ _walk_ “ he allegedly had this morning? Don’t you see how fishy this is?“

 

“I can’t believe you’re accusing Louis of - of being some paedophile and possible child abuser or whatever you mean to imply,“ Harry spat out in disbelief.

 

“I’m not saying it that way. We just need to keep an eye on him more, especially next week with our oldest ones, you know? Before we know it, he’s abducted one of the girls…“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Louis, can I have - okay, that sounds stupid now…“ Harry said to Louis when just the two of them were standing at the salad bar in the dining room at lunch time, shovelling salad onto their plates. All around them, the cluttering of plates and cutlery was audible, kids’ and counsellors’ voices surrounding them.

 

“… a word with me?“ Louis completed Harry’s sentence and Harry just bit his lip and nodded awkwardly, his cheeks turning pink already.

 

“Yeah,“ Harry breathed, glad they were with their backs to the rest of the counselling team and the kids, so they wouldn’t see him blushing at Louis’ words.

 

“Only if it ends in your bed again,“ Louis replied cheekily without missing a beat.

 

“ _Louis_ , shh,“ Harry scolded without any real force behind his words, looking left and right frantically. Nobody was listening in on them.

 

“Sorry,“ Louis giggled, and honestly, Harry was so _gone_. How could this pretty-without-trying man strut into his summer camp, bat his long eyelashes seductively, make sexual remarks, joke, smirk with those awfully soft-looking thin lips _and_ giggle like a toddler and have Harry so absolutely _gone_ for him?

 

Harry shook his head in disbelief.

 

“How about we try the community room this time?“ Harry suggested.

 

“There certainly are some comfy couches and chairs in the community room,“ Louis smirked and then walked away without another word.

 

Harry let out a sigh, before he looked at his plate again, which was overly filled with salad, as he hadn’t stopped filling it throughout his talk with Louis.

 

 _Oh well._ At least he was getting a lot of vitamins on Louis’ account.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Can you sing, Louis? Are you a good singer?“ Esther asked Louis enthusiastically, clinging to Louis and hugging his throat from behind, making Louis feel close to being strangled.

 

Harry had assembled everyone - children and counsellors - in the prayer room for what he called “ _Praise and Worship Singing_ “. Currently, all the kids were still milling about, as Harry was still busy getting his guitar out of its bag and tuning it, many children wanting to help and watch him, completely fascinated. Some of the other counsellors were busy handing out songbooks and getting the kids to sit down, which proved to be almost impossible.

 

“Oh yes, I can, you won’t have to run away when I sing,“ Louis answered, smiling even broader as he made the girl giggle with the thought of having to run away because of someone hitting the wrong note.

 

“Can you sing _I love Jesus_?“ Jonah on his other side wanted to know.

 

“I don’t think so…“ Louis replied. “You’ll have to teach me,“ he joked and the children around him nodded, taking their mission to teach Louis this song very seriously.

 

“It’s really easy,“ Ruthie chimed in. “You just have to remember to clap your hands when we do!“

 

“Alright. How’s Harry, is he a good singer?“ Louis asked, although he knew. He had heard Harry sing enough times at morning and evening prayers to know that Harry was an enthusiastic singer of religious songs with an amazing voice.

 

If he weren’t a religious social worker, Harry could just as well be a pop star, Louis was sure. Everybody would be infatuated by those long, messy curls and the pink lips immediately, just as quickly as Harry’s appearance but even more his personality had captured Louis.

 

“He teaches us all those songs!“

“Harry’s got the prettiest voice!“

“Harry can play the guitar!“

“He knows so many songs!“

Those and many other things were what the kids had to say about Harry’s singing ability - or talent rather - speaking over one another to tell Louis what they thought about Harry’s singing.

 

As soon as he was done tuning his guitar, Harry started strumming a few chords and within seconds the children were scurrying to sit down and open their songbooks. In a rush, Esther climbed off of Louis’ back, let go of his throat and quickly occupied the pillow next to Louis.

 

“Let’s start with the sign of the cross,“ Harry welcomed everyone with a wide smile.

 

“In the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit,“ everyone chorused, making the sign of the cross.

 

“We’ve gathered here to praise God with our voices for all He gives us. First, we want to ask God to open our hearts, open them for Him as well as for one another, our brothers and sisters in Christ. Please open your songbooks on page 36,“ Harry said, smoothing over the pages in his own book once more before he adjusted his guitar and started playing.

 

Louis felt the other counsellors watch him, keeping a close eye on him to see if he was participating, so Louis started to sing along with the others as he didn’t know how he could fake his interest otherwise.

 

“Open the eyes of my heart, Lord

Open the eyes of my heart

I want to see You

I want to see You

 

To see You high and lifted up

Shinin’ in the light of Your glory

Pour out your pow’r and love

As we sing holy, holy, holy

 

Open the eyes of my heart, Lord

Open the eyes of my heart

I want to see You

I want to see You

 

Holy, holy, holy

We cry holy, holy, holy

You are holy, holy, holy

I want to see You“

 

 

And to be honest, Louis didn’t want to see any Lord, he couldn’t have cared less about God in that moment, he couldn’t feel His presence, but he could most definitely feel something when looking at Harry. Harry, who was singing his heart out, strumming the chords with his eyes closed, his voice leading the others, louder than the rest.

And yes, Louis could feel that spark, Harry’s enthusiasm transferring itself on Louis, just a tiny bit, making him get a taste of what this was for Harry, although he himself couldn’t quite grasp it. Louis wondered if all of the counsellors and kids were in this for their faith or if some were just participating to watch Harry sing his heart out. Because well, this was most definitely worth it.

 

“Can we sing _I love Jesus_ now?“ some of the children asked as soon as the song was over.

 

“Sure!“ Harry agreed. “Do you want to do the little dance we learned last time in Youth Club? You can show Louis!“

 

“Yes, yes! Louis, you have to dance and sing with us!“ Esther said to Louis, grasping his hand to get him to stand up like everyone else when Harry was already starting to play again.

 

“I love Jesus

Deep down in my heart

I love Jesus

Deep down in my heart

 

And it goes deep, deep

Down, down

Deep down in my heart

And it goes deep, deep

Down, down

Deep down in my heart“

 

The lyrics weren’t difficult, and neither was the dance, so Louis was able to clap and sing along very quickly, to the delight of all the children.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When Harry entered the community room this evening to meet up with Louis, Louis was already there. Getting the children into bed proved to be more difficult with each day that passed, since the children wanted to stay up longer and longer every day.

 

“I’m utterly knackered,“ Harry sighed, letting himself drop down into a chair next to Louis, stretching his tired legs. “I can’t even talk properly anymore,“ he complained. Harry’s voice was indeed croaky and a bit hoarse. “I’m not used to singing _that_ much.“

 

“You’re singing really really well, though,“ Louis complimented him. “Not really my type of songs, but your voice definitely is my type.“

 

“Thanks,“ Harry laughed, a hint of red quickly creeping onto his cheeks.

 

“So what are we here for this time?“ Louis asked. “I really tried to stay out of your way today, it can’t be that I was distracting you this time! If we leave out the one occurrence at lunch at least, but you already wanted to talk to me then.“

 

“No, no, that’s not the thing,“ Harry sighed. “This time you’re not the offender, but the victim.“

 

Louis motioned for Harry to go on, waiting for what was to come.

 

“So today, the counsellors, they - erm, like, they wanted to know about you and you - I mean, they just - they don’t know, and I,“ Harry stuttered, getting caught up in his own words.

 

“They - what? They asked about me? Why I’m here or…?“ Louis asked, interrupting Harry’s failed attempt to explain.

 

“Yes, yes, exactly,“ Harry agreed, glad that Louis had saved him from trying to elaborate further.

 

“So they know that I’m here on a compensation program, right?“ Louis asked and Harry just nodded.

 

“They - they think, Louis, they think you’re a child abuser!“ Harry couldn’t help but blurt out.

 

“I’m - _what_? I’m a -? That’s ridiculous, like, why do they think so? You know that this is not true, don’t you? Geez, I would never touch a kid like that, I could never! How do they think they can assume that?“ Louis worried, obviously upset. “I mean I get that you have to be careful here, what with the close contact to the kids, but how can they assume that? That I’d- no…“

 

“I don’t think so,“ Harry was quick to assure, resting one of his giant hands on Louis’ petite shoulder.

 

Louis let out a huge breath, relieved that at least Harry didn’t suspect him to mistreat children.

 

“They just want me gone, don’t they?“ Louis asked and Harry shrugged noncommittally.

 

“What I did that got me here was not motivated by greed or anger or brutality, I was just… bored and stupid I guess,“ Louis admitted, still upset.

 

“What exactly did you do?“ Harry questioned. “Theft is what it says on your report, but what did you steal?“

 

“Look, I told you that I used to work in that antique furniture shop and it was the most boring thing on the planet, right?“ Louis took a breath, and continued when he saw Harry nod. “Well, to cure the boredom I kinda made a … habit out of stealing? I know that it was stupid, no need to tell me, and I also didn’t plan on re-selling any of the stuff - not that it’d work better than in that dusty shop anyway. None of it was anything valuable or really antique either, that’s the reason why I got away with compensation and a fine, you see?“

 

Harry nodded, imagining Louis bored to death in a shop for antique furniture, debating with himself what to steal next while walking around in circles, antique furniture on his left and right.

 

“They actually should’ve been happy to have someone get that stuff off their hands,“ Louis complained. “Even if it was without paying.“

 

“What was it that you’d steal?“ Harry asked.

 

“Nothing major, like I said. A curtain for example, that thing was all flounced and fringed and such, nobody would’ve bought that anyway. Or an ugly-ass bedside lamp with giraffes painted on them? Giraffes! Fucking giraffes! I don’t know what happened to the giraffes’ color, I’m just gonna say that they were rather green than yellow… And that thing didn’t even _work_ anymore, that was the only antique aspect about it.“

 

Thinking once again about how ridiculous it was, Louis burst into a laugh at the same time as Harry.

 

“So yeah, that Giraffe-lamp was what brought me here,“ Louis concluded, laughing.

 

“I’m glad that this Giraffe-lamp existed,“ Harry replied, already more serious, and involuntarily created a thicker air with this, an atmosphere heavy with sexual tension, just with those simple words.

 

Louis had thought that maybe it had dissipated after a day of avoiding close contact with Harry, but if anything, it was even stronger, drawing both of them towards the other more fiercely.

 

“I’ll go to bed now, Louis,“ Harry announced after a slightly awkward minute of just looking at the other, thus breaking the tension. “I can only hope to make it to my bed,“ Harry groaned, brushing his palms over his thighs. “I’ll even have to skip showering.“

 

“For real? Harry “ _Nobody goes to bed without having had a shower_ “ Styles plans on skipping his own shower?“ Louis joked, smirking at Harry.

 

“Shut up,“ Harry laughed, getting up with a yawn. “I’ll just set my alarm earlier and shower before it’s even wake up time,“ he explained. “You don’t need to worry that I’ll be smelly and stinky the whole day tomorrow.“

 

 

 + + +

 

 

When Louis woke up the next morning, it was not to Harry pushing back the curtains, opening the window and singing whichever song apparently came to his mind - so far there had been Mamma Mia by ABBA, Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go by Wham!, The Jingle Bell Rock and some religious songs. It also wasn’t to the boys in his room yawning and padding around barefoot, or to Harry shaking his shoulder insistently that Louis woke up to.

 

Turning over, Louis could see that the boys were still sleeping. It had to be an unimaginable time of day, the light falling into the room through the curtains was dim and the air in the room was stuffy.

 

When Louis turned around in his bunk to check on the other boys, he immediately noticed the reason why he had woken up earlier than he had to. His cock brushed against his briefs’ fabric with the movement and it was most definitely hard and leaking drops of precome already, since Louis could feel an uncomfortably wet and sticky patch where his dick’s tip was tenting the fabric.

 

Palming his clothed cock once, Louis couldn’t hold back a breathy groan, quickly clasping his other hand over his mouth to muffle himself. Waking up with a hard-on at the camp was nothing new to Louis, but his frustration had obviously been constantly building up further the past days, reaching its peak this time, assuring Louis that this time he wouldn’t be able to force his fully hard cock into some jeans and pray for his erection to go down quickly.

 

The constant exposure to Harry’s charm and the resulting sexual tension and frustration were clearly taking their toll on Louis. Louis felt physically unable to take his hand away from his cock, now that he had already started touching it, giving in to the pleasure of slow, delicious strokes over his briefs, feeling the fabric sliding over his sensitive skin roughly.

 

Although his mind felt slightly hazy not only from it being early morning but also from the frustration he desperately wanted to relieve, Louis still knew that he couldn’t possibly finish himself off in the same room with the small boys, since there was no way Louis could keep quiet enough throughout his wank, not even if he bit into his pillow while rutting against the sheets. Already those slow strokes had him huffing and suppressing moans. It really was a burden for Louis sometimes, being so vocal during sex.

 

Straining his slow-working mind to find a way that allowed him to get off - _any_ way, really - Louis suddenly noticed the shower in the bathroom adjacent to the boys’ bedroom being turned on. He could hear the splatter of water, just softly, but this was definitely someone turning on the shower. There was only one person coming to Louis’ mind that would shower at this time of day because he didn’t get to do it yesterday anymore…

 

Suddenly, there was a decision. Not caring to stop to double-check his quite risky plan, Louis climbed out of bed, taking a look at his phone to confirm his assumption that it was about half an hour before everyone would wake up. Perfect.

 

After sneaking to Harry’s room without any problem, Louis not only found the door unlocked, but also left ajar, a sign that Harry had gone somewhere else. Getting that rush of doing something forbidden again, Louis slipped into Harry’s room, closing the door behind himself. Harry trusted everyone at the camp enough to respect his privacy and not enter his room without permission, and well, Louis was just borrowing the room, he wasn’t interested in any of Harry’s belongings, he just needed a place to jerk off without getting interrupted. Harry’s room was ideal for this because nobody would dare enter his room without being permitted to do so, even if there were some soft sounds coming from it. Another bonus was that Harry’s room wasn’t right next to any other bedrooms, so the risk of anyone hearing was not that high either.

 

Louis desperately shucked off his briefs immediately, leaving him entirely naked, standing in the middle of the room, facing the door because there was a cross on the opposite wall over Harry’s bed and Louis just didn’t really feel like looking at it while jerking off. Louis let out a sigh of pleasure as he finally was able to wrap his hand around his cock that had pre-come beading at the slit and was practically begging to be touched.

 

Sliding his fist up and down in a tight grip, Louis let out his first moan, not holding back but still trying not to be _too_ loud. With just a few strokes on his length and a few twists of his hand to thumb over the wet head of his cock, Louis was way gone, losing himself in dirty thoughts. The leading man in them was a certain charming, overly attractive young man, who was gradually losing more and more of his clothes as Louis sped up his fist on his dick, until Louis was close and the tall man with the pretty curls was only wearing his delicate cross, dangling from his neck on the silver chain.

 

Swiping his thumb over his cock’s head and applying some gentle pressure, groaning at the nice feeling, Louis could feel the heat coiling in his belly, moaning at just the prospect of his near release.

 

Suddenly there was a noise, startling Louis out of his thoughts and causing him to open his eyes that he had had closed to picture this certain man with the silver cross better. And right there before his eyes stood this exact man, the only difference to how Louis had imagined him being that the real Harry had a towel slung around his hips instead of being fully naked. Louis couldn’t stop staring, blinking a few times to see if this was indeed real. He didn’t drop his hand from his cock but also didn’t keep on moving it anymore either.

 

Frozen to the spot, Harry did nothing but stare at Louis, he couldn’t even blush. He just looked at Louis, who was naked from head to toe, his dick in his hand and staring back at Harry intensely. _In his own room._

 

Neither said anything, neither even knew what to say or do, and neither backed off. After about a minute that felt way longer and more intense to both of them, Louis started moving his hand again, just slowly and not taking his eyes off of Harry, who was just watching him, one hand holding his towel in place.

 

Soon, Louis was feeling close again, now with the subject of his frustration and desire right in front of him. Harry must’ve been able to tell due to Louis’ moans getting louder and more desperate, so he took a few steps towards him and Louis interrupted the slide of his hand on his cock and looked at Harry in confusion.

 

“May I?“ Harry asked shyly, pointing awkwardly at Louis’ cock, his blush eventually returning to his cheeks harder than ever.

 

Louis’ first reaction was to simply stare at Harry some more, completely dumbfounded, while his mind was screaming strings of _hell yes_ and _why didn’t you offer earlier_ and _fuck yes, get your hand over here_ and _go the fuck on right now_.

 

In contrast to his mind, Louis’ tongue could only force out a quiet, broken “yes“.

 

Batting away Louis’ own hand that Louis hadn’t managed to remove because he was simply too baffled, Harry wrapped his big hand around Louis’ girth and dragged his fist up and down without any real finesse since the angle was awkward, but still, it felt _so_ good to Louis, having someone else’s hand on his desperately hard and leaking cock.

 

“Oh _God_ , you’re so good, Harry,“ Louis drew out in bliss, throwing his head back.

 

“Don’t,“ Harry said sharply, “use the Lord’s name in vain,“ and pressed his fingernail into Louis’ slit and the precome gathering there, _just_ on this side of too hard to make it not entirely pleasurable anymore, a reprimand and a relief at the same time, ripping another moan from Louis.

 

“Ahh, sorry,“ Louis groaned, putting his hands on Harry’s shoulders for leverage. However, this soon wasn’t enough anymore for Louis, he needed to get his hands on Harry’s body properly, so he simply let them slide down Harry’s chest, feeling the smooth skin under his fingertips.

 

Dizzy from how close he was once again, Louis leaned forward, his head resting in the crook of Harry’s neck, the exact same spot where his head had been when they had shared a bed and once again Harry didn’t stop him. This time, though, he could feel the cool metal of Harry’s silver cross against his forehead, pressing into his skin.

 

“Gonna come?“ Harry asked shyly, thumbing over Louis’ cock’s sensitive head in slow circles.

 

Louis could only nod and croak out a weak “ _Harry_ “ before he was already coming, shooting come over Harry’s fist and his own belly.

 

“Go- _Gosh_ , that was so good, Harry, perfect,“ Louis panted, coming down from his orgasm-induced high, taking a step back from Harry, who was clearly blushing violently, trying hard to look anywhere but at Louis.

 

“I have to go now,“ was all that Harry had to say, turning around on his heel and walking out of the room in a hurry, leaving Louis alone and wondering if Harry turning up in just a towel and finishing Louis off had been nothing but a creation of his horny, dirty mind.

 

Sighing, Louis picked his briefs up from the ground and put them on, wrinkling up his nose at the dried, disgusting spot at the front of them.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Louieee, I don’t want to go home again,“ Timothy whined, not looking at Louis because he was busy cutting something out with child-friendly scissors. “Why does it have to be Friday already?“

 

“Time flies when you’re having fun, right?“ Louis said, desperately trying to draw an at least halfway acceptable whale with a blue pencil.

 

Since it was raining surprisingly heavily today after whole days of bright blue sky and blazing heat, Harry had had to make up another activity as a replacement for the one that had originally been planned to keep the children busy. What Harry had made up was mainly a crafting and drawing day, leaving Louis pouting at him since he didn’t like those activities much. Louis preferred the outdoor games, especially playing footie with the boys (“Sara, you can’t play football, that’s only for the boys,“ the counsellors had said). However, Louis was also fine with board or card games, but _crafting_?

 

“Stop sulking and help us, Louis,“ Harry had laughed and pushed a piece of paper and some pencils into Louis’ hands. “How about you draw a nice whale for us? You know, for Jonah and the Whale!“

 

Louis didn’t know about any Jonah except the kid with that name participating at the camp and he didn’t know what he allegedly had done to that whale, but not able to resist Harry’s wish and bored anyway, he started drawing lines that should result in a whale.

 

The activity Harry was currently leading was about drawing scenes out of the Bible and then putting them onto one big poster.

 

“What is your favourite story in the Bible, Louis?“ Timothy asked Louis, holding up his drawing for Louis to see. “Mine is the one about Noah’s Ark!“

 

“My - erm… my favourite… well, I like Noah’s Ark a lot as well,“ Louis tried to get out of the awkward situation. He could list about five stories that he thought were related to the Bible, and none of them were any “favourites“ of his, that was for sure.

 

“It’s great how God saves the ones who deserve it!“ Timothy agreed, eyes wide and gleaming with enthusiasm. “God is amazing, don’t you think?“

 

“Uhh, yeah…“ Louis agreed, just for the sake of not getting into trouble and confusing the children. Luckily, Timothy was satisfied with the answer and didn’t notice Louis’ hesitation in the slightest.

 

Before Timothy could ask further questions, Harry luckily came around to them again. “How’s it going? Oh, that’s a lovely Ark, Tim! Are you going to draw some animals as well?“ Harry asked, stepping closer to examine Timothy’s drawing. “I think Louis is already drawing the first giraffe for you!“ Harry teased, showing off his dimples with his wide grin.

 

“A blue giraffe, really?“ Louis asked, holding his half-finished drawing at arms’ length away from himself to get a proper look at it. “And it doesn’t look like a giraffe, does it?“ Louis pouted, also holding it up for Timothy to see.

 

“It looks like a huge blue cat without legs,“ Timothy said after scrunching up his face in deep concentration for a second, completely serious and nodding to emphasize his point.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“All in the community room, come on! Do you need help with your hair, Veronica?“ Louis tried to gather all the children.

 

“Does it look good, Louis?“ she asked, casting a final glance at the mirror.

 

“Sure, love! You’re playing a teacher tonight, right?“ Louis asked, smiling when he fixed the obviously nervous girl’s ponytail with gentle fingers. “I’m sure you’ll do great,“ he encouraged her, walking to the community room.

 

For the evening, Harry had organized what he called a “Social Entertainment Evening“, since it was the kids’ last one in the Camp House for this summer. With the counsellors’ help they had all been put into little groups. The children had then had to think of something to perform for the others and rehearse it. Little theatre scenes they had invented themselves, songs they had changed the lyrics for, short games they were planning to let the other kids play, all of these things were what the afternoon was spent on preparing. Louis found himself heading from one group to the next, helping with a makeshift costume here and with finding a rhyming lyric there, putting little pieces of inspiration here and a few ideas there, trying to help every group to the same extent.

 

In the community room all the chairs and sofas had been pushed to one half of the room to form rows there, while the other half was to serve as the stage for the performing groups.

 

At the head of the room, right in the middle of the “stage“ was Harry, motioning for Louis to close the door as soon as all the kids were assembled and seated. Louis sat down on an unoccupied sofa.

 

“Welcome to our Social Entertainment Evening!“ Harry welcomed everybody enthusiastically, spreading his arms wide. “Tomorrow it’s time for you to go home again, so we’ll make the most of our last evening together for this year! Remember: For this year only! I’m looking forward to welcoming all of you back next year! Now let’s jump right into the action, yeah? Let’s invite group number one onto the stage now with an applause!“

 

And well, Louis thought, the man in the middle of the “stage“ wasn’t only wet dream and pop star material, he also had some traits of a TV entertainer. An entertainer for children maybe.

 

“So what is it that you’ll perform for us today?“ Harry asked the five children, which were standing around him nervously.

 

Fumbling with his jeans’ back pocket, evoking not entirely clean thoughts in Louis’ mind, Harry drew a hairbrush out of his pocket, holding it in front of one kid’s mouth.

 

And Louis, Louis was gone. He didn’t know whether he wanted to smile so big his face cracked in half or whether he wanted to bury his face in his hands so he wouldn’t have to watch Harry being so ridiculous, using a bloody _hairbrush_ as his microphone. Louis had been sure that this was something people only did in music videos and bad musicals, but no, here right in front of him was Harry, letting a child talk into a _hairbrush_ while keeping a serious expression, nodding at the child’s words.

 

Without getting the chance to decide for himself, Louis went for the first of the two options he had thought of: letting a grin split his face into two halves, so wide it hurt in the corners of his mouth. He just couldn’t help it. In that moment, Louis was sure what it was that he looked for in Harry, what it was that he wanted. He wanted it _all_. He wanted to kiss that huge dork softly, he wanted to tug on that cross chain hard, he wanted to bury his face in Harry’s curly hair, he wanted to slide his hands all down Harry’s body, he wanted to marry him, he wanted to have children with him, he wanted to grow old with him, and he wanted to fuck him into an orgasm that would be difficult to forget.

It was downright confusing.

 

“We’re going to sing a song that we made the lyrics for ourselves,“ Peter said proudly.

 

“Well, how cool is that?“ Harry said in earnest, now holding the hairbrush-microphone in front of David’s mouth. “David, maybe you could tell us which melody your song is based on? What’s the original song called?“

 

“Uh, it’s _Walking in a Winter Wonderland,_ “ David answered.

 

“Amazing, we’re getting a bit of a Christmas feeling here, aren’t we?“ Harry joked.

 

“Noo,“ Rebecca groaned in half-annoyance, rolling her eyes at Harry, who quickly moved the brush to be in front of her face. “We changed the _lyrics_ , Harry.“

 

“Oh, sure,“ Harry laughed. “Okay, the stage is yours!“ Harry added cheerfully, skipping off of the makeshift stage and directly over to Louis’ sofa, plopping down right next to him.

 

The counsellor who was in charge of the music took a few more moments, finally managing to get the karaoke-version of _Walking in a Winter Wonderland_ going.

 

The evening went on like that. Little snippets of theatre scenes alternated with songs, each performance earning a huge applause from the other kids and counsellors along with a standing ovation on Harry’s part.

 

It had been Harry’s only requirement for the songs and theatre performances to either have some religious connection or some moral lesson learned by the end.

 

And the moral lessons were all fine with Louis. Don’t steal, try not to lie, help others, don’t commit any crimes. However, Louis was irked by the religious values that were engrained in the children’s minds and came through clearly when they were free to create their own little play: There is only one true religion, priests can’t marry, homosexuality is a sin, stereotypical gender roles and racial prejudices all around. All of those were already deeply rooted in even the seven-year-olds. They all seemed natural to the kids, hammered home constantly since their birth. However, they _weren’t_. None of this was natural, Louis knew.

 

It took about an hour for all the groups to perform what they had practiced throughout the afternoon.

 

“I think that was absolutely amazing! Only great performances, perfect end to a great summer camp, I hope!“ Harry said after all the performances were over, talking into his brush again as he had also done to introduce every group and ask them a few questions. “Now it’s time to go change into pajamas as fast as possible and then jump into bed. Maybe there are still some unpacked suitcases or some showers to take?“ Harry asked before dismissing the children to get ready for bed, a few counsellors hurrying away after them to supervise the packing of suitcases.

 

“Louis, can you stay and help me move the furniture back, please?“ Harry asked. “The rest of you can go, please watch the kids for me, I’ll catch up with you shortly!“ Harry addressed the other counsellors still left in the community room.

 

Louis and Harry started moving the furniture around, working alongside each other without speaking, in quiet agreement, until Harry surprisingly put the chair he had been carrying down, drawing Louis’ attention to him.

 

“Look,“ Harry said, drawing the word out, leaning on the back of the chair he had just put down. “I know what’s going on with this religion. I know that’s it not all sunshine and love-each-other. I’m not that naive, you have to know. My religion is neither all good nor all bad, just like any other religion.“

 

“I’m not accusing you of anything. You don’t try to force your religion onto me and you can believe in what you want. It’s just - it’s… what those children get taught is _wrong_. Straight up _wrong_.“

 

“I know, Louis, I know. I got into social religious work with huge aspirations and hopes. I was 19, I wanted to change the _world_. I thought that I could make a difference in the rigid structures of church,“ Harry explained, and Louis didn’t miss the clear bitterness in his tone. “I can’t though.“

 

In that moment, all Louis wanted to do was hug Harry, cheer him up and make him feel better, so this is what he did: clasp Harry in his arms. Harry didn’t put up any resistance at all, instead melted into Louis’ touch, trying to get closer to his warm body, snuggling into his chest.

 

“You _do_ make a difference,“ Louis whispered into Harry’s hair that was tickling his nose in their current position. “I see you trying to sneakily change their opinions. A little remark here and there.“

 

“It’s agonizing how that’s the only thing I can do,“ Harry complained. “But if I try to do more, to kinda _act up_ , you know, they’re gonna chuck me out and what good would that do?“

 

“It’s alright, love, I understand, you’re good,“ Louis soothed Harry, running one hand through Harry’s curls to keep them from falling into his eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Lou, I know that it hurts you, especially the… you know, the gay-thing, the homophobia,“ Harry whispered into Louis’ chest.

 

Right when Louis wanted to answer that it wasn’t that bad, that he could take it, Harry started to speak again, hardly more than a whisper that Louis had to strain his ears to hear.

 

“I feel the same. It hurts.“

 

Louis didn’t say anything, but just kept on holding Harry tightly. If this was Harry coming out to him, pouring his heart out to _Louis_ , someone he had known for less than a week, then Louis wanted to make this as painless for Harry as he possibly could. He definitely wouldn’t force Harry to say anything more, he would just hold onto Harry and make him feel as safe as he could.

 

“I - I’m not gay, Louis,“ Harry said, but Louis could feel Harry shaking his head against his chest where he was leaning against him.

 

Louis just rubbed Harry’s back reassuringly, waiting for Harry to go on. It wasn’t like Louis hadn’t gone through his own phase of denial.

 

“I - I’m really not,“ Harry whispered brokenly. “I like women, I just… I like guys, too. I like _you_ , Louis,“ Harry sobbed, the sounds muffled by Louis’ shirt’s fabric which he was still nuzzling into.

 

“Baby, you might be bisexual,“ Louis whispered back, one of his hands on Harry’s back and the other tangled in his hair. “You might also be pansexual or polysexual or something completely different, and that’s all alright, you’re okay, baby,“ Louis said.

 

“It’s just so confusing, Louis, I - why do I have to be so attracted to you, Lou, I’ve never-“

 

“Don’t you think that God loves all, Harry?“ Louis asked softly.

 

“Of course He does, _of course,_ “ Harry whispered, his voice rough. Louis could feel a wet spot on his shirt where Harry’s eyes were, tears soaking through the fabric. “God loves _all_.“

 

There was a pause and all that could be heard was Harry breathing loudly through his tears, while Louis didn’t even think about letting go of the other boy.

 

“It’s just… it’s the first time I’m… I’m telling someone,“ Harry murmured. “I’m used to hiding behind that one side of me. The acceptable one.“

 

“It’s alright, love, you’re alright, you’re so brave,“ Louis mumbled and couldn’t resist the urge to press a kiss to the top of Harry’s head.

 

“I don’t understand why I want you so much,“ Harry whispered. “And I’m so sorry. I was so good at suppressing… this.“

 

“I like you too, Harry, a lot, shh.“ Louis soothed Harry, this time kissing Harry’s forehead.

 

“Do you really mean this? All those nice words? Did you mean them?“ Harry whispered in fear, tightening the hold of his hands around Louis’ waist.

 

“Every single one,“ Louis confirmed, nodding firmly.

 

“Can… we have to go before someone comes looking,“ Harry said, rubbing the last of his tears into Louis’ shirt. “But can - can you…“

 

“What is it that you want, love?“ Louis asked softly when Harry was obviously unable to proceed.

 

“… kiss me again? My forehead?“ Harry whispered, looking up at Louis with watery and slightly red, but incredibly bright eyes.

 

“Of course I can,“ Louis agreed, a soft smile on his lips as he pressed another kiss to Harry’s forehead, this time letting it linger longer.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Harry! Your eyes look so red, are you alright? Have you been crying?“ Rachel asked when she saw Harry checking on the kids.

 

“Sure, sure,“ Harry answered quickly, putting a big smile on his face. “It’s just a bit emotional letting the kids go again after a whole week of such close contact, don’t you think?“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Do you still want me to come in?“ Louis asked softly, knocking on Harry’s door that was left ajar.

 

The children had, after putting up quite a fight, all gone to bed and it was late once again. It was late and they were alone and exhausted once again. Louis wasn’t too sure whether coming in was a good idea.

 

“Yes, please,“ Harry answered, pulling Louis into his room by his hand.

 

Louis had expected the air between them to be awkward and tense considering what had happened in the community room, but Harry didn’t leave them any time for that. Instead, he literally threw himself at Louis, hugging the other man to himself as if he couldn’t stand being without his touch for just a second longer.

 

Startled for a second, Louis took a moment to hug Harry back and put his arms around the taller man’s lean body.

 

“It’s good to have you,“ Harry mumbled. “It’s good to have someone who understands me.“

 

“I feel so too,“ Louis agreed, smiling big.

 

“What do you think about summer camp so far, actually? Is it bearable for you?“ Harry changed the topic, clearly wanting to avoid making this all about him.

 

“It’s okay, good even,“ Louis replied, as Harry slowly let go of him. “The children are precious and working with them is great fun for me, I just can’t identify with the religious parts, like Bible study or your prayer circles.“

 

“I know I told you before, but the kids really don’t know what they’re saying, they just repeat what they hear at home. They don’t mean any harm.“

 

“Of course they don’t,“ Louis agreed, shaking his head.

 

“And I - I can’t just get rid of my faith like that, dump it in the bin, it belongs to me, I wouldn’t want to live without it, but there are things that aren’t… Homophobia isn’t a part of the faith within me, so I got rid of it and those kids can do the same.“

 

Louis nodded. “I have a question though.“

 

“Ask away,“ Harry encouraged him with a small smile.

 

“This church community hurts you, it basically denies and forbids your existence. So why do you stay? Your faith isn’t tied to this community, is it? You can believe and pray without it.“

 

Harry thought for a minute. “It’s not that easy,“ he said slowly. “I feel like my faith wouldn’t be the same without a community around it, it wouldn’t be as strong. And I don’t walk out not only because of this, but also because I … I already told you, I kinda have those _Save the World-_ tendencies. They’re very strong in me,“ Harry explained, looking away from Louis in embarrassment. “Those kids are the next generation of church people, and I want them to be better than the one that raised them. It actually is a fight I can’t win,“ Harry sighed, still not looking at Louis.

 

“Hey, hey,“ Louis said softly but firmly, turning Harry’s head back around to face him, guiding him with soft fingertips on Harry’s jaw. “There’s nothing wrong with wanting to create a better world. Nothing. That’s great, Harry, that you have the courage to fight, that’s more than most other people even dream of.“

 

“Thanks, Lou,“ Harry smiled, grabbing Louis’ hands in his own bigger ones. “I just feel so helpless sometimes, I can do so few things if I want to avoid everything blowing up in my face,“ Harry admitted. “I just have to be so careful that I feel as if I were on a secret mission.“

 

“But you’re doing great, love,“ Louis reassured Harry.

 

“Do you really think so?“ Harry asked critically. “I mean I’m already 26 and I’m just now finding the courage to… to kinda be myself, to allow myself to admit that I can fall for a man. I’m way too _old_ for that.“

 

“Hey, none of that,“ Louis said, squeezing Harry’s hands. “You’re never too old to learn more about yourself and find out who you really are a bit more each day. It’s different for everyone, but there’s no wrong way.“

 

Harry sent Louis a sad smile that was soon replaced by a shy, hopeful one.

 

“I’d really like to kiss you,“ Harry mumbled in what was hardly more than a whisper, unable to keep the words from escaping. He buried his face in Louis’ shoulder immediately, his cheeks flushing with embarrassment, his hands gripping Louis’ tightly. “Sorry, sorry,“ he whispered. “I didn’t mean to say that, I mean, I want to, but-“

 

“Then do it,“ Louis said, a fond smile creeping onto his face. “You can if you want to.“

 

“I can?“ Harry asked, lifting his head up from Louis’ shoulder to see Louis smile and nod. 

 

Taking no time to argue with himself whether this was right, Harry leaned towards Louis, giving him a kiss to the cheek, right on the corner of his mouth. It was nothing more than a quick peck, yet it felt so very intimate.

 

“I kissed a _man,_ “ Harry said only moments after drawing back again, his eyes wide not with shock but with incredible amazement.

 

“You did indeed,“ Louis chuckled, his hands still tangled with Harry’s and his smile softer and more heavily laced with fond than ever before.

 

The short sweet kiss Harry had given him definitely had to be the most intimate touch they had shared, far more intimate and sweeter than the one occurrence where Harry had helped Louis get off in his room with a few strokes of his hand. Maybe what the kiss had made Louis feel was an even closer connection and deeper feeling than he had ever shared with any partner he’d had.

 

Louis had done it all. He had gone all the way with his partners - all the way and back again - had been in some relationships as well as a part of some random hook-ups, but this feeling Harry was giving him was on a whole new level.

 

“Can I do that again?“ Harry asked shyly, swiping his tongue over his already shiny lips, oblivious to what this did to Louis.

 

“Sure,“ Louis giggled, while Harry’s blush intensified. “As many times as you’d like.“

 

“Can I,“ Harry asked, pausing to build up his courage again, while Louis tried to wait patiently. “Can I kiss you on the _lips_?“ Harry asked timidly, whispering the last word.

 

“Yes,“ Louis giggled again, leaning forward to encourage Harry to go on.

 

Only hesitating for a second, Harry pressed his shiny pink lips to Louis’, pulling back before Louis even got the chance to kiss back.

 

“I kissed a man for the second time,“ Harry whispered, completely giddy.

 

“Might as well do it again,“ Louis smirked, receiving an eager nod from Harry, who attacked him with another kiss straight away, this time drawing it out long enough for Louis to kiss back, pressing his lips to Harry’s and gripping Harry’s shoulders.

 

Harry’s hands went to cradle Louis’ face delicately, stroking a thumb over Louis’ cheek and caressing it while Louis moved his lips against Harry’s soft ones, which he couldn’t get enough of.

 

“Oh God, I love this so much,“ Louis panted when they had to pull apart due to lack of air. Louis didn’t let go though, running his small hands all over Harry’s shoulders and back.

 

“I love it too,“ Harry said it back immediately, going in for yet another kiss, his mind too far gone to care about Louis’ blaspheming. Neither found it in them to think that maybe it was too soon to speak of love; they both felt that they had waited more than enough to finally get their hands and lips on the other, but now there was no holding back anymore, no biding their time.

 

Louis pulled Harry back towards him slowly, a stumble of feet and tangled legs while they made their way to sit on Harry’s bed, their kisses getting messier and sloppier gradually, but also more passionate and less careful and tentative.

 

“You’re so gorgeous, want you so much,“ Louis panted when they had to catch their breath again, letting his lips brush the skin on Harry’s cheek and his breath fan over it teasingly.

 

“ _Lou,_ “ Harry whined, his hands sliding over all of Louis’ upper body rapidly, as if he wanted to touch every inch of Louis’ body at once, his mouth on Louis’ throat.

 

“What’s the matter, love?“ Louis asked, leaning back a bit to be able to get a better look at Harry, who followed his movement to get his mouth back on Louis’ throat where it had previously been.

 

“Want,“ Harry breathed, pressing an open-mouthed kiss to the spot where Louis’ throat met his collarbone. “Want you so much,“ he said in between small kisses. “Wanted you all week.“

 

“You have no idea,“ Louis murmured, his hands finding Harry’s jaw to hold his face in front of his own, looking into those green eyes he had grown a deep fascination with in the past week. “Have wanted to do this all week, too,“ he admitted quietly, kissing Harry’s forehead sweetly.

 

Carefully, Louis dipped his fingers past Harry’s shirt, touching the hot skin of his belly softly, barely grazing his fingertips across it. He searched Harry’s face thoroughly for any sign of repulsion and resistance, but found none.

 

“You can say no anytime, tell me to stop, I don’t want to take this too far. Just tell me no,“ Louis encouraged Harry with another kiss to his forehead, the only difference being that this time his hands were underneath Harry’s shirt, his fingertips drawing meaningless patterns into Harry’s skin.

 

“Want you, all of you,“ Harry replied immediately, shaking his head, his cheeks flushed and blotched as he added, “Off, take it off,“ tugging at the rim of his own shirt.

 

“You’re so pretty,“ Louis breathed, in equal shares talking to himself and to Harry, completely in awe as he pulled the shirt over Harry’s head, Harry holding his arms up in the air to help him get it off.

 

“Wanted to get my hands on your chest since I saw you shirtless at the pool,“ Louis said, after he had carelessly thrown Harry’s shirt on the bed somewhere behind where the two of them were sitting.

 

“Can I…?“ Harry asked shyly, toying with the rim of Louis’ shirt and Louis just nodded, raising his arms as Harry did the same for him as he had done for Harry before.

 

“Wanna kiss all those ridiculous tattoos of yours,“ Louis told Harry, running his fingers over them, thinking about the day where he had first seen the huge butterfly that decorated Harry’s tummy. Harry only managed to get out a needy whine in response, his throat tight with all the emotions and needs flinging themselves at him.

 

Harry’s own greedy hands found Louis’ back, smoothing over the tan skin with open flat palms, wanting to touch as much of his skin in as little time as possible. Meanwhile, Louis licked and kissed over every bit of inked skin he could find, memorizing every inch of the skin that was littered with tattoos in black ink.

 

“Lou, kiss _me,_ “ Harry whined when Louis had worked his way down to Harry’s butterfly tattoo, alternating between kissing its right and left wing every time.

 

“Sure, love,“ Louis agreed, the smile almost audible in his voice as he teasingly licked over Harry’s tattoo once more before returning back up to Harry’s face.

 

Joined by their lips, they sunk lower consistently, until Harry was lying with his back on the covers of his bed, Louis hovering above him with his hands on either side of Harry’s head, leaning down to keep kissing Harry.

 

“Had to,“ Harry panted when they had to catch their breath once again, Louis settling on Harry’s stomach straight away, and Harry didn’t complain at all, because it wasn’t only Louis who wanted to be as close as possible. “Had to, when I saw you shirtless at the pool for the first time, I had to take a cold shower,“ Harry admitted, a blush finding its way onto his face as he slid his hands over Louis’ face, feeling the slight stubble on his jaw. He absolutely loved how it felt under his fingertips, rough and reminding him that the person on top of him was a _man_. A man who had stubble on his jaw. It made Harry giddy anew, knowing that he had kissed a man. And it had felt good, so incredibly _good_.

 

“Why are you giggling and grinning like a maniac?“ Louis asked, kissing Harry’s grin adoringly.

 

“I just thought about how I kissed a _man,_ “ Harry whispered, emphasizing his words as if he were telling Louis a secret.

 

Louis let out a laugh, the sides of his eyes crinkling, which Harry watched with admiration and amazement. Louis thought about how he loved this idiot he was lying atop of way too much for it to still be considered healthy or a simple crush.

 

“It’s really pretty how the sides of your eyes crinkle up,“ Harry commented quietly, tracing a finger over the tiny wrinkles. “It makes your face properly glow when you laugh.“

 

“You’re glowing all the damn time,“ Louis returned the compliment, his eyes lighting up and the crinkles reappearing once again as he pressed a kiss to the middle of Harry’s chest, right between the two birds that were tattooed there.  

“Can you - do you want to,“ Harry started to say, but letting his voice fade, trailing off. “Please can you - I mean, if you’d like - you, erm, you could…“ Harry tried again, making Louis giggle and kiss the slight frown on his forehead.

 

Louis didn’t know for sure what Harry was hinting at, but he had a good guess. It wasn’t difficult to see how far gone Harry was for Louis, how greedy he was to get his hands and mouth all over Louis’ body, how much he in turn craved Louis’ touch. Louis could well imagine that Harry would want to go further - further than just kissing - considering how out of mind in his need for Louis he was. Louis even was _afraid_ that Harry might ask this, somehow. His own dick was already perking up with interest just from the heated kissing and touching all over, and Louis didn’t know if he could resist Harry’s huge green eyes pleading and his sweet pink lips asking him to take this between them further. He probably should resist, though. They just _couldn’t_. Harry was tired and probably not properly aware of his words anymore and Louis desperately wanted to avoid doing anything with him that Harry might regret later on.

 

“Can you… can you just stay tonight? Share the bed again?“ Harry finally mumbled into Louis’ hair, clutching at Louis’ back to hold him close and make him stay.

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,“ Louis replied, taken by surprise. This was not what he had expected Harry to say, but it was even better.

 

Louis let himself be pulled down next to Harry, wrapping his arms around Harry immediately, who snuggled closer.

 

“Do you mind if I take off my trousers?“ Louis asked quietly as he saw that Harry had already closed his eyes.

 

“Course I don’t,“ Harry giggled, sitting up once more to peel off his own trousers that were clinging to his legs with how tight they were.

 

“We also need to set an alarm so I can sneak back in time,“ Louis added with a sigh, trying to act responsibly, thinking about the last time where he had rather accidentally ended up in Harry’s bed. He didn’t need a repeat of last time. He could do without being woken up by a counsellor knocking on the door and shouting Harry’s name. “Wake up call is at eight, right? How about we set the alarm to six? To be sure that nobody is awake yet?“ Louis asked, setting his phone’s alarm to six o’clock.

 

Harry only nodded sleepily, impatiently making grabby hands at Louis to get back into bed next to him.

 

After sinking back into the pillows again and pulling the duvet up over them, Harry grabbed for Louis’ hands behind his back, pulling at them softly so Louis would wrap them around Harry’s waist like before.

 

“I’m the little spoon, no discussion,“ Harry slurred, his voice sleepy as he wiggled his bum to get closer to Louis.

 

“Sure you are, you are my big baby,“ Louis mumbled fondly, his voice a bit muffled since his face was pretty much buried in Harry’s curly luscious locks.

 

“It’s so good to have you, Lou,“ Harry mumbled, on the brink of falling asleep.

 

“Uh-huh,“ Louis hummed. “I love having you here with me too, so much, you don’t even know,“ he replied, running his fingers through Harry’s hair gently, pretty sure that Harry didn’t hear any of this anymore.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

The beeping from Louis’ phone jolted Harry and Louis awake roughly, scaring them both for a second before they realized what the noise was.

 

Louis groped for his phone on Harry’s nightstand, fumbling to press the button to end the annoying loud beeping. He then rolled back into his former position with his front to Harry’s back immediately. Harry hadn’t moved yet, only let out a few disgruntled noises as Louis had moved away to turn off the alarm.

 

Thinking that a few more minutes could do no harm, Louis snuggled back into Harry, getting comfortable again immediately. Harry pushed back into Louis’ touch, seeking his warmth, whining quietly, which didn’t help the fact that Louis’ cock was indeed already half-hard from his sleep. After going to bed sporting a semi, his situation hadn’t really improved much since then. It had rather worsened, if anything.

 

However, Louis stayed in the same position, even though he was pretty sure that Harry could feel his cock pressing into the cleft of his arse, begging for attention and friction with how it was nestled between Harry’s arse cheeks. Harry continued to push his arse back, rubbing it torturously slow against Louis’ cock that was hardening gradually. Involuntarily, Louis started moving with Harry’s slow rocking movements, he really couldn’t help it. He was sure that Harry was awake and aware of what it was that Louis was doing, hell, he wasn’t only letting Louis rub against him, he even encouraged it and took part.

 

For a few minutes, they both stayed like that, pushing, grinding and rocking, both pretending to still be asleep and not doing this willingly, although they both knew too well that they were fully awake, Louis breathing into Harry’s ear hotly, the heat between them mingling, Louis’ naked chest sticking to Harry’s back, sweat starting to bead on their skin, the air in the small room warm.

 

The spell was only broken when Harry couldn’t keep in a needy whine anymore after having suppressed it for a while now already, followed by a shocked little gasp. Louis’ cock was fully hard, straining against the fabric of his briefs and leaking at the tip, wetting the front of his underwear.

 

“Harry,“ Louis whispered hoarsely into Harry’s curls, running one shaky hand over Harry’s bare chest that felt hot to the touch.

 

“Want you, want so much,“ Harry panted, turning around so that he was facing Louis, lying close enough so that both of their bulges were rubbing together, drawing Louis’ attention to Harry’s.

 

Louis kissed Harry sweetly, both not caring at all that their breath wasn’t fresh and their mouths tasted like sleep and early mornings. Their faces were so close to the other’s that Louis could feel Harry harshly huffing out air and Harry could feel Louis teasingly blowing air on his overheated skin.

 

“Is this okay?“ Louis whispered, his voice still rough from waking up only minutes ago.

 

He had let his hand slide down where his erection was rubbing against Harry’s. Only the tips teasingly touched the other’s, providing maddeningly little friction. Louis’ fingertips were hardly more than ghosting over Harry’s length, grazing the damp spot where the leaking head of Harry’s cock was, the pre-come leaving a dark stain. Harry’s breath hitched as Louis touched the sensitive spot, teasing the tip of his still clothed cock.

 

“Yeah, _yeah,_ “ Harry breathed, desperation clear in his voice. “It’s good,“ he said, his cheeks flushing as he buried his face in the crook of Louis’ neck.

 

“Do you want me to go on?“ Louis questioned, shuddering slightly when he felt Harry’s hot breath on his neck where a bit of sweat had gathered.

 

“Yes, yes _please,_ “ Harry urged Louis, a whine stuck in his throat as he shuffled and fidgeted to get even closer to Louis, clinging to Louis’ back with one hand.

 

Louis freed both their cocks from their confines with quick hands, simply pushing their briefs down just far enough, not bothering to shuck them off completely, just pulling Harry’s cock out first, and his own afterwards.

 

Louis had seen Harry’s dick before, the one time when Harry had surprisingly started getting undressed right in front of Louis after they had somehow ended up sharing a bed, but it had been nothing more than a quick glance.

 

Now Louis couldn’t wait to wrap his hand around both cocks, not only because he was desperate to relieve his own pressure, but even more because Harry’s cock was so goddamn _pretty_. Just the right size in length as well as girth, actually barely average, but flushed a delicious shade of pink and curved upwards prettily and begging to be touched, pre-come already sliding down the shaft, the tip glistening with the wetness.

 

“So pretty, Harry, so very pretty,“ Louis told Harry what he thought, as he finally wrapped his small fist around both erections, just enjoying touching the hot skin for a moment before he for the first time dragged his hand upwards very slowly, causing Harry to gasp softly and bury his face in Louis’ neck even more.

 

Louis kept up the deliciously slow strokes of his hand, drawing out the slow-burning pleasure, the whole thing made much hotter than a simple hand job by rubbing their cocks together consistently.

 

“Shh, you’re doing so good,“ Louis praised Harry, who had started actually properly _whining_ into Louis’ neck, Harry’s eyelashes brushing over Louis’ tan skin with every time Harry blinked.

 

After finishing each painfully slow stroke upwards, Louis twisted his wrist to rub his palm over the leaking cocks’ heads, gathering the wetness that was beading there. He used it to slick up their dicks, making the drag of his hand over their cocks wetter.

 

Harry let out a broken sob or a quiet moan every time Louis’ fingers got near his cock’s tip where it was most sensitive. Louis made sure to pay extra attention to the places that had Harry letting those lovely noises slip out, so he pushed his palm down harder on Harry’s head than his own, sometimes even dancing a single finger over the slit, which drew the prettiest noises out of Harry.

 

“More, Lou, please, more,“ Harry mumbled, his tongue obviously heavy, struggling to get any coherent sentences out of his mouth.

 

“Do you want me to go faster, love?“ Louis asked, his own breath coming out as pants, which made it useless to pretend that he wasn’t affected by his hand stroking their two cocks and even more by the needy sounds constantly falling from Harry’s lips.

 

“Please,“ Harry said, trying to put some kind of force into his voice but found himself utterly unable to. His plea came out as a desperate sob.

 

“I’ve got you, love, shh,“ Louis soothed him, speeding up his hand’s movements, having to keep his own moan quiet for the sake of not waking anyone up and sending them banging at Harry’s door.

 

Without warning, Harry raised his face from the crook of Louis’ neck, attacking Louis’ lips with an unexpected kiss, sending the rhythm Louis had built up for his strokes into chaos by distracting Louis with a deep kiss. Louis squeezed their dicks in his hand, both moaning into the other’s mouth raggedly before their tongues met for the first time, exploring the other’s mouth and swiping over already shiny lips.

 

“You’re so good, Harry,“ Louis murmured as soon as they had ended the kiss, rubbing shaky, uneven circles into the pink tip of Harry’s cock with his thumb, as if this was Harry’s reward. Louis picked up another drop of pre-come, before he went back to sliding his hand up and down, a tight grip on their cocks, their pre-come mixing and mingling with the other’s.

 

Harry let out a few tiny whimpers when Louis stopped the teasing circles on his tip that had been too much and too little at the same time, making Harry feel light-headed and desperate for more. Louis couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He had a pretty, naked man right next to him and his own hand on this man’s cock and got to hear those lovely whimpers that were making him utterly weak. He didn’t even know whimpers during sex where a real thing, he thought they only existed in porn.

 

This man, Louis was sure, was way better than all the porn could ever be.

 

“Louis - I - I can’t anymore,“ Harry sobbed, pressing his lips to Louis’ in a desperate kiss that was more a hot mingling of tongues than anything else. “I can’t.“

 

“Are you going to come, love?“ Louis asked, swiping over Harry’s tip once more, while he kept his eyes on Harry, whose cheeks were blotched with red, his pupils widened and his lips pink and shiny. He caught Harry nodding desperately with how close he was to coming, biting his lip.

 

“Go on, love, let go,“ Louis encouraged Harry, sending him hurtling towards his orgasm rapidly with a few more fast strokes.

 

Harry closed his eyes when he came, moaning throatily and shaking, spurting thick white come all over Louis’ fist that kept moving up and down, drawing Harry’s orgasm out longer.

 

Louis followed only seconds after Harry had finished shuddering through the aftershocks of his orgasm, bucking his hips up involuntarily. When Harry got too sensitive, Louis let go of his cock, only jerking his own with fast, almost harsh movements, and came within seconds, groaning louder than he should as he shot his come into his own fist, where it mixed with Harry’s. Some also landed on Harry’s chest and on the sheets between them.

 

“You did so good, love,“ Louis praised Harry, who was lying next to Louis bonelessly, holding out his hands for Louis to snuggle closer again.

 

Louis hugged Harry to himself again, not caring about the sticky come on his fist, the sheets and Harry’s tummy. He reasoned with himself for a moment, thinking that he should actually leave. His plan to leave at six o’clock had obviously not worked, so it was about time for him to sneak out of Harry’s room quickly, but he just couldn’t find it in him to leave Harry so soon after making him come. Harry looked utterly endearing, his arms extended, reaching for Louis, his hair a mess, his lips red and bitten and already closing his eyes again drowsily, completely pliant. Louis would say he looked like an angel to him, but well, only if he didn’t have come splattered on the skin of his stomach.

 

“Just five more minutes, okay?“ Louis said, gently smoothing over Harry’s unruly, messy hair.

 

Harry hummed his agreement, his head on Louis’ chest, determined to not let Louis leave, although this was absolutely unreasonable and simply _unfeasible_ , but Harry was far too blissed out and momentarily thrown too far off track to think logically.

 

 + + +

 

 

Luckily, Louis was able to sneak back into the boys’ room quietly and without problems, although it had already been risky, since the five minutes he had agreed to had quickly developed into much more.

 

Louis laid back down in his bed but was unable to fall asleep again. The sun was already shining into the room rather brightly, not kept out much by the thin curtains. However, this was not the main problem why Louis found himself unable to make use of the half hour left until wake up call.

 

His thoughts were crowded and haunted by images of Harry, who he had had to leave while he was still sleeping, his head resting on Louis’ chest and his curls tickling Louis’ face. He made a displeased sound as Louis got out of the bed.

 

Harry looked so peaceful and even more adorable than normal when he slept, and Louis still saw him in front of him, even as he was lying alone in his own bed, the boys in the bunk beds around him making soft noises in their sleep and turning around so that the sheets rustled.

 

Louis didn’t know what to feel. He missed Harry’s soft, sleeping figure next to him with his head on Louis’ chest. He wanted to kiss Harry’s forehead and hair and cheek and wherever else he could reach, but he also felt a certain unease that was brought about by not knowing what Harry’s stance on the last series of events between them was.

 

He wanted everything but for Harry to panic and feel flooded with guilt and shame after having had another man touch him.

 

Tossing and turning, Louis fought to keep doubts from creeping up inside him, until it was finally time to get up.

 

For the first time in the whole week, it was not Harry who came to wake them up, but Isaac the counsellor, who woke them up by charging into the room loudly, the complete opposite of Harry’s soft singing while he drew back the curtains and opened the window. 

 

 

 + + +

 

 

“So I’ve got the bus scheduled to arrive at 11:30 and packed lunch will be ready for the kids to take with them,“ Harry said to the other counsellors over breakfast, while he spread butter on his bread, not looking up, but still all of the counsellors’ eyes were on him and everyone listened.

 

Louis noticed with relief washing over him that their early morning sexual activity had left close to no visible trace on Harry, neither on his body nor in his personality or mood. Only Louis knew what to look for, so he saw the tiny marks: Slightly bitten lips, their red brighter than normal, his curls just a little bit messier than usual, a slight pink that wouldn’t go away layering his cheeks.

 

It filled Louis with a certain kind of pride, seeing Harry wear the marks their shared sexual experience had left on him, while none of the others knew they were there. However, mixed into this pride was also a strong desire. It told Louis to kiss all the places where he had put his tiny marks and to renew them, make them better visible than before.

 

“I estimate the teens’ arrival to be around 5:30, so I’ll have more than enough time to clean the bathrooms and change the sheets, while you accompany the kids and return in the evening. I’ll also make sure dinner is prepared by then, half an hour to settle in and dinner together at 7 o’clock, alright?“ Harry added, the counsellors nodding and murmuring their agreement.

 

“Do you need any help with cleaning?“ Rachel asked. “It’s not absolutely necessary for all of us to accompany the kids and pick up the teens if you need help.“

 

“Uh, I can stay!“ Louis interjected, not thinking this through.

 

Rachel shot Louis a quizzical, suspicious look, clearly not one hundred percent happy with leaving him alone with Harry.

 

“I always get terribly sick on bus rides,“ Louis used the first excuse that came to his mind.

 

“Well then,“ Harry said, shrugging his shoulders, going along with Louis’ lie. “I can use some help here and we really don’t need even more people throwing up in the bus apart from Rebecca, Jonah and Veronica.“

 

“I guess you’re right; we’ll have enough work with just them,“ Rachel agreed reluctantly, making it clear that this was not the solution she had wanted.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Louiee, will you come visit us?“

“Do you promise to be at summer camp again next year?“

“You’re going to be there again next year, right?“

“You won’t forget us, Louis, will you?“

 

The children had so many questions for Louis and promises they wanted him to make when he helped them drag their bags and suitcases outside where the bus was waiting.

 

“I can’t promise you anything yet,“ Louis tried to explain. “One year is a long time, don’t you think?“

 

“But why can’t you promise, Louis?“ Esther whined, pulling at Louis’ sleeve. “Why don’t you know yet? We’ll go next year, too!“

 

“I’ll see, love,“ Louis assured her, smiling sadly. He really had grown way too attached to those kids in such little time.

 

 

 + + +

 

 

“It’s not easy letting them go, is it?“ Harry sighed as they watched the bus pull away, waving at the kids that were pressing their faces against the glass, waving back.

 

Harry blew them a few kisses. “It’s hard even for me, and I get to see them at Youth Club Meetings after summer and all the camps are over, so it has to be worse for you, although you’ve only known them for a week and I’ve known them since they were toddlers.“

 

“Since they were _toddlers_?“ Louis asked in disbelief. They were still standing at the same spot, although the bus was only visible in the distance anymore.

 

“Yeah,“ Harry said, shrugging his shoulders. “Sure. Kids are brought to church service as soon as they’re three years old, often sooner. That’s just - it’s common in my church community to bring the kids as early as possible. Kids get those little booklets to keep them occupied, you know? They have pictures in them and tell stories out of the Bible. I remember the one about the good Samaritan best, but of course there were more,“ Harry explained.

 

“You really have been going to church since you were two or three?“ Louis asked, unable to believe Harry’s words. Harry must’ve gone to church more often as a toddler than Louis had in all his life combined.

 

“Yeah,“ Harry confirmed with a shrug. “I know it must seem weird to you, but it was perfectly normal to me. As normal as joining the local football club might be for other people, you understand?”

 

“I do understand. It’s not like I’m judging you for your faith. I _am_ judging your faith, but not you for holding on to it when it helps you, when it’s important to you. You’re not doing anything wrong by believing in God.”

 

“Thanks,” Harry said quietly.

 

“Alright. Let’s get to work then?“ Louis suggested after a moment of silence, making a gesture in the general direction of the Camp House.

 

“Oh yeah, yeah, work,“ Harry agreed after a moment, clearly having been lost in his thoughts.

 

They walked through the yard towards the house in quiet.

 

“Okay, so actually it’s like not a lot of work at all,“ Harry admitted as he pushed the heavy door to the Camp House open to let Louis walk through first. “That’s why the others were so suspicious of you wanting to stay. You actually don’t get sick from bus rides, do you?“ Harry asked, looking right through Louis’ lie.

 

“No. I just wanted to stay and obviously needed a good reason to be allowed to,“ Louis answered light-heartedly and Harry couldn’t help but smile a little at him.

 

“Good. Actually it’s great to have some help, that leaves more time before the teens arrive to do some nicer and more pleasurable things than cleaning showers,“ Harry laughed, but quickly stopped to flush bright red as soon as he saw Louis’ smirk and the mischievous little glint in his eyes.

 

“I - I didn’t mean it like that,“ Harry was quick to assure, his cheeks keeping their bright color.

 

“I thought so,“ Louis chuckled. “It’s just me who has a dirty mind.“

 

Opening the bathroom’s door in front of them, Harry murmured something under his breath that Louis didn’t quite catch, but he was pretty sure that it was something along the lines of “You’ll be the death of me,“ which only caused Louis to smirk even more.

 

“Okay, look, you little monster,“ Harry started to explain with a small smile. “Watch and learn.“

 

Louis chuckled again, not able to help himself and _not_ find anything at least remotely sexual in Harry’s words.

 

“Shut it, you really are a monster,“ Harry scolded half-heartedly, his words clearly missing any force behind them.

 

When they had reached the first bathroom, Harry opened a cupboard in the room with the many sinks and the little shelfs with the name-tags on each. “Hold this, will you?“ Harry asked, not waiting for an answer before he began piling cleaning aids in Louis’ hands. Sponges, cloths, cleaning agent and a bucket.

 

“So look,“ Harry said, gesturing for Louis to follow him. “First you rinse the shower walls and the tub,“ Harry explained, taking the shower-head off from its spot on the wall and using it to rinse the tub thoroughly, in the process splashing some water onto himself as well. “If you are very talented, you also manage to not get yourself wet while cleaning; I never can. I wash my clothes here in the Camp House during the summer, but I always make sure to have some spare clothes ready for cleaning days. Most times I even get my underwear wet.“

 

Louis raised his eyebrows at Harry amusedly, smirking shamelessly, watching with fascination as Harry turned red within seemingly less than a second.

 

“ _Louis,_ “ Harry groaned, hiding his face in his hands and getting his face wet. “Is there anything you _can’t_ make any sexual innuendo out of?“ Harry asked, clearly not keen on hearing the answer. “I’m just trying to get some work done.“

 

“Okay, sorry, I’ll keep my mouth shut from now on,“ Louis said, raising his hands to show that he was willing to give in.

 

“So you have to clean from bottom to top with a wet cloth and some cleaning agent, because liquids run downwards and if you start at the bottom, you’ll get everything messy,“ Harry explained, showing Louis how he had to swipe and rub the cloth across the tiles.

 

“Alright, I see,“ Louis agreed, nodding like a diligent student best as he could, while he was seriously distracted by Harry bending down to clean the bottom tiles, his arse pushed high in the air right in front of Louis.

 

“And last is the tub, working from top to bottom again,“ Harry concluded. “Easy, right?“ Harry asked.

 

“Uh-huh,“ Louis replied, still a bit distracted by Harry all crouched down. His shirt had ridden up a bit due to his movements, showing a strip of pale skin of Harry’s lower back. Furthermore, Harry was in tight trousers again (Who wears tight trousers _cleaning_? Louis wondered) which were outlining his bum very nicely.

 

When Harry stood up and turned around again to hand Louis the cloth, Louis had to tear his eyes away from Harry’s backside and bum almost violently. His attraction to this adorable and pretty counsellor was seriously getting out of control, Louis had to admit to himself with a sigh.

 

“How many showers are there to clean?“ Louis asked, taking the shower head of another shower off the wall to rinse the tub like Harry had shown him. His voice was loud in the tiled room and despite the water running, it still carried to Harry, who was working on another shower on the other side of the room.

 

“It’s better if you don’t count I’d say,“ Harry called back. “I mean, it’s not that bad, there aren’t that many, usually I manage alone,“ Harry added with a shrug.

 

They worked mostly in silence, apart from the occasional “someone’s left their socks“-sigh from one of them, who held up some socks he’d found or any other item of clothing as well as forgotten shampoo bottles.

 

“So now,“ Harry said as soon as the last shower was cleaned, clapping his hands. “Let’s move on to the sheets! We don’t need to pull the new ones up, we only need to collect the old ones that the kids put in piles and get them to the washing room. I can also deposit my trousers there already, I believe,“ Harry added, gesturing at his wet jeans that clung even more firmly to his legs with how wet they were.

 

Louis didn’t even say anything, only raised one eyebrow, trying hard to contain what was on the tip of his tongue. He didn’t want to make Harry uncomfortable, but Harry in his wet tight black jeans that were clinging to his thighs just triggered some dirty thoughts in Louis once again.

 

Obviously, Harry could well guess what it was that Louis was thinking without needing him to say it out loud. His cheeks went bright red within seconds and he cast his glance down.

 

“ _Louis,_ “ he groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

 

“Sorry, sorry,“ Louis said. “Take the piles to the washing room you said, right?“

 

Harry nodded, his face still in his hands. He just couldn’t look up. Not mainly out of embarrassment or discomfort, rather because it wasn’t only Louis who was troubled by Harry’s appearance. The feeling as well as the desperation were mutual. Louis’ jeans were no less wet than Harry’s and his hair seemed damp after Louis had run his wet hand through his fringe a few times to keep it out of his eyes while working.

 

With sheets and pillowcases piled in their arms, both made their way to the washing room a few times, holding so many sheets that they could barely see where they were going, so they stumbled along, bumping into each other and stumbling over their own feet. Harry walked ahead of Louis, who was hidden behind an even bigger pile of sheets than Harry, since Harry still had to have the possibility to open doors with one hand. When Harry stopped once more to open a door for them to walk through, Louis of course didn’t notice nor see, and walked right into Harry and dropped his pile of sheets in shock.

 

Harry let out a squeak that was half shock and half surprise as he felt Louis’ body pressed taut against his backside. The touch lasted for hardly more than a few seconds before Louis pulled himself together again and stepped back, mumbling incoherent apologies. Harry didn’t say anything, but it was clear that the sexual tension between them had thickened once again, it was literally clouding the air.

 

When Louis had bumped into Harry, Harry had been able to feel the outline of Louis’ hard dick insistently pressing against the cleft of his arse cheeks. Louis knew that Harry had to have felt that, there was no way he hadn’t.

 

Louis coughed uncomfortably, mumbling senseless words. He just kept standing there, frozen to the spot since Harry hadn’t yet moved either.

 

It was insane what Harry did to him, Louis realized once again. Just the sight of Harry in those sinfully tight and thoroughly wet trousers, his pink plush lips and most of his chest, including his chest tattoos and the small silver cross on display had Louis harder than it should be possible for him to be just from looking alone. It was crazy how Louis craved Harry’s whole _being_.

 

“I - I’m sorry, Harry,“ Louis finally managed to force out the words that he wanted to say.

 

“Do that again,“ Harry whispered back, not accepting nor refusing Louis’ apology, wanting to feel this again, wanting _more_.

 

Louis couldn’t believe this man, he just couldn’t. It took Louis a few seconds more than necessary to process correctly what Harry had said that he wanted.

 

Louis moved his hips forward again until they were right up to Harry’s arse, rubbing against his bum tentatively but with sufficient pressure for his own dick. Harry only took a moment to shove his hips back as well, intensifying the pressure that caused Louis’ cock to only harden further.

 

Innocently trying what rubbing his arse up and down would feel like, Harry pushed back a bit harder, moving his arse slowly to rub all over Louis’ crotch.

 

“Oh Go- Gosh,“ Louis groaned, catching himself just in time before he could upset Harry with a blaspheme.

 

“Does that feel good?“ Harry asked, trying to keep his voice even and pretend he wasn’t affected himself.

 

“You don’t even know,“ Louis just groaned, putting his forehead on Harry’s shoulder, while Harry kept rolling his hips to put that sweet pressure on Louis’ clothed erection.

 

For a few moments, the only noise that could be heard was Louis huffing out quiet breaths and the occasional suppressed whine from Harry. Louis was afraid that he might cause Harry to stop if he said anything, that he might pull Harry out of his daze.

 

“ _Louis,_ “ Harry whined in a whisper after some time, stilling his movements.

 

“Hm? What is it?“ Louis asked worriedly, turning around so he could see Harry’s face and not just the back of his head. He gently took Harry’s hand in his.

 

“I - I just, I can’t - I,“ Harry stammered, not getting anything coherent out.

 

“Do you want to stop, love? You can stop anytime, you don’t have to do anything,“ Louis reassured him, taking one of Harry’s hands in his in an attempt to make Harry understand that he truly meant his words.

 

“No, no, I want to go on, it’s just, I’m just,“ Harry struggled to explain, giving in with a sigh.

 

“Don’t be scared or embarrassed, love,“ Louis encouraged Harry. “Or maybe you can show instead of tell me?“

 

Harry looked at Louis for a while, obviously weighing his options, until he finally took Louis’ hand in his, leading his fingertips to Harry’s crotch.

 

“You feel it?“ Harry whispered, guiding Louis’ fingertips to stroke over the very noticeable bulge in the front of Harry’s trousers. “I’m _hard,_ “ Harry confessed, his voice even quieter so that it felt as if he was telling Louis’ his darkest secret, not daring to raise his voice above a whisper.

 

“You are,“ Louis agreed, stroking his fingertips softly up and down again, feeling Harry tense up. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable, we don’t-“ Louis hurried to say when he noticed Harry tensing up, shifting from one foot to the other. Louis quickly took his hand away, pulling it back towards himself.

 

“No, don’t, no,“ Harry whispered, biting his lip hesitantly. “It - it feels good and I - I, so actually, I - like - I want it,“ Harry said, his own hand going to cup his crotch involuntarily, not even thinking about it.

 

“What do you want, love?“ Louis asked to make sure. He didn’t want to force Harry into anything, not even one single touch that was unwanted.

 

“I - I’d like - I mean - _you,_ “ Harry stammered, his cheeks flaming red once again, which already seemed to have become a constant condition for him. “ _You,_ “ Harry whispered again, begging Louis with his eyes to do something, to touch him again.

 

“What do you want me to do?“ Louis asked, putting his hands on Harry’s shoulders, his fingers stroking over the skin of Harry’s neck gently, which made Harry shudder slightly, goosebumps arising on his skin just from the tiny touch to his hot skin.

 

“Whatever you want,“ Harry breathed, looking away and lowering his head in embarrassment.

 

“Oh no, no, love, come on, talk to me,“ Louis encouraged Harry, who slowly raised his head again to look at Louis. “You have to tell me, okay? _Whatever I want_ is not an option, okay? It’s totally fine for me if I just get you off with a hand job.“

 

When Harry didn’t say anything for a few seconds, Louis spoke again hastily, falling over his own words, “Oh Gosh, oh no, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Harry. I thought you meant something sexual, sorry, we don’t have to do _anything_ , okay, oh _Gosh_ , I messed that up, forgive me.“

 

This time it was Harry who shook his head slowly. “I meant it that way,“ Harry confirmed. “I really did.“

 

Harry gulped hard noticeably, before he found the courage to go on. “And more than a hand job. More.“

 

“Should we take this to your room?“ Louis asked, smiling and cupping Harry’s cheeks with his dainty hands, pushing at a sheet on the floor with his foot. All around them were the discarded sheets they had dropped, and they were standing half on top of them and half surrounded by them, not caring in the least.

 

“Yes, please,“ Harry said, his words immediately turning breathy and more desperate when Louis pressed his crotch against Harry’s own surprisingly, rubbing both their hard cocks together for a few quickly passing seconds.

 

“Come on then, love,“ Louis said, leading Harry away with a hand on Harry’s hip possessively, the sheets staying scattered on the floor.

 

As soon as they were in Harry’s room and the door closed, which made Harry feel much safer and properly hidden away, Harry attacked Louis’ lips with kisses, giggling into Louis mouth just like the first time when they had kissed. Harry kissed without any real finesse, but Louis enjoyed the simple feeling of Harry’s plump lips pushing against his own thinner ones a lot. Harry let Louis lick all across his bottom lip, whining pitifully for more already.

 

“Off, Louis, off please,“ Harry murmured, unbuttoning his own shirt with shaky, hasty movements until he was only in his tight and still wet trousers and the delicate silver cross decorating his pretty tattooed chest that Louis desperately wanted to get his mouth on.

 

While Louis helped Harry to peel his jeans off, he couldn’t help but press one or the other kiss to Harry’s chest, all over the tattoos littering his skin. “How far do you want to go, love?“ Louis asked in between kisses.

 

“I want it like - I don’t-“ Harry struggled with his words once more. “I don’t want it _in_.“

 

Louis looked at Harry for a few seconds before he spoke.

 

“Listen, Harry, sex is more than just penetration, way more, we don’t need that at all if you don’t want it. There are so many other possibilities, it doesn’t have to be my cock in you, far from it. I’d also bottom for you, though, if you’d rather have that, love. I’m not usually a bottom, but I’d do it for you,“ Louis reassured Harry, kissing his cheek comfortingly.

 

“No, I don’t think that I want that,“ Harry said shyly, but firmly nonetheless, before he started fumbling with Louis’ trousers’ buttons.

 

“I told you that sex doesn’t need penetration,“ Louis reminded Harry, sliding his hands over Harry’s chest, rubbing over Harry’s nipples more than necessary.

 

“Louis,“ Harry groaned, getting distracted from pulling Louis’ trousers down by what Louis was doing to his nipples. Just the slow circles Louis was drawing around Harry’s nipples were enough to get him completely hot again.

 

“What is it, love? Don’t you want to get me out of those trousers?“ Louis teased and laughed when Harry rolled his eyes. However, he was clearly affected by what Louis was doing to his nipples. Louis decided to store that piece of information for later, right now he was busy flinging himself at the other man to kiss along his jaw, all down from his ear to his mouth, pressing firm kisses everywhere. His hands were resting on Harry’s back, bringing them closer together, while Harry mewled and slid his hands greedily all over Louis’ body, searching for purchase.

 

“You can’t leave any marks,“ Harry panted quietly into Louis’ ear, who was currently lightly nipping at the soft part of skin where Harry’s jaw met his throat, below his ear. “They’ll know what we were doing.“

 

“No marks,“ Louis repeated and nodded, as if he wanted to remind himself of it. As much as he wanted to suck a lovebite into Harry’s throat and nip at the soft skin where Harry’s collarbone was, he couldn’t. _They_ couldn’t. It was just too risky. He craved to mark Harry as his, he craved to drag his blunt nails up Harry’s back hard enough to leave marks just as much as he craved to be cuddled up tightly with the other man. Louis had never felt anything more confusing.

 

“Lou, kiss me again,“ Harry whined, after they had both gotten rid of trousers and underwear. He stepped a little closer to Louis and with this closed any distance left between them so that their erections rubbed against each other, which made Harry’s breath hitch while he was still talking.

 

“Anytime, love,“ Louis said, licking over Harry’s lips teasingly before he pressed his mouth to Harry’s completely. He knew that what he had just said wasn’t true. Anytime. Only without people around. They couldn’t just _anytime_.

 

When Harry chased the feeling by subconsciously rutting his hips up against Louis’, it got them both moaning with their mouths still attached to the other’s, both sighing and gasping at the sudden pleasure coursing through them when their cocks rubbed together for an instant, pre-come from Louis’ head smearing over Harry’s length.

 

“ _Louis_ , please,“ Harry mumbled, pushing his body into Louis’ smaller one, looking for guidance from the younger man.

 

“It’s all good, love,“ Louis said, brushing over Harry’s messy long hair. “Are you good? Do you want to move on?“

 

Harry nodded frantically, not getting proper words out, so he chose to shove his hips forward again, making his erection press into Louis’ hip, urging him to take action.

 

“Is that a yes, love?“ Louis made sure, wrapping a hand around Harry’s dick that was nudging at his thigh.

 

“Yes, yes please, Lou, please,“ Harry breathed, his hands roaming Louis’ body before he let his fingertips linger to draw patterns in Louis’ _It is what it is_ tattoo.

 

“Okay, love,“ Louis soothed Harry, who was getting more aroused by the minute. His cheeks never lost their red color and his pupils widened drastically, his lips shiny and slightly opened. “Do you have any lotion at hand, love? Maybe just some hand lotion or something?“

 

“Yeah, hand lotion, yeah,“ Harry replied confusedly, blinking at Louis a bit baffled. “It’s right on my nightstand. It’s just a very simple one though, unscented too. What do you want it for?“ Harry questioned, grabbing the lotion tube and putting it in Louis’ hand.

 

“Come here, I’ll show you,“ Louis said softly, taking Harry’s hand. Louis himself laid down on Harry’s bed, leaning his back against the headboard. “Can you sit on my hips? Just straddle them? Is that alright, love?“

 

Harry nodded, chewing on his lip as he crawled onto the bed, his bum hovering over Louis’ hips for a bit before he sat down gently, careful not to put too much pressure on Louis.

 

“You’re not going to break me, love, you can put your full weight on me,“ Louis assured Harry, his soft fingertips brushing over Harry’s hips in circles. “When you don’t want to do something or stop, you just say no, okay, baby?“ Louis made sure, looking up into Harry’s eyes, making it clear that this was genuine.

 

“Yes,“ Harry agreed, internally keening at the pet name. Baby. Louis had called him _baby_. Harry decided that he liked it a lot.

 

“Please, Louis, do something now,“ Harry whispered, looking down at his painfully hard cock. He had never been hard that long and it made him dizzy. He had always killed his erection with a cold shower as soon as possible or given himself a rushed hand job filled with shame and guilt.

 

“I’m going to take care of you, don’t worry,“ Louis calmed Harry down, smoothing down the soft curve of Harry’s sides. “Look, I’m going to put my dick between your arse cheeks and I just want you to rub up and down a bit, not going in. Do you think you could do that?“

 

Harry nodded hesitantly, not quite sure what Louis wanted to reach with this.

 

“But what’s the lotion for?“ Harry wanted to know, watching as Louis opened the tube’s lid to squeeze some lotion out onto his fingers.

 

“It’ll feel better for both of us if we use it, love. I’m gonna rub a bit between your cheeks to make the slide better, yeah? We can also use real lube if you’d rather have that,“ Louis explained.

 

“No, I’d rather - no I’d rather not,“ Harry decided, nervously sliding his palms over Louis’ chest. “I’d rather just use the lotion.“

 

“Okay, love, that’s fine,“ Louis told Harry. He had thought that Harry might react like this, since the idea of using lube somehow made it so much more serious, so much more _real_.

 

“It might still be a bit cold,“ Louis made sure to let Harry know after he had tried to warm the lotion up a bit with his fingers. He slipped his hands behind Harry’s arse, rubbing his palms over Harry’s arse cheeks a few times because he couldn’t resist it. Quickly getting impatient and needy, Harry rubbed his arse back and forth where he was sitting on Louis’ hips, pushing his arse into Louis’ small hands further.

 

“Oh Go- Gosh,“ Louis gasped when Harry rubbed his arse against Louis’ cock, giving him just a tiny bit of friction that wasn’t barely enough. Deciding that he couldn’t wait even a second longer, Louis pulled Harry’s arse cheeks apart slightly, searching Harry’s face carefully for any sign of discomfort. All he managed to detect was a bit of confusion on Harry’s side, since he wasn’t quite sure what this was going to feel like. Louis grabbed his own cock with shaky fingers, curling them around his length and having to resist the urge to just slide his own hand up and down his cock to relieve a bit of the pressure. However, he didn’t, because he knew that what was to follow would be so much better than what he could do to himself using just his hand.

 

Holding Harry’s cheeks apart, Louis nestled his cock between them tightly, letting them close around his hard dick and encircling it with lovely heat. Louis kept his hands at Harry’s arse cheeks, putting a bit of pressure on them to keep them closed tightly around his cock. He had to shut his eyes for a second because it felt so overwhelmingly good already, even though Harry wasn’t even moving yet.

 

“Okay, love, can you move up and down a bit now? Just kinda bounce a bit or try rubbing back and forth?“ Louis asked, receiving a nod from Harry who lifted up from Louis’ hips hesitantly, only moving up a few inches. He shot Louis’ a curious look before he sat down again, rubbing fully against Louis’ cock and just then feeling the delicious drag between his arse cheeks for the first time.

 

Louis knew that Harry had realized what it was that he was doing when he heard Harry gasp, leaning his head back and squeezing his arse cheeks shut harder, straining his muscles to put more pressure on his hole where it felt best. In turn, he forced a low moan out of Louis, who noticed the tighter grip immediately.

 

Louis kept one hand on Harry’s arse, covering the cleft of his arse to keep his cock from slipping out from where it was nestled between Harry’s arse cheeks. His other hand went to steady Harry’s hip to reassure him with his touch.

 

“Feels good, Lou,“ Harry slurred, his eyes closed with pleasure and his mouth falling open when he started to control the rhythm, speeding it up considerably, alternating between rubbing, pushing and bouncing to find what felt best for both of them.

 

“ _Ah_ , you’re doing so good, baby, so perfect,“ Louis praised him, a quiet moan escaping his throat when Harry squeezed his cheeks especially hard right on Louis’ cock’s tip.

 

Spurred on by the praise and how good it felt for himself, Harry managed to build up a fast-paced but steady rhythm of up-down-up-down-up, pushing and rubbing, loving the stimulating slide of Louis’ dick between his arse cheeks. It still felt a tiny bit rough despite the lotion. Additionally, Louis’ pre-come spreading around and their sweat mingling made the drag a little wetter.

 

“Look so good, love, so perfect like that,“ Louis moaned, not able to tear his eyes away from Harry who had his own eyes closed, humming contently at the praise.

 

And Harry really _was_ a sight, bouncing and rubbing up and down with Louis’ cock nestled tightly between his cheeks, focusing on his movements as well as his own pleasure. Sometimes Louis’ cock’s tip would catch on Harry’s rim and make his breath hitch for a second. Louis’ dick never went in and breached Harry’s rim, but it felt so good to Harry when it rubbed over his hole firmly, like a promise of something more to come. For now, however, what they were doing was more than satisfying for both of them.

 

Harry, Louis was sure, the way he looked right in front of him now, was the word _sinful_ personified. His eyes closed, Harry’s curls bounced with the movements when he lifted himself up with his strong thighs and dropped back down shortly after. On his neck sweat from the exertion was visibly starting to bead and his lovely plump, honestly obscene lips were parted slightly so the little huffs, sighs and moans that escaped Harry’s throat could find their way out easily. Harry’s cock was sticking out, pink, hard and leaking so much pre-come that some of it dropped down onto Louis tummy in little droplets. The worst thing about his whole appearance, the most sinful aspect of it, however, was the delicate silver cross around his neck, which Harry hadn’t taken off, flapping against Harry’s moist tattooed chest with every single one of his bounces. Louis just couldn’t keep his eyes away from it and how good it looked on the apart from it completely naked man.

 

“You’re the best, love, so good for me,“ Louis panted, way further gone for Harry than he’d like to admit.

 

Louis slowly moved his hand away from where it had been resting on Harry’s hip, sliding it over the skin all the way down to Harry’s cock, moving slowly so as not to startle Harry with a sudden touch to his hard dick. When he wrapped his hand firmly around Harry’s girth, Harry let out a little “uh“ in response to the sudden additional pleasure, indecisive whether he wanted to buck his hips up into Louis’ fist or back into Louis’ cock sitting snugly between his cheeks.

 

When Louis’ slowly dragged his fist upwards on Harry’s so prettily curved and hard cock, the rhythm Harry had built up in his bounces faltered. His movements got erratic for a moment while he got used to the new sensation that was shooting pleasure all through his body.

 

“Feel good, baby?“ Louis asked, trying to make their rhythms fit together. Louis adapted how fast he was jerking Harry’s cock to the pace of Harry’s bounces.

 

“So good,“ Harry mumbled, obviously blissed out by being stimulated from two sides, sending his nerve endings on fire and his mind into a state where it was unable to process all the pleasure it was flooded with. Harry’s words ended in a moan when Louis thumbed over his cock’s sensitive head, gathering the pre-come to ease the slide of his tightly curled fist.

 

“So good, so good, so good,“ Harry chanted as he got noticeably closer to his orgasm, rocking his hips up and down even harder than before, the cross around his neck swinging equally harder as well. Just like Harry, Louis found it impossible to keep quiet with how hot it was, not bothering to suppress any of his moans and gasps. He wanted Harry to know how good he made Louis feel.

 

Louis knew that Harry was close when he felt the muscles in Harry’s arse clench up tighter one last time, squeezing Louis’ cock so tight that another loud moan was ripped from him involuntarily. It was only seconds later that Harry’s come splattered all over Louis’ fist and coated it in white, some landing on his tummy as well. Just the completely blissed-out look on Harry’s face while he kept riding out his orgasm was enough to give Louis the last little thing he needed to be sent into a forceful orgasm as well, following only shortly after Harry.

 

“ _Oh God_ , fuck, fuck,“ Louis cursed while his come shot up between Harry’s arse cheeks, most of it painting Harry’s lower back and slowly sliding down again. Harry didn’t scold Louis for neither his blasphemy nor his curse words, he didn’t even pay attention to them as he collapsed, lying down right on top of Louis, not minding his own sticky come on Louis’ tummy.

 

“Was this okay, love?“ Louis asked, using his cleaner hand to brush through Harry’s curls that were covering Harry’s face and tickling Louis’ throat with how Harry was sprawled on top of him.

 

“U-huh,“ Harry hummed, not making a move to get off of Louis’ chest.

 

“We should get cleaned up, love, don’t you think?“ Louis asked light-heartedly. “Use one of those showers we just cleaned.“ He kissed Harry’s hair lightly, hardly letting his lips touch the curls.

 

Harry hummed his agreement again. “You go and I’ll catch up with you in a minute,“ he said, rolling his body off of Louis’ to let him go.

 

“Are you sure, baby? Don’t fall asleep, alright?“ Louis asked, stepping out of the bed. “You really need a shower as well.“

 

“Yeah, I’ll come shower,“ Harry said quickly, turning away from Louis again. “In a minute.“

 

Louis accepted this and walked to the next bathroom, leaving Harry to himself for a minute, although it felt so very wrong leaving the man alone basically immediately after they had had sex. This wasn’t a one-night-stand after all, this wasn’t bye-and-thanks-for-the-fuck. This was Harry. Louis wanted to wash his curly hair and massage shampoo into it. He wanted to cuddle Harry after they had had sex. He wanted to stand next to Harry at the sink while they brushed their teeth. He wanted to wash the dried come off Harry’s soft skin and then get back into a bed with fresh sheets with him and cuddle him until they both fell asleep, Harry snuggling into his chest as close as possible.

 

Stepping into the shower alone and feeling the cold tiles underneath his bare feet without seeing a second pair next to his wasn’t what Louis wanted.

 

 

 + + +

 

 

It didn’t worry Louis too much when Harry didn’t come join him in the shower. Maybe he had wanted some peace and had therefore gone to find another shower cabin for himself in another bathroom or maybe he had just fallen asleep although Louis had told him not to. Louis couldn’t help the way-too-wide grin spreading on his face. He loved that dork too much for his own good.

 

Louis stayed under the shower spray longer than necessary, waiting for Harry to join him and not giving up hope to hear the creak of the door and Harry’s cheerful voice following.

 

When Harry didn’t come, Louis sighed, shut off the water and got out of the shower, quickly drying himself off and putting on his clothes that he had collected from the boys’ room.

 

Expecting to find Harry sleeping in his bed where he had left him to go shower, Louis went to Harry’s room straight away, however finding it empty. The bed’s sheets were crumpled, a noticeable crusty spot on them which was undoubtedly dried come. The atmosphere in the room was stuffy and the unmistakable smell of sex still lingered in the air, practically clouding it with how heavy it was. It was the intense unique smell of sweat, come and past arousal combined that filled Louis’ nose immediately after taking one step into the small room. However, Harry wasn’t there.

 

Louis assumed that Harry had gone to a different bathroom than he had, so he started searching for him in every boys’ bathroom on their floor, listening for running water when he opened the door and also calling out Harry’s name. Harry was in neither of the bathrooms.

 

Louis couldn’t think of a sensible reason why Harry could have chosen to use a bathroom on the floor below or above theirs, but he went downstairs anyway, calling Harry’s name as he walked through the corridors.

 

It took Louis some more time to finally find Harry. He was neither to be found in any bathroom, the community room nor in the kitchen. Louis found him in the prayer room, sitting on the floor, facing away from Louis and looking up at the huge wooden cross on the wall right in front of him. He didn’t turn around when he heard Louis entering the room, although it was obvious that he must have heard him.

 

“Harry?“ Louis asked hesitantly, slowly approaching Harry who still hadn’t turned around, keeping his face raised, apparently to keep his glance on the cross on the wall.

 

“Harry?“ Louis repeated when he was standing right behind Harry who hadn’t moved at all since Louis had entered the room. Louis tapped both of his hands lightly on Harry’s shoulders, desperately trying to catch Harry’s attention.

 

When Harry didn’t react in the slightest to neither Louis’ words nor his touch, Louis walked around Harry, who was crouched down on the floor, and bent down, going to kneel down in front of Harry.

 

“Harry, is everything alright?“ he asked concernedly, trying to look Harry in the eye. However, Harry moved away from Louis, but still stayed on the floor, putting a meter’s distance between himself and Louis, ignoring Louis’ extended hand.

 

“Louis, don’t,“ were all the words Harry forced out, his voice husky and quiet, obviously due to having cried. “Please don’t.“

 

Louis immediately pulled his hand back, settling down to sit next to Harry rather than in front of him. Harry didn’t take his glance off the huge wooden cross, but kept on staring right at it unfalteringly, his face raised and one of his hands fumbling with the cross around his neck.

 

“I’m sorry, Harry, I’m so so sorry, truly sorry,“ Louis said, keeping his face down and basically talking to his knees, which he was clutching his hands around. He couldn’t bear to look at Harry, who was so obviously devastated, so obviously in a seriously troubled mental state. Even with just the short peek he had gotten at Harry’s face, Louis knew about the streaks Harry’s tears had left on his cheeks. He knew about Harry’s eyes swimming in fresh tears, new ones welling up, close to falling and running down his cheeks as well.

 

“It’s not your fault,“ Harry whispered. The tears he had to swallow down to keep from sobbing were audible in his words.

 

“This wasn’t what I wanted, Harry, I’m sorry,“ Louis repeated, refusing to accept Harry blaming himself. He himself should have known that Harry wasn’t ready and should have refused to go any further with Harry. Above all, he shouldn’t have left him alone with his doubts and guilt that had taken over in a heartbeat.

 

“It was what _I_ wanted,“ Harry sobbed, his words getting interrupted by fresh tears spilling and a tiny hiccup following. Harry was completely choked up with tears, his eyes red and his nose running and Louis hated it. He hated seeing Harry like this more than anything.

 

“I still want it.“ Harry positively had to squeeze the words out of himself, simultaneously starting to cry harder again. “I don’t even _regret_ it like I should, Louis.“

 

Tears and snot mixed messily on Harry’s face, making him look utterly pitiful, which in turn got the desperate urge to hug and squeeze Harry out of Louis. However, he couldn’t. Louis doubted that Harry would appreciate Louis touching him right now, since he actually was the primary reason why Harry had gotten into his current state to start with.

 

Harry wiped his eyes and nose on his shirt, smearing the wet mess into it without caring about dirtying the shirt that he had thrown on before coming here.

 

“Why, why do I still want it?“ Harry sobbed quietly, muffling his sounds in his shirt. He had pulled the bottom hem of it up to his face to wipe his tears into, now hiding his face in the fabric.

 

“Why do I _want_ it, although it’s _wrong_ , Lou?“ Harry snivelled. “How can - how can it feel so right, when it’s not?“

 

Louis didn’t know what to say. He felt that he didn’t have the right to say that it wasn’t wrong, that Harry was okay the way he was, that being scared was okay right now, but that he would be all right. He wanted to tell Harry all of that, but he didn’t think he could.

 

“It shouldn’t be like that,“ Harry went on, lifting his head up again from where it had been buried in his shirt to look at Louis. It absolutely broke Louis’ heart how Harry looked so downright miserable with his red swollen eyes, snot and tears drying on his shirt, one hand going back to roll and turn the cross on his necklace again, sitting there completely slumped down on the floor and trying to curl in on himself as much as possible.

 

“Harry, I’m so sorry,“ Louis said again, since he felt that this was the only thing he was allowed to say and also the only thing he found himself capable of telling Harry.

 

“I told you it’s not your fault,“ Harry whispered in reply. “But why is it so wrong, Louis? Why am _I_ so wrong? What happened to me to make me be like that?“

 

There was nothing but insecurity, doubt and desperation in Harry’s voice, which was rough and very quiet due to crying. A few stray tears were still making their way down Harry’s cheeks and Harry let them roll down freely. However, for now there weren’t any new ones visibly welling up again and Louis found himself already being grateful for this apparent tiny improvement.

 

“You do believe that God loves all though, don’t you, Harry?“ Louis heard himself say before he could think much about it. Before he had thought all of his words through, there were already out and said and Louis wasn’t sure whether he wanted them back or not.

 

Harry just nodded slightly while wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, which only made his eyes hurt more after all the tears.

 

“Do you really believe it?“ Louis asked softly. He desperately wanted to soothe Harry with his hands on Harry’s shoulders, stroke his thumbs over Harry’s cheeks and kiss Harry’s hair and forehead softly.

 

However, he was pretty sure that none of those actions would be welcomed by Harry at the moment.

 

“I do. I do believe that,“ Harry breathed quietly, threading his fingers through his own messy curls in desperation. “I do believe that, but…“ Harry took back part of his agreement.

 

“But…“ Harry repeated weakly, running his hands through his hair and down his forehead to rub over his hot cheeks and eyes.

 

Louis nodded to encourage him to go on and voice what was on his mind, while he waited patiently for Harry to find the right words and the courage he needed to proceed.

 

“Even if God thinks that everyone is worth loving, other people don’t. Not all of them at least,“ Harry explained slowly, the words falling from his lips heavily and in slow motion.

 

Louis didn’t reply straight away, but took some time to think his words through this time. Moreover, he was also waiting in case Harry had anything left to say that he wanted to get out. When Harry didn’t go on, Louis said, “Are they more important to you than God? Is it more important what they think than what God thinks?“

 

“Of course not, of course they _shouldn’t_ be, but nobody can be really sure what God thinks, while those other people press their opinion onto everything and everyone,“ Harry answered.

 

“It’s just so hard,“ he added with a small tired sigh. “I feel like I’m getting positively suffocated with doubt. And why _me_? Why _me_ , Lou? Why can’t I be like everyone else? I am - I am not even gay, Louis, why am I, like, half-gay or three-quarter-gay and Lou, that just _can’t_ be possible. Isn’t that wrong?“

 

“Do you remember, Harry, what I told you about different sexualities? There isn’t only gay and straight and that’s all. There’s bisexuality for example or pansexuality and many others and if you wanna claim one of those terms for yourself, you just do,“ Louis told Harry softly. “You’re perfectly fine that way, Harry, you’re okay.“

 

“I don’t _feel_ fine, though,“ Harry sobbed. “I feel _broken_. I’m wrong and broken.“

 

“I can imagine that, love, but you have to know that you _aren’t_. You aren’t wrong the way you are, although you might feel like it.“

 

“I’m sure, Lou, that…“ Harry started to say, but had to take a break when his voice cracked. “I’m sure that… that God loves me, I’m just not too sure if I can love myself like that,“ Harry admitted quietly. “You know, gay and also like… bisexual and stuff… that’s something _other people_ are, not _me_. You see, Lou? Not _me._ “

 

“I see, Harry,“ Louis agreed quietly. He thought he had at least an idea what had to be going on in Harry’s mind, even though his own struggle to self-acceptance could never be considered as painful as the one Harry was going through right now.

 

“I didn’t mean that in a bad way, as in, like, for you. I don’t mind that you’re gay. _You_ can be, it’s me who can’t,“ Harry hurried to add. “Or also bisexual or whatever. That’s all equally bad. Equally impossible.“

 

“I understand what you wanted to say, love,“ Louis let Harry know. Louis pulled his hand back to himself only short of touching Harry’s back for what he had meant as a soothing touch.

 

“You can touch me,“ Harry whispered, having noticed how Louis had reached out for him until thinking better of it. “You can touch me, you’re gay.“

 

“Hey, none of that,“ Louis protested firmly. “I want to touch you to calm you down, love, not because I’m gay. If you didn’t give me permission, I wouldn’t touch you, gay or not,“ Louis explained quietly, rubbing one of his small hands over Harry’s back. Harry still sat in a completely crouched position, trying to make himself as small as possible.

 

“Okay, Harry sniffled. “I like it when you touch me, Lou,“ he admitted even more quietly, hiding his face from Louis’ eyes. “And I like it too when I get to touch you. I can’t help it.“

 

“You don’t need to, baby. It’s okay if it feels good,“ Louis replied, not quitting his rubbing on Harry’s back. It seemed to him as if Harry had relaxed at least a tiny bit due to it calming him down. “It might not be easy to accept, but it’s okay that way.“

 

“It might be okay someday,“ Harry said, “but right now it isn’t.“ His nose and eyes were still red and swollen from tears and snot. “I’m sorry that I’m so messed up and confused, Lou. I don’t want to be, I just don’t want it to be _me_. Why do _I_ have to like men?“

 

“You know that I’m not religious, Haz, but my grandma was and there was one line she always said, you know? She said that God knows who can carry which weight and he assigns it based on that, you see? He knows who is strong enough to raise a disabled child appropriately, He knows who is strong enough to live with a mental illness, and He also knows who is strong enough to have a different sexuality in difficult surroundings. I don’t know if this line applies here exactly, but I just think that you’re strong enough. That’s the bottom line. You can do it and I very strongly believe that.“

 

“That’s a nice idea,“ Harry sniffled, his face still hidden in his arms. “But I don’t think that it’s true all the time. Some people abuse their kids, some people die from mental illnesses and some people are killed for being _different_ , in whichever way we are taking that term. I’d like to believe that God knows what He’s doing, but I just - I get doubts too, Louis. Maybe I just don’t understand what God wants from me and I’m the one that’s wrong and I - I’m on the wrong path and I’m _wrong_ and-“ Harry babbled on, obviously getting sad and terrified once more.

 

“Harry, listen,“ Louis refused to let up. “You aren’t wrong. You are a lot of things. You are kind and adorable and so very nice, but you certainly aren’t wrong.“

 

“Thanks for thinking so, Lou. It’s just that you’re the only one,“ Harry said, raising his face from his arms to let Louis see his sad gaze and his red-rimmed eyes. The sympathy Louis felt for Harry was immense. He felt the urge to cradle Harry in his arms, to wrap them around Harry’s body and protect him from every single bad thing in the world. It was heart-breaking having to see Harry struggle for even just slight self-acceptance, just the bare minimum of getting along with oneself.

 

“And thanks for dealing with… this,“ Harry added, gesturing to the whole of his face that was wet and messy with his remaining tears and snot.

 

“You’re very very welcome, love, you don’t even need to thank me,“ Louis replied. “Are you ready to stand up now? Do something else to get a bit distracted maybe? You also need a shower, love, I think it’ll do you good.“

 

Harry shook his head. “I still - yeah - I want to take a minute to talk to God, okay?“

 

“Sure, love, sure,“ Louis assured Harry, while he was already standing up to give Harry some privacy. He couldn’t exactly understand what praying meant to Harry, but he knew that he had to respect this and grant Harry the right to talk to his God whenever he felt the need to.

 

“No more crying though, yeah? Are all the tears out now?“ Louis said, petting Harry’s back one last time. Harry nodded and mumbled a very quiet thanks that Louis almost didn’t catch.

 

“I’ll leave you alone to pray, is that alright?“ Louis asked. “I’ll just be outside in the corridor. I won’t come in and I won’t listen, but I just - I’ll hear you cry in case you do and you can call me if you need something, okay?“

 

Harry nodded firmly, his red swollen eyes fixed onto Louis. When a tiny smile made its way to settle on Harry’s lips, it was the greatest reward and relief Louis could possibly hope for in that moment. He hoped not only that Harry would be alright, but also soon.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

About half an hour later Harry was ready to leave the prayer room. God knew what he was going through, Harry was sure of that, what he however was not so sure of was whether God was going to help him come to terms with himself and whether He supported what Harry felt.

 

“Thanks for staying, Lou. Thanks for it all,“ Harry said quietly when he went out on the corridor, where he found Louis sitting on the floor with his back pressed against the wall that kids had coloured at a summer camp many years ago.

 

“Anytime if you should need it again, love,“ Louis assured him. He couldn’t help but feel a bit of shame on himself too. It was him who had thrown Harry off his track into his state of doubt. On the other hand, didn’t it have to happen sometime one way or another? If it hadn’t been Louis, maybe someone else would have come along? The thought of Harry with someone else, though… It made ugly, unnecessary jealousy spread in Louis’ tummy immediately. He didn’t even want to imagine Harry with anybody else.

 

“I’m gonna take a shower now, I reckon that the kids will arrive in about an hour,“ Harry informed Louis before walking away. It was obvious that he still needed some time to himself and Louis was completely willing to allow him that.

 

Harry stayed in the shower much longer than necessary. He tried to scrub his body as hard as he possibly could. When he had run from his room to the prayer room, he had just thrown on some clothes to cover the stains of come on his body that were like shame painted all across his body. Now he rubbed and scrubbed over his skin until it was red and irritated where the come had been. Harry wanted to scrub off the last bit of dried tell-tale come on his skin, and with it he wanted to flush his shame down the drain.

 

 

 + + +

 

 

“Welcome back, welcome! Hi, Zephaniah! How’s life, Magdalene? Oh my, how did you get that arm in a cast, Bethany?“ Harry chatted happily with all the teenagers as he accompanied them to the Camp House. Louis, who was watching them from the house’s entrance, could only admire once more how effortlessly Harry connected with all of the teenagers. Harry walked in a big group of them, helping them carry their luggage, a huge smile plastered on his lips.

 

There was nothing hinting - even if just faintly - at what had happened less than an hour before. It was as if all had just been a bad dream, except that Louis could still visualize very well what rubbing Harry’s back had felt like and how Harry’s sobs had sounded. Louis could remember every sound and word Harry had let out and he doubted that he’d be able to forget it anytime soon. If only it had been just a dream.

 

“This is Louis, he’s an assistant counsellor, he’s been here for a week and will still stay for this one!“ Harry introduced Louis to the teens closest to him when they were getting to the house where Louis was waiting for them.

 

Some of the teens waved at Louis, shot him quick smiles or said their hi’s and hello’s. One girl came up to him specifically, instead of trudging by and dragging her bag behind her.

 

“Hi! So you’re the Louis my sister couldn’t stop talking about when she called home I guess! You’re the nice, singing, joking Louis Ruthie loved so much?“ the girl asked Louis out of the blue, taking Louis by surprise so much that he couldn’t even manage a nod. Of course he remembered Ruthie, the adorable, lively little girl that had clung to him more than most of the other kids.

 

“I wanna thank you for that, for making Ruthie’s summer camp amazing. You know, it was her first one and she was afraid to go. So thanks for making the experience a great one for her,“ the girl said.

 

“No need to thank me, I’m happy she had a good time,“ Louis finally managed to say when he wasn’t speechless anymore.

 

“Yeah, see you around later,“ the girl said, waving her good-bye before she hurried after her friends who had already gone up the stairs to the bedrooms.

 

Louis was left in the hallway for a bit longer, now alone but still speechless. It amazed him once again how easy it was to make an impression on children, how easy it was to influence them for the better but also equally easy for the worse, naturally.

 

“Louis? Ah, Louis, there you are!“ Harry shouted happily, running down the stairs to where Louis was standing at the base of them. “Can you come to my room for a minute so we can go over this week’s schedule? I don’t think I’ve given you yours yet.“

 

It relieved Louis to see Harry so full of energy and happiness again, he was properly vibrant with all the glee he exuded with just his smile and the bounce in his steps. Louis wasn’t sure whether all of this was just a façade for Harry to hide his doubts behind or whether his mood had simply shifted that fast. Either way, it was a true rollercoaster ride.

 

“Sure, yeah,“ Louis agreed lightly, following Harry up the stairs to his room. He was a little suspicious considering whether the only reason Harry asked him to come to his room really was just to hand him his new schedule. He easily could have given it to Louis in the hallway or over dinner as he had or would probably do with all the other counsellors, Louis assumed.

 

“It hurts, Louis, it hurts so damn much,“ Harry whispered as soon as they were both in Harry’s room. Harry was leaning against the door with his back, properly blocking the entry for anyone else, although it was a rule known to everyone not to enter Harry’s room without knocking politely. He just felt safer making it physically impossible for anyone to enter his room right this minute.

 

“It’s been in front of my eyes for _years_ now, _years_ , Lou! And I never even once thought about the possibility and Lou, why does it have to be this way? Why _is_ it that way?“ Harry whined pitifully, trying to keep his voice down.

 

Louis didn’t know what exactly Harry was talking about, so he just decided to wait for Harry to go on and elaborate, which Harry did after letting out a profound sigh.

 

“Tabea and Katie. That’s the problem. Or like, not a _problem_ , but-“ Harry said before he stopped, running a hand through his messy curls in frustration caused by his trouble of wording the matter. “I mean, you don’t know them yet, but they’re just really really close friends, always have been too. And it’s only _now_ that I realize,“ Harry groaned, letting his head fall back so that it hit the door he was still leaning against. “I just thought that they’re close friends when… like… they’re probably not? Like, there’s more, you know?“ Harry said carefully, unsure of how to put his words.

 

“So you want to say that they’re possibly in love or maybe even in a relationship, based on their behaviour?“ Louis summarized the bits and pieces Harry had given him.

 

“Yes,“ Harry confirmed. He felt relieved that Louis understood so easily what Harry had problems saying out loud. He never had said things like _that_ out loud. This was new to Harry. He had never known anyone he could talk about such _things_ as freely as with Louis.

 

“I’ve only now started thinking about the possibility when I saw them again now. I thought… like… they’re just close? I mean, girls sometimes hold hands and giggle together and, like, are touchy with the other without meaning anything more than friendship, right? I guess it’s just the way they look at each other that’s different somehow? I don’t know, it might also just be me?“ Harry babbled. “I’ve never thought about it that way… but also, why can they do that? Don’t you think it’s weird how girls can hold hands and stuff and people don’t immediately, I mean… suspect stuff? If they were two boys, the counsellors would have put a stop to that long ago…“ Harry went on, his final words ending with a sigh. “I’ve only just realized now and it’s been in front of my eyes for years.“

 

“Hey, don’t blame yourself, love,“ Louis said, extending his hand to soothingly touch Harry’s shoulder. He let it drop again a moment later, since he wasn’t sure where he and Harry were currently standing and if it was okay to touch Harry only hours after he had had such a drastic meltdown. “It’s not your fault that you didn’t notice, you hardly knew about yourself.“

 

Harry nodded, his expression a little sad and worried. “That’s true,“ he sighed. “It’s also true though that it’s different for boys. I’m not saying that it’s easier for the girls at all, I just think that it’s different, don’t you?“

 

“You’re probably right, love, yeah. And I also think that it’s probably better somehow that you didn’t consider the possibility of Katie and Tabea being together, you know? If they really are, they’re sneaking around and hiding it for a reason, love. It’s better that way for their own safety I guess.“

 

“It’s sad how true that is,“ Harry sighed. “Anyway, thanks for listening and sharing your thoughts, Lou. We should head out again now or people will come looking. Here’s your schedule for this week,“ Harry said, handing Louis a sheet of paper that on the same glance looked the exact same as last week’s.

 

Louis took a quick look at it, spying a lot of fields saying “Bible study“, “morning prayer“, “group discussion“ or “praise and worship singing“. Louis was already familiar with most of these activities from last week. However, there was much more time calculated for them this time, apart from them already being more frequent.

 

“Okay then,“ Louis said after a minute, which he had spent studying the schedule. He tried to sound cheerful and as if he was looking forward to all of the activities marked, but if probably still seemed a bit forced.

 

“Can I have a kiss?“ Harry spontaneously asked at the same time as Louis was speaking, his words mixing with Louis’.

 

Louis wasn’t entirely sure whether he had understood all of that correctly, but the awkward silence spreading between them made him sure that he had. He didn’t know how to respond, what to do and what to say. He didn’t want to be the cause for another meltdown for Harry; Harry really couldn’t use nor deal with one right now, that much Louis was sure of. On the other hand, Louis himself definitely wouldn’t mind kissing Harry. The question was whether he should give in to what Harry asked of him or whether this would eventually only do damage to Harry’s feelings.

 

“Sorry, I - I shouldn’t have said that,“ Harry hurried to say when he didn’t receive an answer from Louis. His face was flushed bright red with embarrassment. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t - it’s too much to ask, I know, sorry,“ Harry babbled on, unable of stopping himself.

 

“Shh, babe, don’t worry,“ Louis tried to calm Harry down, taking Harry’s hand in his and pulling Harry a bit closer, away from his spot at the door. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I’m just afraid that I’ll hurt you and do you more bad than good, you see?“

 

“And if I promise that you won’t?“ he asked shyly, turning away from Louis to hide his still flaming red cheeks.

 

Louis thought about it for a second, but the pictures in his mind of a crying, desperate Harry doubting himself were still fresh.

 

“I’ll see you later, love,“ he simply said before he pressed a light kiss to Harry’s cheek. His touch was so light, he wasn’t even fully pressing his lips to Harry’s skin, rather just ghosting them over it. It was more the hint of a touch than a real kiss.

 

Before Harry had much time to react, Louis had already rushed out of the room, closing the door behind him. It left Harry baffled and lingering for Louis’ lips pressing against his skin for real.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Hello everyone! I want to officially welcome all of you who I haven’t had the chance to catch along the way during this past hour of settling in. I’m really glad you’ve all come to spend a week together at the Camp House again this summer,“ Harry welcomed all the teenagers he had assembled in the dining room.

 

“Before we all sit down to have dinner and dig into our meals, I have a few announcements to make. We’ll properly start our summer camp of this year at quarter to eight in the prayer room. After evening prayer further announcements for evening plans will be made. We’ll also talk about what’s expecting you this week when we’ve got something filling our tummies, yeah? The last thing I have to say for now is that our counselling team got an additional guest, who will stay with us this week. Some of you might already have run into him, but for those of you who haven’t, please welcome Louis kindly.“

 

Harry made a motion for Louis to stand up. Louis awkwardly waved and smiled at the teenagers for a moment before he sat down again. He somehow felt how politicians probably did when they were making an appearance somewhere and their name was called and they were thanked for attending.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Hi Louis, can I sit here?“ a girl that was approaching Louis said, giving him a shy smile.

 

“Of course you can!“ Louis agreed. “Grab a pillow and sit down!“

 

It was a little before quarter to eight and Louis was already sitting on the floor of the prayer room, a cushion pushed under his bum. The girl grabbed a pillow for herself before she made herself comfortable next to Louis. “How’re you doing? I’m Tabea,“ the girl introduced herself.

 

Louis recognized the name. Apparently, she was one of the girls Harry had been talking about.

 

“Great, thanks! Nice to meet you! With so many new names to learn, it’s definitely best to start right now,“ Louis responded.

 

“I imagine,“ the girl said. “As soon as you know all the names we’re practically gone again. Have you been here last week as well with the little ones? What about next week?“

 

“I was here last week, but this is my last one,“ Louis replied, when they were interrupted by another girl squeezing herself and a pillow between Louis and Tabea.

 

“Hiii, I’m Katie!“ she told Louis, flashing him a bright smile, which to Louis made it clear immediately that she was the outgoing, truly talkative one of them. “I see you’ve already started talking, did I miss anything?“ Katie wanted to know, curling one of her arms around Tabea’s waist seemingly subconsciously while being turned to Louis, who her attention was fixed on.

 

“No, I just said that I’ve already been here the previous week and will leave after this one,“ Louis repeated what he had already told Tabea.

 

“How many summer camps have you been to?“ Katie took over the conversation, while Tabea discreetly leaned into her touch a little. Louis thought he saw her stealing glances at Katie every now and then, but he wasn’t sure.

 

“This is my first,“ Louis answered. The girls raised their eyebrows, surprised that Louis had never been to any camps as a child. It obviously was so natural to them.

 

“We have been going every year since we were seven and in the kids’ group,“ Katie confirmed Louis’ unspoken assumption. “Now we’re 16, so we’ve had nine years of summer camps, yeah.“

 

“Well, _you_ did, you forgot the year when we were 12 and I broke my leg the week before we were set to leave,“ Tabea added, tapping Katie’s shoulder to draw her friend’s attention to her.

 

“You’re right,“ Katie agreed. “I tend to forget, since that was a horrible summer camp.“

 

Tabea rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the admiring smile and the little giggle wanting to escape her lips.

 

And well, Louis found himself considering that maybe Harry’s assumptions hadn’t been entirely unfounded.

 

“Attention please, guys!“ Harry interrupted their conversation as well as those of all the other counsellors and teens around them.

 

It amazed Louis once more how easy-going, gentle and non-obtrusive Harry’s guidance in a group of kids or teens was. Louis hadn’t seen Harry shout at the kids even just one single time during the past week. He didn’t need to shout to make the children quiet down, it was enough if he simply raised his voice a little and asked for attention.

 

“Now let us begin our summer camp together. Together with each other and with God,“ Harry announced when everyone had quieted down. “In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the holy spirit, Amen,“ everyone said together while making the sign of the cross.

 

“Let’s start with a song to praise and thank God for bringing us here together again this year,“ Harry said. “Please open your booklets on page 32 and let us sing and call God to be in our middle.“

 

The teens hurried to switch to said page while Harry started strumming his guitar’s chords softly, keeping an eye on the people sitting in a circle on the floor to check whether everyone was ready yet.

 

Louis noticed a lot of similarities between the teens’ and the kids’ evening prayer as Harry went through songs and prayers with the other participants. Their booklets were similar, but designed according to their age group. Their activities during prayer circle were similar, if not the complete same. There were songs, stories and parts of the Bible being read out loud and silent prayers alternating. The only thing that was noticeably different to Louis was the time it took for evening prayer to be over. Instead of the half hour it usually took with the kids, the teens’ prayer lasted for almost an hour, since they could keep concentrated and attentive for a longer time.

 

Louis tried to at least seem interested and as if he were listening attentively, but it proved to be hard to pretend for a whole hour. His thoughts constantly wandered off from the song or story he tried to keep them on. Where they wandered off to was mostly Harry, who sat right across from him, which made it easier for Louis to steal sneaky glances.

 

He felt so much just when looking at Harry that it was hard for Louis to bring order into all his thoughts and feelings that were mingling wildly. He thought he detected affection, admiration, attraction, and well, maybe even something that he could label _love_.

 

Louis let out a sigh that got lost in Harry starting a new song. He hadn’t wanted to admit it yet, but it was probably time to confess this much to himself. Harry had enchanted him with easy smiles, dimples and laughs. And Louis, he had fallen in love with all of that, if all the wishes that overcame him whenever he looked at Harry were any indication. He wanted to raise seven kids and four puppies with Harry, he wanted to see those dimples every day, and he also wanted to kiss away Harry’s insecurities and doubts that he had encountered today.

 

Louis honestly didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know what to do, nor how to deal with all of this that was Harry, nor what to do after he would leave again only a week from now.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Hi Boo, it’s so nice to hear from you,“ Louis’ mother said when she picked up the phone.

 

“Hi mom, it’s lovely to hear your voice too,“ Louis replied. He couldn’t help a smile that spread on his face although he didn’t feel much like smiling right now.

 

“How’s everything? Busy I guess?“ she asked. Louis hadn’t found the time to phone her last week; he had only texted her every now and then, which clearly showed that he had been busy. He was very close to his mom and normally texted and phoned her a lot when they hadn’t gotten to see each other for a bit.

 

“It’s really busy, yeah. Last week we had 53 little kids, so you can imagine what that was like,“ Louis replied. “It’s good though, mostly at least.“

 

“You don’t sound too happy though,“ Jay remarked. “Are you just tired, or is there something going on, is something wrong?“ As always, she spotted the tiredness and weariness in Louis’ voice immediately.

 

“There is, like, yeah, there is something going on,“ Louis sighed. “I fell in love and I absolutely shouldn’t have.“

 

“Oh, Boo, does that mean you’re heartbroken?“ Jay asked.

 

“No, it’s not like that,“ Louis said. “You know that it’s a religious camp, I told you, right? And the guy is the head counsellor, so he’s really religious and he’s struggling with himself, like really bad. He’s not straight, you know, and they are really homophobic here.“

 

“Oh Lou, I’m sorry about that! Is he okay so far? And are you?“

 

“I think he’s alright so far, and I’m too. It just feels like my fault that he started getting those doubts. He had a proper meltdown today because of it. It’s just on a whole other level of hard for him I think,“ Louis explained, ending his sentence with a sigh.

 

Louis was lying on his bed in the boys’ room, looking up at the ceiling while talking to Jay. He had to keep his voice down and be careful since the door could be opened any minute. The teens and the other counsellors were all in the community room for their game evening, but it wasn’t impossible that one of them would walk in. Louis really didn’t want anyone listening to him talking about Harry to his mom.

 

“I understand. So you’re the reason he started to realize he might like guys?“ Jay reaffirmed. “I don’t think that this is bad, Lou. You’ve been his start on the road to self-acceptance and even if it’s a really bumpy and rough one, I don’t think that you should think of it as “your fault“. I hope he’ll figure it out.“

 

“Yeah, I hope so too. I hope it so so much“ Louis agreed. “It’s just so very heart-breaking to see him go through it and knowing that I’m the reason all this is happening to him now. I just want to protect him from it and I can’t. I’m afraid that it will all blow up in his face eventually.“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Louis, do you wanna come join us? We’re just starting a new round and there’s still a free spot,“ Zephaniah called Louis over when he entered the community room after having ended his phone call.

 

“We’re playing _Nobody Is Perfect_ , do you know that?“ he was asked when he sat down next to Harry in the small group.

 

“I might have played that before, but would you mind repeating the rules to me?“ Louis said.

 

“No problem,“ Mary-Anne volunteered to explain. “There is a question given to one player on a card and there’s also the solution on there, see,“ she explained, handing Louis one of the cards. “The right answer is only for this one player to see. So the player with the card reads the question out loud and everyone makes up an explanation for the question given, but the one that has the card writes down the correct one. Then the explanations are mixed up and read out loud and every player has to bet on one of the answers. It’s your aim to call good, creative bluffs so people believe your wrong explanation is correct and therefore bet on it. Points are given for betting on the right answer and even more points if you mislead people so they bet on your wrong explanation. Fine for now? We’ll explain the detail as we go.“

 

“Yeah, fine, I think I’ve got it,“ Louis agreed, nodding his head approvingly.

 

“It’s one of our favourite games to play on summer camp,“ a boy that Louis hadn’t gotten to know yet told him while he shuffled the cards.

 

“The only problem with it is that Mary-Anne wins every single time,“ Harry said laughing, giving the group of teens a fond smile and a laugh. It wasn’t hard to understand why all of them loved and admired him more than anything, Louis thought. He literally was the heart and soul of this group, just as he had been in the kids’ group.

 

“Let’s play, then!“ Mary-Anne said, rubbing her hands and laughing. “Do you wanna begin and ask a question, Louis?“ she asked, holding the pack of cards out for him.

 

“Yes, sure!“ Louis agreed, tearing his eyes away from Harry, who he had been watching.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

In the course of the evening, Louis found out that the Latin word for “apple tree“ had a second meaning, which was “bad“. This was connected to a story in the Bible, in which Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit (arguably an apple) in the Garden of Eden and then were expelled.

Apart from that, Louis also learned that the oldest condoms found had been made from fish intestines or that if caught stealing soap in Arizona, one has to wash oneself with that piece until it is used up.

 

In general, they had a fun evening, which ended much later than the kids’ evening activities used to last. However, it wasn’t as difficult to force the teens to get ready for bed and stay in their respective rooms. They were more reasonable than the little kids, but “they still haven’t learned“ Harry said to Louis, shaking his head. He had run across Louis in the bathroom half an hour after everything had quieted down.

 

A fond smile betrayed Harry’s disapproval. “Don’t think they’ll be sleeping now, they’ll be up and talking for hours more, but as long as they are quiet and don’t do any nonsense, that’s their own business. They know that I know and that I won’t get in their way as long as they don’t get into trouble.“

 

“So what’s on the schedule tomorrow?“ Louis asked conversationally while he washed his hands in one sink. Harry was bent over the one to his right, putting some cream on his face.

 

“Well, it’s Sunday tomorrow, so obviously we’ll go to church first thing in the morning after breakfast, much like last week. We’ll have a lot of discussion rounds and Bible study tomorrow as well, since it’s the Lord’s Day. In the evening we’re set to watch a film, but that’s all I think,“ Harry replied, pausing between some words as he was washing the cream off his face again.

 

“Ah yeah, of course. I remember reading it on the schedule you gave me,“ Louis said, drying his hands on his towel. “Good night then, yes? It’s already a little past midnight, you look as tired as I feel.“

 

Louis wanted to slip out of the bathroom as quickly as possible so Harry wouldn’t have the chance to hold him back and maybe ask him to share his bed again. Louis wasn’t sure whether Harry wanted him to at all, but he felt like it would be best to make even just asking impossible. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to say no, but staying with Harry was unreasonable and impossible to the extreme. They had only narrowly escaped being caught before and Louis felt like they had used up all of their luck already.

 

“Louis, wait,“ Louis heard Harry say before he managed to close the door behind him. Louis sighed. He was internally torn between pretending to not having heard and making a run for it and giving in to what he really wanted.

 

He was getting himself far too tangled up in this and he knew it. Louis turned around and took a hesitant step back into the bathroom where Harry was waiting. His face was still wet, some of the water dripping onto his shirt before he could rub his towel across his face and catch the drops.

 

“Stay, please stay,“ he repeated, this time more quietly. He didn’t have to explain to Louis what he meant; it was all clear.

 

“Harry, I can’t. I’d love to,“ Louis admitted, wanting to take the words back a moment after they had left his mouth. “We really can’t, love. Don’t you see? It’s really unreasonable and we can’t do that yet again.“

 

Louis tried reasoning with Harry, who hadn’t said a word yet.

 

“I know that it’s extremely risky, Lou. The problem is that I _want_ to risk it, though,“ Harry finally spoke up after Louis had repeated that they couldn’t. It sounded like he wanted to convince himself, not primarily Harry. “We can sneak you out before the others wake up,“ Harry pleaded. “We won’t oversleep again, we’ll set an alarm like last time. Please, Lou. Where’s the problem?“ Harry argued.

 

Of course Harry was overly aware what the problem was, why it wasn’t possible, why they just _couldn’t_. However, he didn’t want to listen to the voice in his head telling him that it was impossible. He didn’t want to go through a night alone, he didn’t even know if he could.

 

“Love, don’t you see why it’s not possible?“ Louis wanted to know. There was a sad undertone in his voice; he really didn’t want to let Harry go either.

 

“I do, but I need you,“ Harry whispered, lifting his towel up to his face again to swipe it over his face frustratedly. He wanted to hide his insecurities and doubts behind it.

 

“Oh love,“ Louis said sympathetically. “I really want to stay with you, but I just don’t know how. The teens aren’t that easy to fool, don’t you think? Sneaking back in isn’t the main problem, but they’ll wonder why I’m not there when it’s time to sleep.“

 

“Can’t you tell them that you fell asleep in the community room? Anything, Lou?“ Harry begged, hugging the towel to him as if he were a kid with a favourite stuffed animal.

 

“Okay, love, we’ll find a way.“ Louis couldn’t help but give in to what Harry wanted and what he secretly wished as well. It had been a while since he had felt anything so comfortable and sweet as Harry’s company. “Are you finished so we can go?“

 

Harry nodded. “Yeah, we can go. We have to take care that nobody sees us though,“ he added, biting his lip nervously. It was clear to him that this was what he wanted, but at the same time it made him nervous and unsure.

 

It was a bit of a hassle getting to Harry’s room unnoticed. Once they encountered Rachel on her way to remind the teenagers rooming next to her to quiet down, another time they ran into a teenager, Stephan, who was - futilely - trying to sneak into a room where he didn’t belong.

 

When they heard Rachel opening her room’s door, Louis was able to duck into the bathroom right across the corridor just in time. However, they didn’t have that much luck with Stephan, who received a scolding from Harry. Harry was far from strict with the kids and teens, but breaking rules wasn’t something he endured.

 

“Well, that wasn’t so bad after all,“ Harry said when they had safely arrived in his room. He let out a sigh of relief; he hadn’t even noticed how nervous he had been. “Stephan won’t give us any troubles, I think. It won’t seem that fishy to him meeting two counsellors at once, he’ll be more worried about being scolded. He might be a little mischievous, but he isn’t mean, so he certainly won’t make up having seen anything that hasn’t - like, that he hasn’t seen.“

 

“Yeah, it’ll be alright,“ Louis agreed, giving Harry a genuine but tired smile. If Harry only knew through how much more trouble Louis was willing to go for him. All he wanted was to protect this curly-haired, sweet young man with the huge smile and the dimples.

 

“So let’s get into bed then?“ Louis said awkwardly after a moment of just looking at the other.

 

“Yeah, yeah, sure,“ Harry agreed immediately, a light blush creeping onto his cheeks. He began to shamelessly undress himself while Louis did the same. Without saying a word, they slipped under the covers. Harry curled into Louis, pushing his back into Louis’ chest as closely as he could, although it was a bit too stuffy and hot in the room to sleep pushed so tightly together. However, he couldn’t help but seek Louis’ touch and warmth.

 

“Lou, can you promise me something?“ Harry murmured, turning his head a little, which pushed his wild curls further into Louis’ face.

 

“What is it, love?“ Louis asked, entangling his fingers with Harry’s hair to keep it out of his face and play with it. His first instinct would have been to simply say “yes“. He wanted to promise Harry everything he could possibly ask for, but at the same time he wanted to be realistic and keep to the promises he made.

 

“Can you promise me that I’m okay? Can you promise me that what I _did_ was okay? I know you said you _think_ it is, Lou, but can you _promise_ , Lou?“ Harry whispered after a moment, which he had apparently needed to gather all his words and some courage.

 

Louis let out a relieved breath. This was something he could promise with all his heart and without feeling guilty. “I promise, love. I promise with all my heart, you get all 100%, alright?“ he said softly, gently pushing back Harry’s hair that was about to fall into his face. “I promise you that you’re fine, okay?“

 

“Yeah,“ Harry whispered. “Sorry, I just needed to hear it again, to know if for sure,“ he added.

 

“If that’s what you need, I’ll gladly tell you fifty times more,“ Louis assured Harry, smiling into the curly hair that was tickling his cheeks.

 

“Thank you, Lou, you don’t even know how thankful I am for all you do,“ Harry said. A little smile had made its way onto his lips as he turned his body around to see Louis’ face.

 

“Nothing to thank me for, love. Support like that should be natural,“ Louis replied carefully. He didn’t want to trigger Harry to think about his difficult, painful situation, but on the other hand he deemed it necessary to let Harry know which treatment he deserved.

 

“I know,“ Harry said. “It’s just so hard, you know? I just…“ Harry made a little frustrated noise, burying his face in Louis’ tattooed chest.

 

“Let’s sleep now, don’t you think, baby?“ Louis suggested, catching one of Harry’s hand with his.

 

“Mhm, okay,“ Harry mumbled, his face still pressed into Louis’ chest. Louis could even feel Harry breathing against his overheated skin and his own heartbeat seemed unnaturally loud even to himself.

 

“Good night, Lou,“ Harry said sleepily.

 

“Sleep well, love.“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Louis didn’t know what to feel when his alarm went off at an ungodly hour in the morning. He didn’t even dare glance at the time his loudly beeping phone was proclaiming. The thought of having to leave the warmth and comfort of Harry and his bed to go sleep in the community room was less than inviting. This thought alone made Louis want to grumble a bit before turning around again and getting back to sleep straight away. However, this wasn’t about what he wanted, this was about Harry’s safety.

 

“You have to go, Lou,“ Harry’s rough voice reminded him. Harry beneath him was shifting around, rubbing his eyes sleepily.

 

“I know, love. I’m going now,“ Louis said. He had to properly force himself to disentangle himself from Harry, gather his clothes and sneak out of the room without another word.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Despite being horribly tired, Louis couldn’t go back to sleep once he had arrived in the community room. Everything had been quiet on his secret walk from Harry’s room to the community room. Neither had he met a single soul nor had he heard anyone. None of this was the reason for his restlessness. He just couldn’t help turning everything that had happened lately over and over again in his mind, since this was about the first time he had gotten to properly take time to think about it.

 

Louis didn’t know how this could possibly end well.

 

It took almost two hours until even just the earliest risers got up. Louis had spent the time wandering up and down the community room, then lying down again for ten minutes, then getting up again. He was happy to finally hear the first noises in the house, which was a few early risers heading for the bathroom, doors opening and closing, footsteps up and down the corridors.

 

Louis lay down on one sofa again to pretend having slept there. After half an hour Louis was already fidgety and impatient, but it only took a little longer until someone eventually made their way to the community room and found Louis on a sofa.

 

“Louis?“ Isaac the Counsellor asked, shaking Louis’ shoulder softly. “Why are you sleeping in the community room? Is everything alright?“

 

Louis rolled around and slowly opened his eyes when Isaac started shaking him while bombarding him with worried questions.

 

“Uh - what?“ Louis groaned, pretending successfully to wake up right this minute. “Is it - I must’ve fallen asleep here after our game evening,“ he added, running a hand through his ruffled hair while sitting up.

 

“Oh, I see,“ Isaac said awkwardly. Louis was pretty certain that he believed Louis; he probably just thought that Louis was a bit weird and confused. “Summer camps are exhausting, I know,“ was all Isaac added before leaving the room.

 

Louis sighed and then got up.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Hi, I’m Peter,“ a teenager introduced himself to Louis on their way to church. “Where do you come from? Which church community do you belong to?“

 

It was obvious that Peter just wanted to be polite and friendly, but he caused Louis troubles with his questions. He wasn’t sure how the teens would react upon finding out that Louis wasn’t religious at all.

 

“I don’t have a church community. What do you like about yours?“ Louis answered vaguely, adding a question that was supposed to take the focus off himself.

 

“Oh, so you’re currently looking for a new one?“ Peter concluded. “Ours is amazing, I like it a lot! I’ve been to Youth Club meetings since I’ve been nine, so I actually started a little later than all the others, but I’m so glad that I did join. I love that there are so many people coming together every Sunday for church service and also so many really different people!“

 

The enthusiasm in Peter’s voice was hard to miss and Louis just nodded at his words. Peter’s explanations made it seem as if every last detail of church were amazing, as if everyone really were welcome.

 

“My mom’s our church’s secretary,“ a girl chimed in. “And my three siblings are in Youth Club too!“

 

“You forgot to introduce yourself, you dork,“ Peter said, faking irritation while elbowing the girl jokingly.

 

“Ow, I might have,“ the girl laughed. “Whoops, my name’s Christina, nice to meet you, Louis.“

 

“No worries,“ Louis laughed. “So you have three siblings?“

 

“Yeah! Two are already too old for Youth Club, but my brother will be in next week’s group, he’s twelve. Youth Club has been much, much better though the last few years since Harry leads it. He’s really nice and also fun, don’t you think, Louis?“

 

“Oh yes, I like Harry lots too,“ he assured them, trying to hide all the emotions that came welling up when he thought about Harry. He truly did like Harry lots.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Everything went alright, didn’t it?“ Harry asked Louis quietly when they passed each other in the hallway on their way to Bible study. “I haven’t hear anything weird from neither the counsellors nor the teens. Just that you were so exhausted you passed out in the community room.“

 

“Yeah, don’t worry. It’s all okay.“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“I don’t fully agree. We believe in a kind, forgiving God, right? Doesn’t that mean that God loves everybody regardless? I think so,“ Tabea said shyly. It was her first time speaking up during the whole of their Bible study discussion. They had read a part in the Gospel of John, specifically the one in which Jesus appears to his disciples after his crucifixion.

 

Right now they were all discussing the sentence “If you forgive anyone’s sins, their sins are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven,“ which Jesus had said to his disciples at this occasion.

 

The discussion had soon turned to the question whether there were any sins that were unforgivable for humans as well as for God.

 

“It might be that I’m making God a way too human-like creature, but I always have trouble wrapping my head around the fact that you could have murdered someone and then you say _sorry_ and God forgives you? All it takes is a simple _sorry_?“ Peter objected.

 

“Well, you have to truly mean it,“ Jacob added. “I don’t think that it’s that easy, but if you really mean it, I believe that God forgives everything.“

 

“I’m not so sure about _everything,_ “ Leah said. “Not all sins weigh the same in my opinion, it can’t be. For example it’s hard to forgive murder, but it’s not so hard to be sorry and achieve forgiveness, for, say…“

 

“…being gay,“ Jacob aided her with an example. “That’s not a crime that is equally fatal I’d say. I mean, it doesn’t originate from nastiness and maliciousness, rather just like stupidity and stuff, getting off the right track for a bit or something.“

 

“I might be a _bit_ more open-minded there, but I honestly can’t say that I believe that being gay can be considered a sin, however grave you want to say it is,“ Louis couldn’t help but protest angrily. He tried hard to keep his emotions down, to not make his anger and irritation too obvious, but he honestly couldn’t possibly bite his tongue and be quiet when a comment like that had been made.

 

Everyone glared at Louis for a moment without saying anything. Louis read various feelings in their expressions, ranging from surprise to disbelief to obvious repulsion.

 

“Well, _I_ say you might also not be very well-acquainted with the Bible, because it very clearly states that a man engaging in such _activities_ with another is sinning,“ Rachel broke the silence after a bit. She spit out _activities_ as if it was a poisonous word she couldn’t risk having on her tongue any longer than strictly necessary. 

 

“I believe that God loves everyone regardless,“ Tabea repeated her opinion. It was nothing more than a tiny whisper.

 

Louis caught Harry nodding firmly.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Louis, can you stay for a minute?“ Harry asked Louis when the teens were slowly filing out of the prayer room after Bible study was over.

 

“Sure,“ Louis agreed, picking up some pillows that lay discarded on the floor. He busied himself with tidying up together with Harry until they were alone.

 

“I’m sorry for what happened during Bible study. I honestly didn’t think it’d go this way when I chose that part to discuss, I’m sorry,“ Harry let Louis know, his own expression sad and strained.

 

“It’s not your fault, love. Not at all, how could you have known?“ Louis replied. He refused to let Harry take responsibility for the group’s homophobic behaviour and blame himself for it. “It must’ve hurt for you too, didn’t it?“ Louis asked carefully.

 

“It did,“ Harry admitted quietly. “But I’m used to it, you know? I’ve lived in these surroundings for as long as I can remember,“ Harry said, connecting his words with a vague gesture into the room where all of the teens and counsellors had sat only a few minutes ago.

 

“But yeah, it still does hurt,“ Harry said quietly, almost as if he were ashamed that it still affected him after all this time. “You don’t get immune to it.“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Oh, here you are, Louis! Why aren’t you in the community room yet? The film’s started ten minutes ago,“ Harry said when he found Louis sitting on his bed in the boys’ room. He had come looking for Louis after setting everything up and starting the film. When he had wanted to take a seat next to Louis, he found that Louis wasn’t even in the room and headed out to search for him.

 

“Hi Harry,“ Louis replied, looking up from his phone screen before putting his phone away. “I thought nobody would notice if I missed the film and even if someone did, I could just say that I wasn’t feeling well and stayed in my room because of it.“

 

“But why didn’t you want to come and watch? I know it’s a religious film, but I promise it’s not that bad,“ Harry said.

 

“I just didn’t want to I guess. I’ve had enough religion in the last week alone. I’ve probably had more religion in the past days than in all of my life combined,“ Louis explained. “I wanted a break from people milling about and all their talk about religion.“

 

“Sorry about that. Is it bothering you so much? Do you dislike camp so much?“ Harry asked worriedly. He wanted to make Louis feel comfortable and welcome, but currently felt that he wasn’t making a really good job of it.

 

“No, Harry, no. It’s a bit much that I’m not used to at all, but I like it okay, I promise. You know that I don’t really know what to do with religion, I just can’t relate and believe, but I honestly don’t hate it.“

 

“You hate the people though, don’t you? The counsellors and also our teens, right?“

 

“I don’t hate them, Harry,“ Louis struggled to explain. “Especially the teens. They haven’t seen much else, they haven’t really had the chance to get rid of their prejudices yet, so I don’t blame them. It’s what they’ve heard all their life and what they’ve been taught. The counsellors are just really closed-minded and you’re right when you say that I don’t like them much, but it’s not that I can’t bear to be near them. It’s just sad to see them preach kindness and love to the youths, while at the same time they’re spreading bigotry and prejudices.“

 

“I know what you mean, I understand,“ Harry sighed. “I wish I could really change things.“

 

“I know, love, and you’re trying your best,“ Louis said, hugging Harry to himself. He simply couldn’t resist, he felt the strong urge to comfort Harry.

 

“Sometimes I just feel as if I had no impact at all,“ Harry mumbled into Louis’ shoulder he pressed his face into, letting himself be hugged tightly. “Sometimes, for a minute, it feels as if I were better off without having any ties to religion at all.“

 

“You’re trying your best, love,“ Louis repeated and felt Harry nod against him.

 

“Can I get a kiss? And can I give you one?“ Harry asked shyly but hopefully, mumbling into the fabric of Louis’ shirt. “To make us both feel better again?“

 

“Are you sure it’ll make you feel better, love, and not the contrary? I don’t want you having yet another meltdown,“ Louis said, wanting to make sure that Harry would be fine.

 

“No, no please, I promise it’s okay. I want it, really,“ Harry assured him, lifting his head up from where he had had it pressed into Louis’ shoulder and neck. “Can I, Lou? Just a little kiss?“

 

“Yes, you can, love,“ Louis said, smiling at Harry. Who was he to deny Harry anything? Especially something he wanted himself? He found himself utterly unable to say no, even if it was unreasonable to agree.

 

Harry didn’t hesitate before pressing his soft lips to Louis’. There was no hurry in their kiss, no lust and no desperation; it was a kiss truly and only out of the need to comfort the other and oneself.

 

“We’re alright, aren’t we?“ Harry asked when they broke apart, still holding onto the other. “I like you, Louis, I like you a whole lot. And if I could, I’d kiss you all the time, you know that?“

 

“I know tha-“ was all Louis got to say before Harry captured his lips in another kiss.

 

“I want to _love_ you, I want to properly _be_ with you,“ Harry admitted in a hurry the second they pulled away.

 

Louis didn’t know what to say for a moment. He wanted all of that too, he wanted it so much that it almost hurt. The problem was that it seemed impossible to ever really be able to have it.

 

“Me too,“ he said nevertheless before he pressed his lips everywhere on Harry’s face. He kissed his cheeks, forehead, chin and nose until Harry was giggling and chasing Louis’ lips with his own. Eventually, he managed to press his lips to Louis’, both giggling into the other’s mouth. The entirety of this moment was so silly, so carefree and just full of playfully fooling around that Louis wished for it to stay this way forever.

 

“We should go back down into the community room before anyone starts looking,“ Harry sighed when their kiss ended.

 

Hardly anyone noticed Harry and Louis quietly entering the dark community room. The TV was flickering in the front part of the room, all the teens and counsellors focussed on it. Louis and Harry sat down on an unoccupied sofa right at the back of the room, moving a lot closer together than strictly necessary when having a whole sofa to themselves.

 

After a few minutes Louis felt Harry grasping at his hand, interlacing their fingers when he found Louis’ hand. Harry glanced at Louis, pulling his eyebrows up in a silent question whether this was okay. Louis smiled and nodded.

 

They stayed like that for the entire length that was left of the film. Harry wouldn’t have minded holding Louis’ hand for a lot longer while the safety the darkness brought with it guarded them.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

A while after the film had ended, Harry called all of the counsellors into the dining room to discuss possible changes that needed to be made concerning the week’s schedule.

 

“I think it’d be a better idea to have our pool day tomorrow and also move the campfire to tomorrow, what do you think?“ Harry asked the group of counsellors that had gathered in the dining room. “I’ve phoned Father Michael and he’ll come here on Tuesday, stay the night and drive home again on Wednesday. Tomorrow’s still supposed to be a hot day, so I guess it would be perfect for going to the pool and having a campfire. After that, we’ll try to have a quiet Wednesday and Thursday will be for hiking, so basically we’re just switching the activities around a little.“

 

“Oh yes, I’ve seen it on the weather forecast too. Tomorrow’s gonna be the last really hot day of the week“ Rachel agreed, earning nods from some of the other counsellors.

 

“So it’s settled then, yes? We’ll tell the group tomorrow at morning prayer,“ Harry concluded.

 

Everyone murmured and nodded their agreement before they parted ways again, wishing each other a good night.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When Louis was getting ready for bed after the counsellors’ meeting, standing in front of the bathroom’s mirror, he noticed that his toiletries were still missing. He had gone to Harry’s room yesterday night, taking his bag of toiletries with him and had then left them there.

 

Unlike the camp’s participants, the counsellors didn’t have a shelf with their name tag on it in one of the bathrooms.

 

Louis had already gone without using any of his creams and face lotions this morning, since he hadn’t been able to sneak into Harry’s room then, what with all the hectic running around of people getting ready for church.

 

A minute later Louis was standing in front of Harry’s bedroom door, contemplating whether to knock or turn around and walk away again. He wanted to get his toiletries back, but he knew that at the same time he would immediately be tempted to stay with Harry.

 

He decided to knock.

 

“Come in,“ he heard Harry answer after a moment.

 

For a moment, Louis was on the brink of walking away again right that moment; then he opened the door.

 

“Hi Louis,“ Harry said. He didn’t seem surprised at all that it was Louis knocking at his door. “You left your bag of toiletries here.“

 

“That’s why I’m here, I’m picking it up again,“ Louis said, closing the door behind him and retrieving the bag from Harry’s desk on which he had left it.

 

“Are you coming here again after you’ve used the bathroom?“ Harry asked. His tone was almost conversational, as if he didn’t care much whether Louis came or not. What gave him away, however, were his flushed cheeks and his big, pleading eyes. He very obviously did care a lot.

 

“Yes,“ Louis said instantly.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When Louis returned from the bathroom, his head was much clearer. On the one hand, he was glad that he had let his spontaneous desire to stay with Harry take over, but on the other hand he was worried now that he wasn’t under the direct influence of Harry giving him puppy eyes.

 

Louis might be Harry’s first _everythin_ g - his first crush, his first kiss, his first time having sex - , but Harry was Louis’ first time feeling this hopelessly in love.

 

The corridors were empty when Louis sneakily entered Harry’s room. It was half past eleven and the teens had been sent to bed about half an hour ago.

 

“Hi,“ Harry said softly after Louis had closed the door. There was obvious relief in his voice. His previous fear that he would wait in vain for Louis to return was palpable to Louis.

 

“How long?“ Louis asked, blurting out what was going on in his mind. “How long can we still make up far-fetched excuses why I’m not in the bed I should be in? How long can we still do that, Harry?“

 

Harry sighed and gave Louis a small smile. He knew about the troubles and difficulties equally well as Louis, if not even better. “Just a few hours, Louis? I just want to spend a bit of time with you, only with you,“ Harry pleaded.

 

“I want that too, more than anything, love,“ Louis agreed. “I’m just afraid to put you into trouble.“

 

“You shouldn’t care, Lou. It’s mainly _me_ we’re putting at risk, you shouldn’t care,“ Harry argued.

 

“Do you really think it’s like that? Really, Harry?“ Louis asked in disbelief. “Do you think that I’m in this to get a fuck and a warm bed to share out of it? Honestly, Harry?“

 

“Lou, no, no, not at all,“ Harry hurried to say. “I don’t think about you like that at all, I didn’t mean - like - sorry, Lou,“ Harry babbled. Louis could see how he was getting more upset rapidly and he hated it. He couldn’t believe how he was adding to all the stress and trouble that was already bothering Harry. He wanted anything but this.

 

“I’m sorry, Harry, listen, I’m sorry,“ Louis interrupted Harry’s frantic attempts to explain and apologize. “Listen, I didn’t mean that at all. We’re just both tired and upset and I just want you to know that I care a whole lot, you know?“

 

“I just - I’m sorry too, I know that you care, Lou. Sometimes I just think that it would be easier if you wouldn’t“, Harry sighed, extending his hands towards Louis to hug him.

 

“I know, love. It’s alright, yes?“ Louis asked Harry, leaning into the hug and squeezing Louis tightly. “As sappy as it sounds, I just want you to be okay.“

 

“I really love that you do, Lou, it’s just that it complicates things,“ Harry murmured, nuzzling his face into Louis’ neck so that his curls were tickling his cheeks and throat.

 

“I know,“ was all Louis said, soothingly rubbing Harry’s back to make up for upsetting him earlier.

 

“Can we not talk about such things now, though? Can we just not have any problems for a bit?“ Harry asked, his body still curled up into Louis’.

 

“Sure, baby,“ Louis agreed, refusing to let go of Harry, who didn’t make any move to disentangle himself from Louis either.

 

“Can we just cuddle? Lie on the bed and cuddle and maybe kiss a little?“ Harry mumbled, and although Louis couldn’t see his face very clearly in the dark, he was sure that Harry’s cheeks were flushed red due to his furious blush. To Harry even just asking Louis for a cuddle seemed bold and like doing something forbidden.

 

“Best idea ever,“ Louis agreed, a big, fond smile spreading on his lips.

 

They stumbled over to the bed and dropped down on it in one pile of arms and legs and bodies, since neither of them was willing to let go of the other even for just a moment.

 

Within a few seconds’ time, they found their lips pressed to the other’s, as if they had moved there instinctively and purely of their own accord.

 

“Wanna do this forever. Love kissing you, Lou,“ Harry mumbled, pulling away only for as long as it took him to speak. After just those few words, he pressed his lips back to Louis’ parted ones.

 

Louis gently but insistently pushed his lips against Harry’s until Harry parted them wide enough to let Louis push his tongue into his mouth. Trying to get closer to Louis, Harry rolled himself on top of Louis’ body, clumsily bumping his nose against Louis’ in the process. He couldn’t help a giggle welling up in his insides, bursting out of him when he drew his lips away from Louis’. Louis had to join in on Harry’s giddiness instantaneously when he pulled Harry down on himself again and felt the waves of Harry’s laughter vibrating against his chest softly.

 

“You are just so much to take in at once, love,“ Louis giggled, still gripping Harry’s sides and feeling Harry’s little tummy jump with laughter.

 

Harry’s answer was an immediate little blush, which he tried to hide by burying his face in Louis’ neck. Louis slid his hands up and down on Harry’s back a few times until he switched to grazing the soft skin underneath Harry’s shirt with his fingertips.

 

A little later, Harry lifted his face up from the crook of Louis’ neck to kiss Louis again and although the angle was slightly uncomfortable and awkward it was one of the best kisses Harry thought he had ever had. It was a kiss driven by attraction and almost primal need, but at the same time being so closely entangled and feeling Louis’ steadying hands on his hips gave Harry a feeling of safety and warmth.

 

As they kept on kissing and murmuring soft words into the other’s ear, their kisses alternated between soft, sweet kisses, teasing pecks on nose and cheeks, and hot, daring licking and mingling of tongues. It wasn’t until a lot of time later that they took a break, Harry still resting mostly on top of Louis, his long limbs sprawled out. Louis looked up at Harry and was met with pink, swollen lips that just looked so thoroughly _kissed_ that Louis couldn’t fight down the urge of gratefulness and even pride that overcame him. This was what _he_ had done to Harry.

 

“You look so _good_ , baby,“ Louis groaned admiringly, drawing Harry in for yet another desperate kiss.

 

“You too, Lou. You too,“ Harry panted as soon as he could breathe again, making Louis realize that he probably didn’t look much different, since his lips were tingling and wet and he felt hot all over.

 

Apart from that he could feel that Harry’s dick was hard due to all their kissing and incidental grinding and rubbing that came with shifting around. However, Louis decided not to mention it if Harry didn’t comment on it first. He wanted to make this entire experience about Harry. Harry deserved more than the hasty little kisses they had shared before; he deserved a full make-out that made him feel loved and wanted instead of making him feel like having a dirty little secret or a forbidden love affair.

 

“Lou, Lou,“ Harry croaked, his voice a bit hoarse due to disuse. It drew Louis out of his thoughts. At first it seemed to Louis as if Harry were shifting around on top of him out of restlessness or discomfort, before he recognized Harry’s movements as grinding only a moment later.

 

“I’m hard, Lou. Can you do something about it? Help me get rid of it? Don’t want a cold shower,“ Harry mumbled, embarrassment rising inside of him again as quickly as ever.

 

“Are you sure you want me to, baby? You could just get yourself off if you’d rather not have me touch you, okay? I don’t want to make you uncomf-“ Louis replied, but got interrupted by Harry, who was frantically shaking his head and repeatedly saying no.

 

“No no, _no_ , please, Lou, please, it’s fine, all fine, please,“ he begged Louis, grabbing Louis’ hands and fixating his big pleading eyes on him. “I want it.“

 

“Are you sure, Harry? I don’t want to hurt you,“ Louis repeated, looking for any trace of hesitation or insecurity in Harry’s eyes.

 

“Yes, yes please, I’m sure,“ Harry confirmed, sitting up on Louis’ hips. He had to wriggle one hand out of where he had them joined with Louis’ to touch his hard dick that was begging for attention.

 

“Can I touch you?“ Louis asked, giving in to what Harry was asking him for. If Harry wanted this, how was Louis expected to deny this young man that was currently rubbing himself off against Louis’ stomach all needy and desperate?

 

“Pleasepleaseplease,“ Harry agreed. He was now full-on palming his dick through the fabric of his trousers, but currently too lost in need and pleasure to be embarrassed for being so desperate.

 

“Let’s get you out of those trousers then, yeah?“ Louis said, opening Harry’s belt to help him. “Do you want to try something, love? You know to say no anytime, right?“ Louis asked as soon as they were both only in their underwear. He himself was a little more than half-hard, but all the rubbing and grinding had made Harry so hard his pre-come had even left a small wet spot in his underwear. Louis couldn’t help but find it hot how quickly Harry was to turn on and how needy and desperate he always got.

 

“You don’t even know how hot this is, Harry,“ he let Harry know when he pulled Harry’s underwear down and Harry looked away in embarrassment, as if this would avoid Louis seeing the little wet patch in his briefs.

 

“I’m sorry that I get wet so quickly, Lou,“ Harry whined in shame. “It’s like I’m a _teenager_.“

 

“I love it like this“ Louis emphasized, leaning forward to whisper it into Harry’s ear. “You’re perfect like that, Harry.“

 

Harry’s only reply was a little sinful whine as he nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck. He moved one hand to Louis’ crotch, where he found his dick being a little firmer than just half-hard. Louis gasped quietly at the sudden unexpected contact before he shifted a little closer to Harry, trapping Harry’s hand between their crotches.

 

“Can we - can we do this like last time, kinda? With your - you know, with your dick between my cheeks?“ Harry mumbled, too embarrassed to look at Louis. Instead, he kept his face pressed to Louis’ neck, his breath tickling Louis’ soft little hairs that grew there.

 

“Of course we can, love,“ Louis agreed, his hands stroking all over Harry’s lean back greedily. He adored this man as much as he desired him. “How about you get the lotion and then lie down on the bed?“

 

“Yes, yes please,“ Harry agreed eagerly, grabbing the lotion from a drawer in his nightstand. After using it last time for something else than keeping his hands smooth, he had felt like he couldn’t leave it on top of his nightstand anymore. It had acquired another meaning for Harry, a meaning that was connected to Louis and wasn’t clean and innocent at all.

 

Before lying down, Harry hesitated. He was sitting on the bed with his legs bent back at the knees, subconsciously grabbing his hard cock with one hand while turning around to look at Louis behind him.

 

“Can you relax and lie down, love?“ Louis asked, resting one of his knees on the side of the bed. “Can you lie on your front for me? Is that good for you, baby?“ He placed a soft kiss on the top of Harry’s head, threading his fingers in Harry’s hair for a moment.

 

“Yes, good, very good,“ Harry agreed, making himself comfortable on his front by folding his arms so he could rest his head on them.

 

Louis shucked off his briefs before he uncapped the tube of lotion Harry had handed him. He took a moment to just admire the way Harry was spread out for him. When Harry turned his head around to steal a glance at Louis behind him, a smile crept on Louis’ face, at the same time fond and cheeky.

 

“All right, love?“ Louis made sure once more, leaning over Harry’s body to kiss his cheek reassuringly. “I’m gonna put a bit of lotion on your arse now and then we can start. Is that still fine with you?“

 

“Yes, yes, Lou,“ Harry agreed. “Thanks for taking care of me and being so sweet about it.“

 

“I couldn’t do it any other way, love, and I also wouldn’t want to,“ Louis replied with a soft smile. Harry always made him want to become a much better person, so maybe, Louis thought, this was the reason he had been sent here for compensation. It was unthinkable that Harry didn’t have that effect on anyone he ever encountered.

 

“Thanks,“ Harry mumbled once again, very softly, when he heard the little sound the lotion made when Louis squeezed some onto his fingers.

 

“Don’t jump if it’s a little cold, baby,“ Louis warned Harry when he parted Harry’s arse cheeks to lube up the crack between them. Harry didn’t jump and he also didn’t show any other signs of discomfort at all, but instead mewled quietly and pushed his arse back into Louis’ touch. Louis was distributing the lotion evenly on Harry’s soft, sensitive skin, stroking the tips of his fingers across Harry’s little hole a few times, which always drew an especially desperate whine for more from Harry.

 

“Ready?“ Louis asked, placing his knees on either of Harry’s sides and leaning down to press several kisses to the soft part of skin between Harry’s shoulder blades, going a bit lower on Harry’s spine with each one.

 

“Yes, yes please, ’m ready,“ Harry mumbled, goose bumps rising on his back and arms from his anticipation and the sweet affection Louis was showing him. He had never expected that any man could make this feel so good for him, it didn’t feel like sinning and making himself guilty with Louis at all.

 

“You’re so gorgeous, so good, love,“ Louis mumbled against Harry’s skin. He placed one last kiss to Harry’s back before he took his dick and gently nestled it between Harry’s arse cheeks.

 

“Please, please, go on, Lou,“ Harry urged Louis on, pressing back into Louis.

 

“Fine, baby. You’re alright, I’ve got you,“ Louis murmured, leaning all the way forward over Harry’s body, supporting his own weight on his hands and knees. Slowly at first, he started rocking forwards and backwards, his cock snug tightly between Harry’s cheeks and moving with Louis’ movements.

 

“Fine, baby? How do you like that?“ Louis asked, whispering the words into Harry’s ear. He lifted one of his hands to tuck a strand of hair that was falling into Harry’s face back behind his ear.

 

“It’s great, Lou. Really good,“ Harry sighed. When Louis kissed the side of his face again, he closed his eyes, his breath hitching slightly due to Louis not stopping or slowing down his hips’ thrusts.

 

A few times Louis’ dick slipped out from in between Harry’s cheeks, despite the lotion the slide of skin against skin was a bit rougher than Louis usually preferred it and generally their sex was far from perfect. However, neither Harry nor Louis wanted to wish for anything else or anything better. It was perfect in its own way. What counted for them were Harry’s desperate little noises, Louis’ whispered sweet nothings, the hot slide of skin on skin and their breathing that was gradually getting more laboured.

 

“Feels so perfect, love. Love this so much,“ Louis panted. His hands had found Harry’s, which he was holding gently while peppering Harry’s hair and cheek with kisses every chance he got. Harry’s head was resting on the mattress now that it wasn’t supported by his arms anymore and their joined hands were approximately on the same level as Harry’s face that was turned to the side. His eyes were closed in bliss, but his lips were parted to allow all of his noises to fall from them freely.

 

“Mhmm,“ was all Louis got as a response. It was clearly an agreement, although not an eloquent one.

 

It didn’t take long for either of them to get hot and bothered all over. When they were both close and Harry’s noises had gotten notably much louder and more desperate, Louis asked Harry to sit up again so he could get both of them off with a few final quick strokes of his hand on their cocks. Harry crawled into Louis’ lap, while Louis was drawing him in further and kissing the back of Harry’s hand that he had brought to his mouth.

 

“Please,“ Harry whispered before he surged forward to press his lips onto Louis’ in a messy, wet kiss. While they were still kissing, Harry shifted fully onto Louis’ lap, searching for leverage by gripping Louis’ sides. Louis felt the wet head of Harry’s dick bump into his own cock.

 

As Louis found Harry’s cock and started giving it a few pulls, Harry didn’t miss a beat but took Louis’ own cock, trying to pace his strokes in time with Louis’. It took them a bit to get the rhythm right and Harry still didn’t have much finesse yet. He thumbed over Louis’ cock’s head bluntly and didn’t know how tight to make his grip to make it as pleasurable for Louis as possible. However, it was an incredibly intimate and perfect moment to them anyway. They kept on kissing, only breaking apart for a few seconds to breathe each time, holding onto each other with one hand and leaning into each other.

 

Louis couldn’t understand how this could possibly feel so good despite all flaws. He sure had to have had better sex than this, but it still felt to him as if he couldn’t even compare anything to what he felt with Harry now. Harry’s plush pink lips were all over Louis’, his dick was incredibly wet and just perfect in Louis’ hand and his lack of experience was made up by enthusiasm and effort.

 

Harry came before Louis did and with a whine so loud that the only solution Louis knew to prevent being heard was quickly capturing Harry’s mouth with his own and essentially muffling Harry’s sounds of pleasure. When Harry shivered through his orgasm, his rhythm on Louis’ cock faltered, causing Louis to wrap his hand around Harry’s and moving it together with his own.

 

After that, Louis didn’t last much longer, but soon released with a moan pushed into Harry’s mouth. “Baby, you’re so good,“ Louis groaned while he was still coming down from his orgasm-induced high. “You’re so so amazing,“ he added, not caring that his hands were sticky and still wet when he pulled Harry in close again, who let himself be held against Louis’ chest pliantly, his only noise being a little content sigh.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Something Louis learned very soon about going to the pool with the 15- to 18-year-olds was that it was far more relaxing than it had been with the kids. The youths went to swim and play volleyball in small groups, watching out for each other and were therefore not in need of constant supervision by a counsellor. Unlike the little ones, all of them could swim, which proved to be a major relief for the counsellors, who had more time to themselves for getting to breathe properly again for a bit.

 

The teens had been told to show up at least every hour, so the counsellors could still have an eye on them while leaving them mostly to themselves to do what they liked. The counsellors had decided on one spot to be the group’s meeting place, in which they put up a few sun umbrellas and sun loungers, which they threw their towels onto. At least one counsellor would be present there at all times, so the teens would always know where to find someone if in need of anything.

 

“Louis, are you gonna join us at volleyball?“ someone asked, causing Louis to roll over onto his back to see the person that was speaking to him. He had been working on his tan, spread out on a large bath towel in the grass, his head put onto his folded forearms and letting the sun shine onto his back.

 

“I don’t think that’s quite my kind of sport,“ Louis started to deny the invitation.

 

“It doesn’t matter if you’re not good at it,“ Leah assured Louis, and a few others that had gathered around the girl with the volleyball in her arms nodded.

 

“Don’t be a spoilsport, Louis! You can stop playing after the first game if you don’t like it, but you have to at least try! Please!“ Magdalene chimed in.

 

“Harry’ll play too!“ Leah added, stating this as if it would immediately settle that Louis would play too.

 

“Really? Will he?“ Louis asked, trying to win a bit of time. On the one hand, he was really comfortable in his current position, lying on his towel, on the other hand, well, he didn’t want to miss out on the chance to watch Harry flailing those long, gangly limbs around while jumping through the sand.

 

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure he will, he normally always does,“ Leah said, while Magdalene shouted Harry’s name, motioning for him to come over to them after she had caught his attention.

 

Harry had been sitting on his own towel, which was an utterly ridiculous-looking one with colorful cats printed all over it. When he saw Magdalene calling him over towards their group, he excused himself from the conversation he had been having with a few other youths and came over.

 

“What’s the matter, kids?“ Harry asked jokingly. Louis had observed that Harry liked to call his 15- to 18-year-olds “kids“ a lot in a joking manner, calling them this much more often than he had done with the younger children from last week.

 

“Will you play volleyball with us? Please? Louis still needs something to persuade him,“ Magdalene said.

 

“Oh, and I take I’m the _something_ that’s supposed to persuade him?“ Harry laughed, the others joining in. As always, Harry’s happiness and laughter were infectious, pulling all of them into it right away.

 

“Well then, something, I guess I don’t get a say in this anymore,“ Louis giggled, extending his hands towards Harry in a quiet request to be pulled up from his towel.

 

“You don’t,“ Harry said, helping Louis up. Their hands only touched for a moment, until Harry had pulled Louis up and then lot go of Louis’ hands. However, Louis thought he might have noticed some kind of reluctance in Harry’s behaviour, a tiny little sigh, barely audible, which accompanied Harry’s actions. Louis wouldn’t have had any problem holding Harry’s hand until forever without ever letting go, but he knew that too much was at risk for Harry if they started being this reckless around each other. And apart from that, where did the two of them stand? As friends? As boyfriends? As… as accomplices in the crime of queerness maybe? That’s what it felt like to Louis in certain moments. And well, he wasn’t quite sure if he could live with being nothing more to Harry than a companion for a short span of his life, a shoulder to temporarily cry on. Louis wasn’t sure of any of this, the only thing he was sure of was that he needed to figure a lot of things out before his days at this camp were over.

 

Louis was lost in his thoughts while he followed the teens to the volleyball court, listening to their chatter only with one ear. Harry, who was walking by his side, seemed distant to Louis, until he suddenly, completely unexpectedly, let his fingertips brush against the back of Louis’ hand for a short, but definitely deliberate moment.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

There was a shout of “Louis!“ before the air was knocked out of Louis by a volleyball that hit him right on the chest full force. Louis gave a choked “hmpff“ when the ball hit him and tried to grasp for the ball in a self-defence mechanism. He really hadn’t seen the ball coming.

 

“Ow, are you alright, Louis?“ Harry called from the other side of the court, where the opposing team was standing.

 

“Ah, yeah, sure,“ Louis confirmed, rubbing his bare chest where a dull ache was spreading. “I’m okay, volleyball just really isn’t my kind of sport!“

 

“That was indeed quite a hefty blow, are you sure you don’t want to take a break for a minute?“ Harry asked concernedly.

 

“Yeah, okay, you might be right,“ Louis said, walking to the sidelines where he sat down in the grass, his hand still rubbing over his chest. “You just go on playing, I’ll be the referee.“

 

Louis’ lack wasn’t a great disadvantage to his team, since Louis generally wasn’t too great at volleyball but on top of it was quite distracted today. This ball wasn’t the first one he’d missed because he was either lost in his thoughts or getting a bit too lost while staring at Harry on the other side of the volleyball net.

 

Usually, Louis was determined and concentrated while playing sports, especially football, but football normally didn’t include the distraction of Harry’s apart from some little yellow swimming trunks naked body.

 

It was honestly nothing but unfair, having to watch Harry jump around in ridiculously small swimming trunks while being supposed to stay focused on the game and the ball. Louis was actually good at focusing on the ball - at least as long as it was Harry playing it.

 

Harry really was a sight, so Louis found that he really wasn’t to be blamed for being so inattentive. Harry wore his long curls in a messy bun, which he kept fixing every now and then. His lean body seemed slightly sweaty already from the exertion, and a little sandy too after Harry had thrown himself in the sand in order to catch a ball a few times. Harry’s skin that was littered in tattoos, Harry’s small cross flapping against his chest when he jumped to catch a ball, all of Harry’s full glory that was his soft belly and his strong thighs - it was all a little too much for Louis.

 

It was really unfair that Louis was supposed to concentrate on a _game_ when he couldn’t help but imagine Harry’s sweaty body pressed to his, caressing Harry’s broad back and his soft tummy, tracing his tattoos with his tongue and seeing that little necklace swing back and forth again.

 

Louis shook his head quickly, trying to clear his mind from those distracting thoughts in order to be an acceptable referee.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Their campfire in the evening was as stereotypical as Louis could imagine it. They all sat in a large circle, marshmallows were grilled over the fire, songs were sung and stories told until late into the night. The only difference was that a lot of religious songs were sung and religious stories told, which was somewhat expected by Louis, though.

 

It was well after midnight when the last teens left the campfire to go inside, the counsellors following them to make sure everybody ended up in their own room. Only Harry stayed outside to ensure that the fire was put out correctly (“I need this house for another seven weeks and some following summers, so it’d better not burn down.“). He also had some stray marshmallows and song books to collect.

 

“Hey, can I help you?“ Harry heard someone ask, the sudden noise making him jump and gasp in shock.

 

“Sorry, sorry, oh my, I didn’t mean to scare you, Harry!“ the same person excused themselves. It was Louis.

 

“It’s okay, I just expected that everybody would be inside already, just caught me by surprise,“ Harry said with an easy smile. “Was a little lost in my thoughts too I guess, so I didn’t hear you coming.“

 

“Yeah, sorry. So, do you need any help?“ Louis offered again.

 

“Ah, not really,“ Harry said, looking around himself. He had already put out the fire, rearranged the little benches around the fireplaces and picked up all lost marshmallows, songbooks and else.

 

“Oh, okay then!“ Louis said, taking Harry’s answer as a cue that his presence wasn’t welcome.

 

“Hey, but, no,“ Harry stammered. “I didn’t mean for you to go, it’s just, like, no work left, but I’d like it if you’d just sit with me for a minute.“

 

“Sure!“ Louis agreed, taking a few steps back towards Harry, who had taken a seat on one of the benches, watching the dark fireplace. The only light came from one electric lantern standing nearby.

 

“I’m just going to wait for a few minutes to be sure that the fire doesn’t start up again. You know, this house is perfect for summer camps like no other. I’ve been to several other places for camps, but it’s never the same as it is here, you can believe me. There are no immediate neighbours who complain about the noise, there is a huge garden for the kids to play in, it’s within walking distance of a church and far from a busy street, and the house itself is large and cozy…“

 

Louis nodded. He could see how all of those things were obvious advantages, although he didn’t have a whole lot of other experiences to compare.

 

“You know, Father Michael will come tomorrow,“ Harry said after a few moments of silence. If Louis wasn’t completely mistaken, there was a slight tone of unease in Harry’s voice, a certain uncomfortableness. He waited for Harry to go on.

 

“So like, there will be a lot of religious programming for the teens again. We’ll have a mass with Father Michael, we’ll have a discussion or a prayer circle with him - depending on what he prefers - and we’ll also go to confession…“ Harry said, trailing off at the end.

 

“Confession?“ Louis asked. “So that means…? Like confessing your sins to a priest? Do I have to go to confession too?“

 

“I’m afraid so,“ Harry answered, his unease increasing visibly. “Like, I’m sorry, it shouldn’t be something one is forced into, especially not you, since you’re not even a practicing member of the church, but Father Michael will ask why you didn’t go and the teens and especially the other counsellors will get suspicious too if they notice you skipping it. It’s a central part of our belief, you know? Confessing our sins, I mean.“

 

“I see, yeah,“ Louis said. “Well, if this is what it takes, I think I’ll be able to go through confession too. It can’t be the worst thing I’ve had to do in my life, will it?“

 

“No, it’s just unfair, forcing someone into going to confession. I already feel bad when the teens and kids don’t really feel like going sometimes, but you don’t even share our belief,“ Harry said with a sigh. “You can just tell him some very generic things, if that makes it better for you at all. For example telling lies is always a “generic sin“, you know?“ Harry explained, indicating the quotation marks with his fingers. “When the seven-year-olds go to their first confession, we give them some ideas what they could say to the priest.“

 

“Ah okay, so that’s what you’re doing with me now?“ Louis asked half-jokingly. He honestly wouldn’t mind some hints on what to do and say, on the other hand he didn’t want to make a big deal of it.

 

“If you don’t mind?“ Harry said. Louis gave him a sign to go on. Harry told him exactly when to kneel, when to make the sign of the cross and which words to say to the priest in the beginning. “Good, and then he’ll invite you to confess your sins, and that’s when you’re supposed to just start talking about what you did wrong. For example, let’s take telling lies, you could just say that you unfortunately tell a lot of lies, but you could also talk about one certain occurrence, that’s all fine. Apart from lying, you could also say that you… I don’t know, that you regret not helping someone once or that you didn’t stand up for your faith one time. If you start and keep talking about yourself anyway, Father Michael probably won’t ask any questions or interrupt you, so that’s what I usually do.“

 

“Why? Are his questions uncomfortable?“ Louis asked gently, partly because he wanted to know for himself, partly because he cared about Harry.

 

“Yes,“ Harry said after a while. “He once asked me if I have noticed any “ _tendencies that need to be discouraged_ “ in myself. I guess you know what he meant and I dislike telling lies while I’m actually confessing, you see? That’s absolutely not the point, you’re supposed to try and do better next time and not mess up during confession already. But I also… I cannot confess to my _tendencies_ like that,“ Harry explained, shooting Louis a sad little glance.

 

“I understand, Haz,“ Louis said.

 

“So I just try to pour out everything and usually that’s fine.“

 

“Okay, but what if I-“ Louis started to argue. He wasn’t completely done yet, of course not. How could he just let this go when Harry had so obviously been hurt by those priest’s words before?

 

However, he was interrupted by some noises whose source he couldn’t identify immediately. Louis forgot what he had been about to say and turned around, trying to find out where the noises were coming from. When he glanced back to Harry, he was sure that Harry had heard it too.

 

Louis stood up from the bench, and Harry followed suit, peering into the darkness behind them. They had been sitting with their backs to the Camp House, which was quite close to the fireplace, a single lantern illuminating the place only scarcely. There were another two lanterns left and right from the house’s entrance, which was what their eyes were currently focused on. Upon closer inspection, Louis could make out two figures sitting on the stairs as soon as his eyes had adjusted to the light. The two persons had a blanket slung around their backs to warm them in the chilly night, their heads were pushed close together. The noises Harry and Louis had heard had obviously been loved-up giggles, kissing and gentle words. It was immediately obvious that those two could be nothing but lovers.

 

Louis turned around to Harry again to see his expression. There were a lot of different feelings displayed in Harry’s face, there were shock, surprise, worry, but also something like excitement and fondness.

 

“That’s - that’s Tabea and Katie,“ Harry whispered after a moment, stating the obvious.

 

Louis only nodded.

 

Without agreeing on it first, both Harry and Louis sat back down on their bench, hiding themselves in the darkness. The two girls didn’t need to know they had been seen, it would currently only upset them unnecessarily.

 

It took only a couple more minutes until the two girls went back inside, apparently to avoid that anybody would notice their missing.

 

“Okay so,“ Harry whispered, “that’s a fact now.“

 

“Yeah,“ Louis said. He couldn’t decide whether he should mainly feel happy for the two girls or equally worried for them too.

 

When Harry didn’t continue talking about what they had just seen, Louis said, “I guess I came back outside for the same reason as they did. There’s a pattern there.“

 

“Well then, what are we waiting for?“ Harry said, a grin widening his smile before he pressed his lips demandingly to Louis’.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When Harry outlined the day’s program after morning prayer, Louis found his suspicion confirmed that it would be a hard day. Father Michael was set to arrive after lunch and would be welcomed with a short prayer together - short meaning only about half an hour. The whole afternoon would be spent preparing the mass that Father Michael would hold in the evening. During those preparations, everybody had to go to confession, which would be held in the small single bedroom Father Michael would spend the night in.

 

Louis sighed internally while he tried to keep an open, optimistic expression on his face. He couldn’t decide whether he wanted to get out of this camp as soon as possible or whether he’d rather stay forever in order to be close to Harry, even if they would have to hide and sneak around forever.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Louis’ first personal encounter with Father Michael was right after their “short“ welcome prayer circle, before the priest was headed towards his room to hear the teens’ confession.

 

“I don’t think we’ve met yet, young man,“ the priest said to Louis, holding out his hand for Louis to shake.

 

“I’m new here, yes, I’m Louis, an assistant counsellor,“ Louis introduced himself, while he shook the priest’s hand. “Nice to meet you,“ he added as an afterthought in the name of politeness.

 

“You too,“ the priest said. “Do you come from any of our neighbouring church communities?“

 

“No, I don’t. I currently don’t belong to any community, but I might join this one. I’m thinking about it,“ Louis lied.

 

“That is a very good idea, my son. Those who don’t look to God for guidance get lost in worldly things and get weakened by the flesh’s sinful desires. You know what it says in Romans, chapter eight: _Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God_. So be careful, my son, don’t forget to pray and look towards God while you are without a supporting community. We would be very glad to welcome you in ours.“

 

Louis nodded and said a simple thanks before he excused himself. He felt utterly struck by what the priest had told him. _The flesh’s sinful desires_. And _Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God_ , a Bible verse. Fact was that Louis’ aim number one wasn’t to please God, he was satisfied by just being a decent human being.

 

After he had talked to Father Michael though, Louis thought he understood better what it was that Harry had to stand up to, what he had been taught since he was literally a toddler, and what it must have felt like for him, having given in to his _desires_ and _tendencies_ and therefore suffering a meltdown.

 

What Louis felt struck with wasn’t first and foremost anger, surprise or shock, but he was much more struck with protectiveness; protectiveness of the kind that made him want to wrap Harry in a big fuzzy blanket and tell him over and over that he was fine, perfect and lovely.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Louis was one of the last ones to go to confession. Waiting to go after him were only two teens and then Harry. Louis had been sitting on the floor in the narrow corridor outside the priest’s room together with them. When he stood up, Harry sent him a bright, encouraging smile and held his thumbs up for Louis. It would all be okay.

 

And it really was. As Harry had advised him, Louis just started talking freely after they had gone through the obligatory introductory words and motions. Louis thought that Father Michael might already be tired after listening to so many confessions and therefore went easy on him and let him go soon again. Not even five minutes after he had entered the room and sat down opposite of the priest, he was told that he had been absolved of his sins and was ready to leave.

 

As most of the preparations for the mass were already finished and there wasn’t much to do anymore, Louis decided to wait on Harry. Both the other teens only took as little time as Louis had. They returned quickly with relieved smiles on their faces, which made Louis think that there had to be at least some people who mistook the relief of being done with one’s confession for relief of actually being absolved of one’s sins. As long as they felt good in some way, though, who was he to judge?

 

Contrary to the two teens before him, Harry seemed to stay inside Father Michael’s room forever. Louis was wandering up and down the small corridor restlessly while he waited and wondered what could take Harry so long. To be honest - not that Louis would frankly admit this - he was just terribly worried for Harry.

 

When the door finally opened slowly and out came Harry, Louis couldn’t help but immediately notice that his eyes were red-rimmed and a little puffy, standing as a clear sign that he had been crying.

 

Harry didn’t hesitate to walk towards Louis, wrapped his arms around Louis’ neck, and buried his face in Louis’ shoulder.

 

“Take me away from here for a minute,“ he whispered, and Louis was more than happy to oblige.

 

Since the corridor was entirely empty anyway, Louis gently took Harry’s hand in his to lead him away. “Okay?“ he asked and Harry nodded.

 

The washing room was just down the corridor, so it was the obvious solution to the question where they could hide out for a bit. If someone noticed that Harry was missing, they would come knocking at his door first thing, that much was clear. The community room as well as the prayer room were currently full of counsellors and teens milling about and the dining room and the bathrooms were open to everyone, so the little washing room was perfect.

 

Louis hurried them inside, closed the door and even turned the key in the lock. There was very little space in the tiny room, which was mainly made up of three washing machines in a row and bedsheets, pillow-cases and duvet covers, some of which were sorted into baskets, while others were kept in seemingly random but neat stacks on the floor.

 

“Come on, love, sit down. It’s okay now,“ Louis said, rubbing Harry’s back. As there was no other space to sit, Louis climbed up on one of the washing machines and motioned for Harry to do the same.

 

Without hesitation, Harry followed Louis and sat down between Louis’ spread legs, his back pressed into Louis’ chest. They stayed like this for a while, Harry’s feet dangling from the washing machine, Louis’ arms slung around Harry’s waist while he pressed tiny, feather-light kisses into Harry’s neck and shoulder blades. He didn’t know what exactly had happened during Harry’s confession, but he certainly wouldn’t press Harry to tell. If this was enough for Harry right now, it would be for Louis as well.

 

They remained in their hideaway, sitting on top of a washing machine for a few minutes. Not a word was said, and simply feeling Louis’ breath on his neck and his arms protectively hugging Harry’s waist were enough to help Harry calm down.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

At five o’clock sharp, the whole group of youths and counsellors was assembled in the nearby church and were waiting for Father Michael to emerge and start the mass.

 

Louis had purposely chosen to take a seat in a church pew before Harry did. He sat down next to some teens who were already seated, quite close to the front of the church, as they didn’t need to occupy all the rows and could therefore leave the ones at the back unused.

 

Louis himself would have liked to sit next to Harry, of course he would have. Harry’s presence was comfortable and it felt to Louis as if just Harry’s very presence would give off positive energy to those in his vicinity. However, Louis didn’t know if Harry was comfortable sitting next to him right now, so he wanted to leave the decision for Harry to make.

 

Harry didn’t come to sit with Louis. In fact, he didn’t even sit down a row behind or in front of him, but chose to sit in a pew on the other side of the aisle. Louis told himself that it probably didn’t mean anything at all, that Harry had just gone to sit in a random pew without thinking much about his choice. However, as Louis couldn’t keep his thoughts on the ongoing mass, he kept turning the matter over in his head.

 

Louis couldn’t help but glance at his watch every other time, he was bored out of his mind. He sighed quietly when he saw that only 25 minutes were over yet, meaning that they were just about halfway through yet. The noise of a pew creaking loudly, louder than the priest’s words, made Louis look back up suddenly. He glanced up in time to see Harry standing up quickly and hurrying towards the exit. Instinctively, Louis started to follow him. He saw Rachel, who had turned around in her seat, making a move to follow Harry as well, but Louis hastily motioned for her to remain seated before he went after Harry, who had left the church through the main exit.

 

He found Harry right away. He was sitting on the church’s steps with his back turned towards the building, his lowered head hidden behind his hands. Louis braced himself for the worst; he had helped Harry through one meltdown, and they could deal with another if they had to.

 

“Hey, can I sit down with you?“ Louis asked when had walked up close to where Harry was sitting.

 

“Please do,“ Harry said. Louis was glad to hear that Harry’s voice wasn’t rough with tears and when Harry raised his head, Louis could see that his cheeks weren’t tear-streaked nor were his eyes puffy nor swimming in tears.

 

Louis sat down on the same step as Harry, and waited for Harry to talk, given that he should want to at all.

 

After a while he did. “You know, it’s just shit? Father Michael is in there preaching about forgiveness and _love_ when he doesn’t even recognize it if it’s right before his eyes?! He doesn’t know even just a small percentage of all the forms love can appear in! And it’s still love! It’s just so frustrating when he’s acting like an authority on something he has no clue about.“

 

Louis nodded, but chose not to interrupt Harry, who was apparently not done yet.

 

“I just couldn’t listen to that any longer. I’ve listened to it for all of my 26 years with the vague idea that something wasn’t quite right, you see? Don’t get me wrong, like… I love God, I love being part of a community, most of the time at least, and I love a lot of the people here, but that doesn’t change that there is something wrong. During my confession, he told me that he could see that something was wrong with me and that I should “bring to God“ what was affecting me. He kept trying to corner me and pressure me into talking to him.“

 

Harry sighed and Louis carefully took his hand. He would have liked to hug Harry reassuringly, but he wasn’t sure whether Harry wanted it. Apart from that, it was too risky to touch Harry where everyone could see.

 

Harry not only let Louis hold his hand, but he was grateful for Louis’ considerate touches.

 

“You know, there is nothing _wrong_ with me, in fact, I haven’t been happier in a few years than I’ve been this last week. With you, you know,“ Harry whispered. “I know that I always seem all bouncy and cheery, and when I’m working with the kids I really am, it’s what makes me happy, but I’ve had my dark hours, my doubts and my fair amount of shame and guilt. As soon as all the chatter in the house dies down and the kids go to sleep, everything changes. And honestly, this week has been different.“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When Louis snuck into Harry’s room on tiptoes, it was only eleven pm. It had not been difficult for Harry to persuade Louis to spend a bit of time together, hidden away in Harry’s room. Exactly that was the plan; sneak into Harry’s room, spend a few hours together in secret, sneak out again around one in the morning.

 

“You know, when Father Michael is there, we all pretend a little more for one day,“ Harry had said. “The kids put up less of a fight when it’s time to go to bed, the counsellors are a bit more patient, and everybody tries to behave a bit more religiously. It’s a bit like putting on your best clothes on Sundays.“

 

Apparently due to this desire to behave better in the presence of a priest, the house had quieted down a lot earlier than usual and the counsellors were glad for the opportunity to catch up on some well-needed sleep.

 

Sleeping was not what Louis had in mind when he slowly, in order not to make a creaking noise, opened Harry’s door after having knocked quietly. Their limited time together was way too precious to be wasted with sleep. Of course, as Louis had already had had the chance to find out, falling asleep pressed into Harry’s body and waking up wrapped around this beautiful boy (as long as there was no counsellor knocking on their door) was pure heaven.

 

However, Louis was set to leave this camp - and Harry with it - in merely a few days, so he had memories to make. He didn’t want any sleep, even though he needed it just as badly as the other counsellors. He wanted to get to know more of Harry’s beautiful mind, of his soft, raspy voice and maybe even his plush, sweet lips.

 

It didn’t happen often that Louis chose people over sleep.

 

The next hours turned out much to Louis’ liking, and judging from his dimpley smile to Harry’s as well. What had started out as slightly awkward, quickly turned in a comfortable mess of tangled-up arms and legs, half-naked cuddles and lazy kisses.

 

It was the first real make-out session Harry had ever had; it was undoubtedly the best Louis had ever had. They simply enjoyed being close to the other, kissing until their lips felt tingly, and quietly telling one or the other story while giggling into the other’s mouth and interrupting the other’s words with little spontaneous kisses.

 

They reached the point where they both got too sleepy and exhausted way too early for Louis’ liking. He wouldn’t have minded staying a few more hours, but it was obvious that it was no more than a matter of minutes until the first of them would fall asleep, with the other soon to follow. Their giggles had turned into yawns, the warmth of their bodies was lulling Louis to sleep and Harry was blinking at him with tired eyes. They needed to say good bye and go to sleep.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When Louis was woken up by Harry’s voice softly singing and him opening the windows of the boys’ room, he wasn’t quite sure whether the previous night had only been a dream. When Harry shot him a warm little smile before he left the room again, he wasn’t quite sure yet either.

 

His lips, however, felt sweetly sore and very thoroughly kissed, which made it seem pretty clear to Louis that everything indeed had been real. He couldn’t help the huge grin that subsequently threatened to split his face in two.

 

“What are you grinning about so mad, Louis?“ Zephaniah asked while he climbed out of his bunk bed. “You don’t seem to be much of a morning person usually.“

 

“The sun is shining, we’ve caught up on some sleep, and we’ll have some quiet time together today. It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?“ Louis replied, arguably much too chipper had it been a normal morning. However, it certainly was a beautiful day if one had gotten to hold one’s lovely crush in one’s arms for a few hours in the previous night. It certainly was a beautiful day if one was as much in love as Louis, no?

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Tomorrow’s activity is gonna be hiking, right?“ Louis asked Harry conversationally during dinner. Their Wednesday had gone by mostly peaceful and insignificantly. Father Michael had driven back home at about the same time he had arrived the previous day and somehow it felt to Louis as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He didn’t feel the burden of constant suspicious supervision anymore, which had crept up on him yesterday without him realizing it.

 

“Yes, exactly. To be quite honest, I’m not much of a hiker myself,“ Harry admitted. “But it’s just an obvious option, you know? There are several hiking trails close by and it would be dumb not to make use of this possibility. And well, a few times each summer I can definitely bear it.“

 

“Okay, but what if…“ Louis started to say, but abruptly cut off his words, gesturing vaguely at the other counsellors at their table.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“Are you sure you’re okay so far? Really? You do look sick, Harry,“ Isaac the Counsellor could be heard saying when Louis walked past Harry’s room the next morning.

 

Louis stopped in front of the open door, staying out on the corridor. They were really doing this.

 

“Nah, it’s okay, Isaac, I guess I should just rest today. It’s probably just a bit of a flu or something,“ Harry assured the worried counsellor.

 

“Everything okay here?“ Louis asked, knocking on Harry’s doorframe to make his presence known.

 

“Yes, Harry’s just feeling a little ill,“ Isaac explained to Louis before turning his attention back to Harry. “You just stay here today while we take the teens hiking, you probably just need a break from all this chaos here. Are you sure that you can manage alone, though? What if you start feeling worse?“

 

“I could stay if you want,“ Louis was quick to offer. “Someone would be there if Harry really needs something and well, to be completely honest with you, hiking isn’t my favourite pastime anyway. I wouldn’t mind.“

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

“We’re really doing this,“ Louis deadpanned when they, sitting behind the dining room window, watched the last teens leaving the garden of the Camp House. They watched as Rachel hurried the last few youths through the gate and subsequently closed it behind them. After a few more minutes, all of them were well out of sight.

 

“We _are_ doing this,“ Harry repeated, his voice displaying shock as well as fascination. This had to be among the riskiest things he had ever done. “So, what are we gonna do with this beautiful day?“ Harry asked, turning to Louis, excitement taking over his expression.

 

“Whatever you want,“ Louis replied, smiling wide at Harry. “How about we start with breakfast, since we both skipped that?“

 

“Good idea,“ Harry agreed. He grabbed Louis’ hand to drag him through the dining room and into the kitchen, which was obviously large, given the fact that it was designed to feed more than 60 hungry mouths three times each day.

 

It felt weird seeing the place deserted and completely quiet, in stark contrast to how it was usually bustling with hungry kids or teens. Louis had only gotten to see the kitchen from the inside about five or six times when it had been his turn to fetch the food for the counsellors’ table. Similarly to the dining room, he was used to it being full of kids balancing soup pots or plates to bring to their table. Now, however, there wasn’t a single soul there.

 

Harry, who knew his way around the ample kitchen better than Louis, pressed a tray into Louis’ hands before he began piling food and cutlery on it. Instead of sitting down in the empty dining room, which gave off a slightly sad vibe when it wasn’t filled with voices talking over one another and kids’ laughter - as if should be - Harry and Louis headed outside to sit in the grass behind the house. It was a warm, sunny day, however not burning hot as it had been only a few days before.

 

“Perfect for hiking, actually,“ Harry said, a tiny mischievous glint in his eyes that Louis hadn’t gotten to know yet. There was still so so much about Harry that he was desperate to discover. “ For someone who likes hiking, that is.“

 

Louis chuckled. In this moment, he was certain that there would never be a time when he would tire of this gorgeous man, but maybe he was just too much in love.

 

“Lemme tell you, there’s nothing better than jam on fresh bread,“ Harry sighed, sticking his knife into the jam jar again. “It’s heaven, that’s what it is.“

 

“Well, I’d like to disagree!“ Louis protested, licking some crumbs from his lips after having just bitten into a biscuit. “You’ve clearly never put Nutella on some plain butter biscuits.“

 

“Okay, then let me try. Let’s swap,“ Harry suggested, snatching the half-eaten biscuit from Louis while offering his bread slice to him.

 

“I guess it’s actually not that bad…“ Harry said after having taken a bite, faking disinterest and shrugging his shoulders. However, his huge grin easily gave him away and made Louis laugh. “I’d still rather have my jam bread back though.“

 

“Well then I suggest you come get it,“ Louis joked, holding it up in the air, just out of Harry’s reach. Harry instantly surged forward to make Louis give him back his food and in the process almost knocked down the tray between them. Contrary to what Louis had expected, though, Harry didn’t aim to grab the bread slice, but was determined to attack Louis’ lips with kisses. He knocked Louis, who was still holding the bread above him, down with himself on top. Louis only got the chance to let out a surprised “oomph“ before he found himself robbed of the ability to speak because Harry’s lips were firmly pressed against his.

 

Louis eagerly kissed back, holding Harry to himself with his one free hand. It might be nothing more than pure imagination, Louis thought, but he was entirely sure that he felt the different tastes mingling, and Harry had indeed been wrong with his statement about jam bread because _this_ was what heaven had to be like.

 

“Maybe I was indeed wrong,“ Harry admitted when they pulled apart to breathe. “Both put together is even better.“ He was still lying half on top of Louis, bracing his hands next to him, and Louis couldn’t help but admire his flushed cheeks, his sweet dimples and his soft lips that were still so terribly close to his own.

 

“I can only agree, so how about we get another taste?“ Louis replied cheekily, his smile spreading all the way to his eyes and making the sides crinkle.

 

Harry’s grin already got caught in their next kiss.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

Harry and Louis continued to spend their precious time together in the same lazy and comfortable fashion, their conversation full of teasing banter and easy, light topics, although both of them were deeply aware that there were much more serious matters to be discussed urgently. In mutual silent understanding, however, they had decided to push those topics away for the time being. They just needed this carefree, happy time together.

 

“I have an idea, come on, come on!“ Harry urged Louis excitedly, grinning from ear to ear. The only thing, Louis thought, that was missing to complete Harry’s childlike excitement was that he was hopping up and down. “Get your swimming trunks on and then let’s go!“

 

“My swimming trunks? It’s not a very clever idea to go to the public pool, Harry,“ Louis said, frowning.

 

“Of course it isn’t, I’m talking about our little pool behind the house!“ Harry explained, his excitement not fading even a little bit. “We normally don’t let the kids use it because it’s so small that it would only be dangerous for so many of them trying to get in there, but it’s perfect for us two!“

 

“Okay then, let me just grab a towel and put on my trunks,“ Louis agreed. Harry’s excitement was already transferring to him as well.

 

Only a few minutes later they were wearing their swimming trunks and equipped with towels, sunscreen and Harry’s ridiculous pink aqua noodle, which had already delighted the kids at the public pool.

 

Harry threw his aqua noodle into the pool and jumped right after it immediately, while Louis went for the stairs that led into the water slowly.

 

“Come on in and catch me if you can!“ Harry shouted at Louis when he came up to the surface, swimming into Louis’ direction, clutching his aqua noodle.

 

“Oh you just wait!“ Louis shouted back before he jumped the last few steps and flung himself into the water. With a few strong strokes he approached Harry, who had remained floating at the same spot and now started splashing Louis with water. He was giggling almost manically while Louis turned his face away from him to avoid getting water into his mouth and eyes.

 

When he turned back around, there was no Harry anymore, just the abandoned pink aqua noodle remained floating around. Louis grabbed the noodle and set off towards Harry again, who had reached the opposite wall of the small pool.

 

“Now I’ve got you!“ Louis exclaimed triumphantly after having cornered Harry, who realized quickly that he didn’t really have any chance anymore and therefore let himself be captured willingly.

 

Louis grabbed the aqua noodle on each end and threw it over Harry, in this manner capturing Harry, who couldn’t stop laughing, not unlike Louis.

 

“I surrender! I surrender!“ Harry exclaimed, his hands up in the air while the noodle was still wrapped around his stomach. “I offer kisses if you let me go!“

 

“Hmm, that’s obviously not an opportunity I’d like to waste,“ Louis considered, releasing Harry and throwing the noodle away somewhere behind himself.

 

Still giggling and generally glowing all over, Harry threw himself into Louis’ arms and started peppering Louis’ face with the kisses he had offered in exchange for his freedom.

 

Like that the next few hours practically flew by. Harry and Louis alternated between fooling around in the water and sun-tanning on their towels. They expected the rest of the camp to return at approximately four in the evening, if not later, so there was still enough time left that they didn’t have to worry.

 

“Let’s get into the pool one more time,“ Louis suggested a little before three pm. He had to admit that he had been keeping a close watch on the clock, but they didn’t have any hurry just yet.

 

“Yeah, sure,“ Harry agreed enthusiastically. “Whoever is in there first gets to kiss the other!“ he shouted, only seconds before he leapt up and used his head start to jump into the pool first when Louis was still a few steps away.

 

“Oh no, I guess I’ll have to endure your slobbery kisses now,“ Louis sighed, faking severe annoyance when he swam towards Harry after he had jumped into the water next to him.

 

“What a hardship that must be!“ Harry said, nodding earnestly.

 

Louis sat down on the stairs in the pool and motioned for Harry to climb into his lap, which Harry did promptly. He took a moment to just let his eyes rest on Louis, who was looking at him expectantly. Louis couldn’t help but admire the raw beauty in front of him. He was met with tattoos in black ink littering Harry’s milky skin, a little pouchy tummy and some slightly muscly arms that were gripping Louis’ shoulders to keep Harry in balance on top of Louis. Harry’s curls were wet and messy, his grin wide, showing off his dimples to the full extent.

 

Then Harry pressed his lips to Louis’ in a chaste kiss. He only drew back for a few seconds before he apparently decided that he missed Louis’ lips too much to keep away for longer. Louis’ hands wandered on their own accord to hold Harry’s face, gently cradling his face, Harry’s wet curls brushing his fingers.

 

When Harry made to pull away, Louis couldn’t help but chase after those incredibly sweet, pink lips with his own, breathing “just a bit more“ into Harry’s mouth before their lips were already pressed against the other’s again.

 

Their kiss deepened quickly, growing a little hotter when Harry’s hands slid from Louis’ shoulders, all the way down to the waistband of Louis’ swimming trunks. When Harry’s thumbs were pressing into the soft sides of Louis’ hips, Louis himself couldn’t resist anymore either, he certainly wasn’t to blame when his hands left Harry’s face and instead pressed against Harry’s chest, right were the two sparrows were inked into his skin.

 

When Harry inched a little closer on Louis’ lap, which made Louis feel the obvious bulge in Harry’s trunks, he thought that it might be okay to try and add a bit of tongue to their mess of kisses. He gently cradled Harry’s face once more, all tender but hot touches, and parted his lips a little to allow his tongue to slip into Harry’s mouth slowly.

 

Then, suddenly, their little bubble of love and kisses burst, everything happened rapidly.

 

A sudden, piercing yell made them jump apart as if lightning had struck them, Louis heart was beating so fast it felt as if it would jump right out of his chest and he saw Harry trembling despite the heat. Pearls of water were still running down Harry’s body, his mouth was parted in shock and his eyes comically wide with shock, terror and fear. There were so many emotions that Louis couldn’t even identify nor name half of them all.

 

“I … I … he…“ Harry stammered. He couldn’t get a single proper word out, let alone whole sentences. Louis didn’t know what to do either, his brain seemed so much in shock that everything about him was petrified and all he was capable of doing was watch the scene in front of him unfold. There was nothing he could possibly do.

 

“What is this, what is happening here? Do you know what this is? Do you know? It’s sin, an evil, deep sin! Nothing but sin!“ It was Rachel the Counsellor who was shouting at them, yelling with full force, with so much energy that her face was red and her words so loud they were deafening. Behind her, standing in the garden and watching with all kinds of expressions on their faces was the rest of the group, all the counsellors and teens.

 

Louis didn’t only feel terror and shock unfolding within himself, but also humiliation and blooming anger. He felt so terribly weak as it was; both he and Harry were standing in the water up to their knees and although they weren’t touching each other at all, it was obvious that they had been caught in the act. Louis wanted to disappear. He desperately wanted to take Harry and get them both out of there in the next few seconds, however he still felt unable to move or even just speak.

 

Rachel was still shouting at them, yelling terribly, letting her words literally go down on them like hail, but Louis found her words unintelligible. It was as if they were reaching him through a wad of cotton wool and he couldn’t make out individual words. He didn’t feel quite there anymore, this couldn’t be happening for real.

 

Louis couldn’t imagine what it must feel like for Harry, which degree of terror, shock and humiliation he had to feel, but he was certain that Harry desperately wanted the same thing as Louis. To just plainly _leave_ , to be swallowed up by the ground, preferably.

 

Exactly this was what Harry did. Leave. He waded through the water, up the steps, shakily but determinedly. It surprised Louis and it seemed to do the same to Rachel, who stopped shouting and resorted to just staring at Harry. After he was out of the water, Harry didn’t even glance at any of the counsellors or teens, but walked right past them and into the house. It felt like a walk of shame, of utter despicable shame, in just his swimming trunks, barefoot and leaving a trail of wet footprints.

 

Now they were all just staring at Louis.

 

 

\+ + +

 

The next day, Friday, the last day before camp would end on Saturday and the teens and Louis were set to go home passed like a blur for Louis. Everything was tense, it hurt to socialize with anybody, hate was in most of the glares Louis had to endure, hate was literally clouding the air. It was a bad, painful day, but somehow it passed.

 

While Louis tried to go on as normal, Harry had barely left his room since he had made his way there from the pool. He hadn’t spoken a word to Louis, but in fact he hadn’t spoken much to anybody at all. Louis didn’t try to approach him either, it was clearly Harry who suffered more and Louis wanted to give him time alone if he needed it. If he needed Louis, Louis just hoped that he wouldn’t hesitate to come to him.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

When it was time to pack his bags in the evening, Louis still hadn’t talked to Harry. He hadn’t even shared a single glance with him. Louis’ emotions, thoughts and feelings were severely mixed up, but one thing that he was sure of was that he could not end it end like this. This could not be _it_ , it couldn’t be _the end_.

 

Something needed to be done and it still needed to be done this same night.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

 _“Dear Harry”_ was what the letter read that Harry picked up from his bedroom floor on Saturday morning. Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted to continue. He was hurting, he was angry, he felt almost every emotion possible within mere seconds. Most of all, however, he wanted Louis back. He wanted what they had had in those two weeks for the rest of his life. He had never felt happier and what had happened on Friday, well, it clearly showed Harry that something wasn’t quite right in the place he currently found himself in. This could not be _it_ , it couldn’t be _the end_.

 

 _“Dear Harry”_ Harry read again, sitting down on his bed, and this time he continued.

 

_Dear Harry,_

_I do not know what to say, I am not sure what to do, the only thing I am sure of is that I am sorry. I am sorry for what happened on Friday, I am sorry that I got you into this situation, I am sorry for everything you have to endure now because of me. I am sincerely sorry and I understand if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore._

_I want you to know, however, that I’d welcome you with open arms whenever. I’ve been in love before, I’ve had kisses before, but I’m being honest when I say that it feels entirely different with you. It feels true, real, like I never want it to stop. I might have fallen in love with you and I just want you to know that, even if we never meet again._

_I am not going to pretend that I have any solutions for this. I don’t know what is best for yo,u and I understand that this is entirely your decision to make. I also want to thank you for making my two weeks here at this camp two nice ones. Even if it is the only thing to come from this, I’ll leave with a bunch of enjoyable memories._

_Thanks & love, _

_Louis_

 

\+ + +

 

 

Louis left the same way he had arrived at this camp; dragging his bag behind him, a bit unsure what the next time would bring and with mixed feelings. He did leave, however, with a plethora of memories engraved into his mind, he left with a new-found love that he might have lost again already, he left with some experiences that he would not trade for anything in the world. He did, however, also leave without having talked to Harry again.

 

 _This can’t be the end, it just can’t, it won’t be the end_ Louis kept thinking when he took one last look back at the Camp House after he had been dismissed from there with a cold handshake and a few nods. _This can’t be the end, it just can’t, it won’t…_


	2. Epilogue

_EPILOGUE_

 

_4 Years Later_

When Louis woke up, there were soft hands pressing against his chest, curls tickling his face and legs slung around his own. There were sleepy noises coming from the spot next to him on the double bed, a yawn, a quiet, raspy “ _Good morning, Lou_ “ and a little tired grumble. Then there was a kiss pressed to his forehead, barely lingering long enough for Louis to realize, since he was still so sleepy.

 

“Just a lil longer,“ Louis begged, rolling around but not quick enough to catch Harry, who was already getting up to open the window and let the morning sunlight in.

 

“This is an important day, Lou! No time to oversleep! I’ll start breakfast,“ Harry announced, padding out of the room barefoot. He was way too chipper in the morning for Louis’ liking.

 

It was indeed a very important day and of course Louis was overly aware of that. Therefore, he forced himself out of their warm bed only a few minutes later when he heard the tea kettle in the kitchen boil, drowning out Harry’s soft humming.

 

“Good morning, love,“ Louis said, kissing Harry on the cheek.

 

“Hi, Lou,“ Harry replied, turning his head so Louis could give him a quick peck on the lips.

 

“How’re you feeling?“ Louis asked while he poured a bit of milk into his black tea, just how he liked it.

 

“A little weird but still good, you know?“ Harry said. Louis nodded. “It feels like something entirely new but at the same time like no time has passed between the last camp and this one at all. I know it won’t be the same, of course not, I’ve never woken up with you by my side to start summer camp, but still, it’s camp so I feel like I know it… I must be talking some right nonsense,“ Harry said, smiling at Louis and running his hand through his hair.

 

A lot of things had changed in the last four years. It had been tough, especially the first year, but it had all worked out somehow in the end, as Harry had prayed over and over. _Please, please, let this work out. I want this so much, please._

It had taken some time for Harry and Louis to settle everything between them, to get used to being boyfriends, real, loving _boyfriends_. It had taken even more time for Harry to settle things between him and God. Returning to his church community as if nothing had happened was out of question for Harry. He couldn’t. He couldn’t return after being hurt and humiliated like that, and he also didn’t want to.

 

There had been tears, there had been more hurt, anger and despair, but for a while now, Harry had felt like he finally was at peace with himself and the world. Everything had indeed worked out, it had been worth holding on. Life was good.

 

“I understand, love,“ Louis said, and he really did. He had been there for Harry all this time and he would be going to this camp by Harry’s side. “You’ll be okay.“

 

“I will,“ Harry agreed optimistically. He had Louis, he had his faith, which was still strong, and he had other people by his side. “Gosh, I actually can’t wait to meet the kids,“ Harry admitted, a wide grin taking over his face.

 

A few hours and a bus ride later they were ready to meet the kids, which Harry had anticipated so much. Their camp wouldn’t take place at the same Camp House which Louis had left behind four years ago. It held too many painful memories for Harry to be purely enjoyable. Sure, he had had some of his best times there, that was out of question, but he still did not want to return. This was different.

 

That things were indeed very different in the new church community Harry had joined became obvious from the moment they got off the bus. At first glance, it all seemed to be nothing special. There were kids milling about, suitcases and bags all over the place next to the bus, and a few adults trying to keep the kids from running away to explore the nearby house.

 

A woman approached Harry and Louis, holding out her hand and offering not only a handshake but also a friendly smile. She seemed to be rather old to Harry, about 65 maybe.

 

“I’m Mariah, it’s so nice to meet you. You must be Harry! Please feel welcome! I’m the former leader of this camp and I’m so glad to have a young professional man like you take over this camp. I’ll be calmer when I know that the kids are in good hands and the camp has a future,“ she said to Harry.

 

Louis immediately liked her. He just had a good feeling when he looked at her, she seemed genuine.

 

“And who are you, my dear young man?“ she asked, turning to Louis to shake his hand. “Are you Harry’s husband?“ Obviously, Mariah hadn’t missed how Louis had taken Harry’s hand to give him a little encouraging squeeze right after they had gotten off the bus. Louis immediately liked her even more as there was no negative judgment in her voice.

 

“Currently I like to call myself his boyfriend, but who knows what the future will hopefully bring?“ Louis answered, laughing while he happily shook the woman’s hand. Harry let out an embarrassed huff followed by a giggle and hid his face in Louis’ neck for a second. “I’m Louis.“

 

“It’s so nice to welcome you two, Louis,“ Mariah said and it was obvious that she meant it. “Let me show you around a little, the other counsellors will take care of getting the kids settled in. Please follow me!“

 

“Wait, oh, wait a little!“ Harry exclaimed after a few steps. He had seen a face in the crowd of children that he thought the recognized. Mariah and Louis, who had both stopped walking, watched Harry as he walked through the crowd.

 

It was indeed Katie he was met with. Harry had immediately been sure that it was her red-blonde hair and her freckled face he had spotted in the crowd, even though it had been four years since he had last seen her, four years in which Katie had grown up from a 16-year-old teenager to a 20-year-old woman.

 

“Katie!?“ Harry exclaimed excitedly when he was close enough to her.

 

“Harry? Is that you?“ Katie shouted when she had turned around. It was clear that not only Katie had changed in four long years, but Harry had as well. His long, characteristic curls that used to flow down his shoulders had been cut off, but his dimpled smile was still glowing the exact same way.

 

“Yes! It’s me! What an amazing surprise to see you here! Have you been part of this church community for long?“ Harry’s excitement knew no limits. It was so lovely as well as relieving to meet old friends, especially since he had worried for Tabea and Katie quite a bit after he had left his former community without even saying good bye.

 

“Just about half a year,“ Katie explained. “It’s so so much better here, I can’t even tell you how happy I am here. Everybody is so much more accepting, you’ll love it here. Oh, wait, is that Louis?“ Katie said, her eyes widening when she saw Louis walking up to them behind Harry.

 

“Yes, we’re still a couple,“ Harry explained, his smile threatening to split his face apart.

 

“I’m so happy for you!“ Katie exclaimed. “You remember Tabea from our old community, don’t you? We’re a couple too. We’ve been since we were 16 and it’s honestly never been better.“

 

“Oh, love, that’s so great, amazing news, I’m terribly happy for you!“ Harry said. He felt as if his heart was about to burst out of his chest with how warm and full of love he was feeling. “Is she here too?“

 

“No, she decided that she’s better off without church. We’ve had some really tough times after you left and she decided that it’s better for her that way. She’s entirely supportive of me being here though as long as it doesn’t hurt me, and I support her choice as well.“

 

They continued to chat for a while before Katie excused herself to help the kids settle in, promising to catch up in more depth with Harry later. They had plenty of time.

 

“This is like a dream,“ Harry whispered admiringly to Louis as they followed Mariah inside, waving at a few curious kids along the way.

 

 

\+ + +

 

 

_2 Years Later_

 

Things weren’t good.

 

They were excellent. There was a shared bed, there was church every Sunday for Harry, there were students’ essays to be graded by Louis, there were kisses, hugs and also sex. Most importantly, though, there was a marriage ring on Louis’ finger and there were adoption papers on his desk.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> Come find me [here](http://writing-about-larry.tumblr.com) to talk! :3
> 
> If you liked it enough, you can find a rebloggable post for this fic [here](http://writing-about-larry.tumblr.com/post/150270585788/say-your-prayers-by-nothingbut-harrylouis-59k)  
> Kudos and comments are wanted, pleease.


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